DD friend is a furry/therian. Trying to encourage (strongly) my DD to be the same.

[Sockmate123]

What would you do in this situation? Child in class is 'recruiting' other children (mainly very quiet children) to be furries. She says she is a therian and presents as a wolf. School has banned her wearing wolf items to school but she still does on party days/world book day/non uniform etc
Parents seem to do littke about it
Quite older parents. Children are 10. My DD has so far not engaged but likes the child involved but is being pressured. It was her birthday recently and friend bought her a tail 🙄

I think this is completely weird. Child digs holes at lunch time, barks at people etc cute/acceptable up until age 5 or 6 but not girls that are on the cusp of puberty!

AIBU?
Yes- she's only a kid, will spon grow out of it.
No - its weird, school and parents should do more to address it

I would chat to your DD about distancing herself if she’s uncomfortable and finding other playmates, or at the very least practising firm rebuttal statements with her - I know you want to be a wolf but I’m happy as a girl thank you.

If I were the others girls parents I would follow the “I am a wolf” to the nth degree and see how long it lasts. Wolves don’t eat chocolate it’s dangerous for them, wolves don’t have ice cream, wolves aren’t allowed in shops/restaurants. Bet she stops wanting to be a wolf pretty quickly!!

I've read a lot of adults bullying and saying horrendous things about a 10 year old who is clearly neurodivergent and doing absolutely nothing wrong. Mumsnetters just don't like anything that's "weird", no matter how harmless.

So, bullying a neurodivergent 10 year old until they conform with how you would like them to behave, i.e. "like a normal".

No, it’s the ‘I identify as…’ bit. We’re all supposed to not just tolerate this now, but actively embrace it.
It’s getting totally out of hand (particularly in Primary Schools) and making teachers’ lives hell.

@DeskJotter I would be concerned what they were accessing on the internet especially if vulnerable. Would be a very lax parent if you weren’t monitoring carefully

lol

This.

Therians aren't kids playing dress up/role play.

And it clearly did you no harm because you turned out to be lovely, right?

Has she been watching twilight? What are the parents like, You say they are older, are they like hippies, anything goes kind of people?

It's very strange. I would speak to daughter and tell her it is not normal behaviour, while you can like wolves you can never be one.

Thank you. I was trying to word something similar but you've explained it perfectly. My AuDHD daughter used pretend she was a dog between the ages of 8-10 and genuinely wanted to be one. She just really struggled to fit into this world as she didn't understand people. She had much worse challenges and I begged help but she would be 19 and 26 before she was diagnosed.

This little girl needs help and compassion. It’s very likely an adult has put a label on her role play and that's where she's got the idea of furries or therians. She's not trying to "recruit" she just wants a friend she can identify with.

Yes going to different high schools but thats nit for another 3 years where we live.

It wasn't my DD doing this. She was actually absent the day it happened. The furry and another 'recruit' were digging holes with their hands/paws! Its beyond weird

This.

If we run into her at the shops/park/beach. We live in the same area

@Silverfoxlady would you let DC have unfettered access to the internet as no harm could come to them, especially if they are vulnerable

Ah I see, so these aren't planned meetups then.

Honestly I'd just try to discourage the friendship as much as possible.

I feel sorry for her but God knows what her parents are thinking. Most of the kids at school will think this child is an attention seeking weirdo and you don't want your daughter to be tarred with the same brush.

You're right, 10 year olds used to be allowed to be children, dressing up and role play were normal at this age, I was 10 when I got my baby doll for example and swapped baby clothes with friends the same age. It’s the adults that sexualise children, put filthy names on their games and groom them.

@Couldnotthinkofausername but most of those times children would dress up whilst playing and then when they took off their dressing up clothes they wouldn’t be that character anymore.

When you had your doll did you take it to school and told everyone you were a mum, have it in a sling or pram, needed breaks to feed your baby, had to have it with you at all times, take it to the toilet so you could change its nappy?

The school doesn't begin with a W, does it? This is all very, very similar to a child that my child has had issues with right down to the recruitment issue (and my child is classed as a vulnerable child due to disability).

I told my child very bluntly that people cannot be animals, no matter how much they might want to, and that it's not mentally healthy to pretend otherwise. I also told my child that they are absolutely allowed to tell this child to get away from them if the child is making them feel uncomfortable and to go straight to an adult if the other child doesn't listen.

I’m quite surprised with some of the answers on here, the name calling of a 10 year old etc

if she’d said she wanted to be a boy, nobody would be angry or have any problems with it, you wouldn’t be telling op to tell her dd that the other child is weird or mentally disturbed, even from the age of 5 it would be acceptable

@Evilspiritgin there would be concerns if a child was saying they wanted to be a boy and that was being fuelled by the internet. And if the child was encouraging other girls to be boys

They might be your views but you should be very wary of telling your child that another child is "mentally unwell" or "is not normal". Should your child repeat this (and 10year olds just love to be the first with a piece of "information" like this, "cos my mum said so") , you could find yourself in a whole lot of trouble and your child could be labelled as a nasty tattletale.

Lol, none. We played games at ten pretending to be animals etc. some real, some made up. But that was just for fun. We didn't have personas or fur suits or whatever?! And didn't think we were that animal really!

No doesn't begin with a W. Seems this is present in alot of schools. Its absolute madness

If she was saying she was a boy, sensible parents would be telling their children that she isn't.

Human apes cannot change sex and it is psychological abuse to tell children they can.