AIBU to think this is a fair split?

[Yourcatisnotsorry]

Person A works Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, various shifts totaling 25 hours per week. No commute time, no out of hours work, low stress job.

Person B works Monday - Friday 9-6. No regular commute but some business trips with 14 hour days at least a couple of times a month. Regular out of hours/late night work and high pressure/stressful job.

3 primary-age children and some pets.

Person A does all the ironing, cleaning, gardening and 70% of the school runs plus after school childcare/taking kids to hobbies 3.30-6pm three days a week.

Person B does all the life admin, pays bills, sorts birthdays and play dates, Christmas, kids hobbies, appointments and holidays etc. All shopping (weekly food shop and anything needed for the house, pets and kids), meal planning and looks after the children after school 2 days a week from 6pm until they go to bed and all day Sunday.

Everything else such as looking after the kids on Saturday, general tidying up, DIY, laundry, cooking, kids homework and pet care are shared fairly equally. Both parents get time to do their hobbies/gym/socialize occasionally.

yanbu to think this is a fair split of chores and both parties should be able to manage their obligations.

yabu if you think one partner has it much tougher than the other.

whichever role the hubby has i dont think your doing bad, mine fills the dishwasher and little else, most of my pals hubbys similar

Person B works more hours a week, plus seems to do more around the house with less time, sorry!

I think anyone who does the higher pressure job has the worst deal

I am similar the person A in this scenario, my husband person B, although he works longer hours with more travel. I work upto 20 hours a week, at home with hours to suit. I do 95% of everything home/child related, my husband will do some gardening jobs on a weekend (he enjoys it, I do the basics each week so he’s pottering), he may also do a bit of driving the kids around. He earns 10 times what I do and carries a huge amount of stress. Whatever time he has free I want him to enjoy. I also work hard in that I am very busy and my days can be long, but I have limited stress and can take an hour out whenever I feel like it for downtime.
We are very happy as a couple and with our rather traditional roles.

You do too much, the balance is really unfair and your OH needs to do more.

If A was not around you wouldn’t be able to work the hours you do and kids get to their activities etc. A has been impacted alot from these changes as before you had kids he worked 3 days and now after kids he works 3 days and does the bulk of the child rearing. You also sound very controlling saying he needs to go back to work as he needs to socialize more, not really mentioning the financial side. He maybe an introvert and not want to socialize etc, just an odd comment to make.

I dont understand why person B is doing the food prep and food shop.

if person A isnt doing the cooking they are taking the piss.

Nothing in the op says person A is doing the bulk of the child rearing.

Well person A is doing all the school runs and all the after school activities with them, presume they will
have to do the homework with them. Least person B can do is cook a few meals and help. Person B life has not really changed since having kids apart from abit of admin which clearly she can outsource but doesn’t want to.

Well that's a joke!

Person B works five days a week in a high pressure role and earns 8 times more than Person A. Person A has three days a week to themselves while the children are at school while Person B has no free time.

Person B does share the cooking and she is not the one who is complaining. Person A is saying that the current set up is not fair, not Person B.

Person A is complaining about doing the cleaning and they used to have 2 cleaners come for 2 hours per week but but Person A changed his days at work and didn't want the cleaner coming on one of the days that he was at home so that's totally on him.

I assume that he was either embarrassed about how lazy he would look just sitting there while the cleaner worked or because it would encroach on his free time alone in the house.

Person A has always worked part-time, even before they had children so has absolutely no idea what it is like to work in a high pressure role with the all the responsibility for being the main breadwinner.

Yes but person B accepted person A as they were and married them. He never had the drive for a high pressure role, why did she marry him if it was so important for her?! Things don’t just change once married or have kids

I think this is the deep difference I always seem to observe between men who SAHP, and women who SAHIP. The men count their hours & every little thing, such as @Yourcatisnotsorry 's DH; the women generally think as @Samesame47 thinks - she recognises the huge stress involved in the kind of job that brings in the 6 figure salary.

I see this over & over.

You are literally making stuff up. Read the op‘s posts again.

person A isnt doing all the school runs at all, isnt doing all homework and in fact seems to stop parenting completely at 6pm. So person A is parenting from 3.30 until 6. and doing no parenting life admin either.

person a has also always been part time.

Stop making things up. Person A has an very relaxed life compared to Person B. Person A should stop moaning, move his weekend day to the week so that he is around at the weekends to ensure that Person B gets a break and takeover the laundry, meal planning and most of the admin. They are having an easy ride and still complaining.

Grass always looks greener from the other side. Both in control of their own lives so change it if not happy. Sounds like a lot of resentment from both person A & B. Actually sounds like quite a nice set up if can sort these niggles out and work as a team.

Yes they did. Person A now has to continue working a high pressured job on top of dealing with most of the tricky constant home jobs. It is person A who doesnt want the added responsibility if children.

I think it's difficult because people differ on what they think the worse end of the deal is.

I personally think it's more the other way round here that A is doing more of the boring daily grind, school runs, taking kids to hobbies I find particularly thankless, cleaning and gardening which are both boring tedious jobs whereas B gets the more fun stuff like Christmas presents and quality time in the holidays.

Person B gets very little time to herself between wrk in a high stress job and then immediately picking up all the household stuff on return from work.

Is this what everyone does 🤣 surely stress is something you create, I don’t understand what a high stress job is.

Then you may never have done one ...

lol maybe not, looking after 3 little ones seems more stressful tbh

Obviously because you have never done one. You therefore shouldn't keep commenting about something that you clearly don't understand.

What is this ‘life admin’ that people go on about?! I have a child and work from home. I suppose I do most of it because I am at home but it isn’t exactly time consuming. Unless I am rubbish and not doing it right.

Wow 🤣, off course I’ve had high pressure jobs but everyone deals with stress differently I suppose.

Is the OP actually diagnosed ADHD? Or self diagnosis? Then I can understand why she may feel stressed.

Clearly not as you stated above that you don't know what a high stress job is. Some jobs are objectively more stressful than others. Even if you have never held one yourself, it isn't hard to figure this out.