AIBU to think this is a fair split?

[Yourcatisnotsorry]

Person A works Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, various shifts totaling 25 hours per week. No commute time, no out of hours work, low stress job.

Person B works Monday - Friday 9-6. No regular commute but some business trips with 14 hour days at least a couple of times a month. Regular out of hours/late night work and high pressure/stressful job.

3 primary-age children and some pets.

Person A does all the ironing, cleaning, gardening and 70% of the school runs plus after school childcare/taking kids to hobbies 3.30-6pm three days a week.

Person B does all the life admin, pays bills, sorts birthdays and play dates, Christmas, kids hobbies, appointments and holidays etc. All shopping (weekly food shop and anything needed for the house, pets and kids), meal planning and looks after the children after school 2 days a week from 6pm until they go to bed and all day Sunday.

Everything else such as looking after the kids on Saturday, general tidying up, DIY, laundry, cooking, kids homework and pet care are shared fairly equally. Both parents get time to do their hobbies/gym/socialize occasionally.

yanbu to think this is a fair split of chores and both parties should be able to manage their obligations.

yabu if you think one partner has it much tougher than the other.

I think Person B has a raw deal

Person B works long hours yet still does more than their fair share

Person A seems to get quite a good deal. They get 18 hours a week not working and child free as children at school…

Hmm. One has 4 days free. The other two. So should be 66/33. However the jobs aren’t timed. The part timer seems to be doing less but defends on how long their contributions take. Seems a bit petty really.

Person B must be bloody exhausted.

Person A has it made! Why on earth is A not doing the shopping and other life management in their 18 hours of no work or kids?!

Person A is getting the better deal, they have multiple days where the children are at school to get things done/have down time yet person B only has Saturday not doing anything as I assume they have the kids on a Sunday whilst A works.

YABU for the Person A Person B instead of me and my partner.

Do they have equal leisure time?

Person B seems to do far more.

best advice is to ditch the ironing!

Person A seems better off BUT I think a lot is made on here of ‘life admin’ a lot of it really doesn’t take that long.

Assuming you’re person B who’s doing far more?

Person A has a much easier ride, they have 3 days when the kids are at school to do all their jobs. Person B doesn't seem to have any time without work/children to do their jobs.

Please don’t tell me A is complaining

Agree

I pity person B.

I think it's clear you're person B! You may not have done it deliberately but B's is all split down into sub tasks and A's very much is not. 'life admin, pays bills, sorts birthdays and play dates, Christmas, kids hobbies, appointments and holidays etc' is a very long way to describe something that must take less than half an hour a week on average, whereas 'does all the cleaning' is a huge task for a family of five with young children and pets, and could easily be broken down into a very detailed list, but gets glanced over in a couple of words. If you wrote out both lists in a similar way I don't think you'd get this deluge of people saying B is getting the much worse deal.

Also I think 'various shifts' is a bit vague, but if it means working nights or antisocially early or late at least some of the time then I think the impact of that beyond the 25 hours they actually work needs considering.

You haven’t mentioned financial contribution or happiness in role, both of which are key

Just tell us which you are!

B has a raw deal

Let me guess: Person A is complaining about their ‘raw deal’

Life admin, birthdays, Christmas, kids hobbies(which person A does 3 days a week), birthdays , holidays, pays bills. That is such a bullshit list of petty things that all come under “admin”.

Person A is not being fair to Person B

Instead of worrying about fairness, why not come to an agreement with partner? Clearly someone isn't happy so it doesn't matter whether it's fair on paper! It either works for you both or it doesn't.

I’m assuming you’re person B

At first, I thought Person B was doing more, but many of their tasks can be done online or over the phone, eg, shopping, (I accept that it doesn't suit everyone, but it's an option) and organising appointments (is that making the appointment or does it also mean accompanying child on the day?)

Person A's list has things that are hands-on; cleaning, cooking, ironing, gardening and school runs. You won't get far with any of them in any other way.