to think grandparents do not have to treat their step grandchildren exactly the same way as their blood grandchildren?

[betnet]

Firstly, I am not advocating for step children to be treated badly in anyway.

But I think it is fine if grandparents do not give gifts or gifts to the same value to the stepchildren as to their grandchildren. If there was a divorce the stepchildren would generally not be seen anymore anyway.

People generally would not expect grandparents to give their non related stepchildren an inheritance. Those who advocate for stepchildren to be treated exactly equally, do you think they should inherit from non related grandparents?

I am talking about stepchildren in this instance where ones DD or DS has married a partner who has children from an ex partner.

Same for family holidays. Often grandparents will pay for a family holiday and want their grandchildren to join them. They should not have to pay for the step grandchildren also.

Stepchildren can end up with four sets of grandparents.

I’m incredibly grateful that my MiL doesn’t think like you. She is my daughter’s grandmother and they are very close, I’m so glad that she’s in her life!

The downside of this suggestion is that if one's own child dies first, there's a good chance they'll leave assets to their spouse rather than the DC, particularly if like many people most of their money is in their home. And there's no guarantee the spouse will choose an equal split. They might easily choose to favour their own children.

For this reason, it's not a risk I would ever take.

My stepson was almost 18 when I met his dad so a little different, but my family buy him gifts for birthdays and Xmas (albeit smaller ones than they would buy their biological grandchildren, bw ause he's an adult!) , show an interest in his life, make him aware that he's welcome to all family events etc because he is family now.

Stepson lives with his mum 150 miles away from us (although we see him as much as possible!) But he lives ten mins away from my family. Last week he sent us a photo of him going for a pint with my dad at lunchtime which was lovely.

In terms of wills etc, no he wouldn't get the same amount as my kids and my.neicds and nephews but I'd imagine that my parents would leave him something. My dad's stepdad left us a couple of grand each in his will...obviously his biological grandson got the vast majority but he still made sure we had something because we were family...just not blood related.

I had no grandparents growing up (deceased) and step grandparents who sent cards for my birthday but no gifts like they did for my step sibling.

It didn't bother me. I understand that they weren't my grandparents.

Step sibling is set to inherit a lot from them, and again, it doesn't bother me. They're not my grandparents and they have no obligation to me.

Depends of the age of the step kids.
Young enough to build a real family connection treat them equally. Old enough to know who they real bio family is and had a relationship with them fair enough.

No relationship with the other parent family treat them equal as well unless we are talking about teens who already know what is going on well. This is not about the adults it is about raising healthy kids to be healthy adults in all the aspect. Physically and emotionally.

Is it deliberately cruel that I pay for 2 grandchildren's school fees and school trips but not for my four step grandchildren?

Context is everything. The stepchild could have been in your life since they were a baby, or they could have come in to your life as an adult, just 6 months ago.

Will they inherit from you? Would it not occur to you not to include them in your will?

There's no law. Use your moral compass. My parents treat all of their grandchildren equally. In savings, their biological grandchildren have more, purely due to circumstance. The children didn't choose this life. They are very fortunate to be surrounded by love when they entered this family

I do think it’s a bit circumstance dependent but I’d agree with you OP. I was a step child and step grandparents treated me kindly, small talk , token selection box at Christmas but they weren’t my grandparents. Completely normal imo. I was a teenager still in touch with my actual grandparents I think if very young it’s trickier though.

Did you inherit from her?

I was brought up by my step dad for 25 years. Well okay, from aged 5 to adult until he and Mum divorced when I was 30.
He couldn't have children of his own.

He died suddenly 2 years ago, left no will so his estate has gone to his brothers and sisters. £750K

My sibling and I are not recognised in law any more at all.

It turns out what we thought was family, a lifetime with... is all bollocks
Blood is thicker.

We do feel aggrieved. He was grandad to our kids.
We're not being entitled and neither are his 'grandchildren'. His family are just a bunch of vultures.

Not all step families are the same.

I think this is the key point here. Circumstances vary massively. I know one family where the stepdad has been in the child’s life since he was very small and, consequently, his mum is very much “Gran”. And that’s lovely all round. But, equally, I have a friend who married someone older with teenage kids. Those kids have a perfectly cordial relationship with her mum when they see her at family events etc, but they see her as “Margaret” or “Louise’s mum” rather than any relation of their own. And both scenarios are completely fine! There really isn’t a one size fits all.

I can see that the middle ground can be difficult - I’ve seen many a thread on here where the child is younger and stepdad is effectively the only dad the child has, but his family don’t include that child. (This often comes to light around weddings - and there was a thread around Christmas about a panto trip from which a stepchild had been left out.) And I can see that that must be very difficult to deal with.

Re the inheritance, wouldn't you typically leave it to your children anyway, rather than your grandchildren?

So they will all inherit to be treated equally?

So they will all inherit as not to be cruel?

I had step grandparents. They were nice but not loving. They doomed my parent as they were delighted to have the black sheep of the family out of their hands.

after my parent divorced the alcoholic I never spoke to my step grandparents ever again. Nor did I see them. They were good to my half sister, their blood grandchild and that’s ultimately all that matters to me.

I got with my partner when my children were younger than school age, and his parents (and siblings) welcomed us all into the family with open arms. His parents have other grandchildren who are older than my 2 but they are just like grandparents to mine, which I’m very thankful for given that my mum (who my children were very close to) passed away. And it’s a million miles away from the relationship their parental grandparents have with them; they very rarely see the children (a couple of visits a year) which is their choice, so my partners parents are the closest from that generation. I never expected this at the beginning, but I’m very happy that’s how it’s panned out. As I get older, the more I realise that family doesn’t always mean blood related.

In terms of inheritance, I wouldn’t expect my children get anything from them. I don’t expect anything as the daughter in law and I wouldn’t expect that my children receive anything from their biological grandparents either. They didn’t get anything from my mum (aside from a personal) as the inheritance fell to my mums children and I’d assume that any inheritance from the biological grandparents and step grandparents fell to their children rather than the grandchildren.

I had a step grandmother and she was utterly wonderful, and yes me and my sister inherited from her. I’ll never know if we got the same as her biological grandkids but we were included - and she also left me a beautiful antique dresser I’d always loved at her house.

People in this situation may leave it to grandchildren, for the purpose of ensuring it doesn’t go to any SGC or SC. There’s definitely been threads on here of people complaining about this recently.

You are being terribly cruel while my eldest grandaughter may not carry our blood. she is my sons eldest child in everyway therefore my grandchild how would I treat a young girl whom I have know since a small baby any different .and when we go anything will go to our son her dad in every sense of the word therefor benefit her .she knows the truth but she also knows her place in our family .so she is a lovely secure happy little girl who is equally loved as her sister .

Depends on the age I guess, I was 21 when my step grandmother died and her will was set up to divide assets across her children and grandchildren. The house went only to her children to sell. But it meant she planned exactly how she wanted everything dividing up and sharing out.

My grandchildren are my DSDs children. They call me nana and i've obviously known them from birth. I treat them exactly the same as I will treat my GC from any of my sons. And, god forbid, me and DH split up, they will still be my GC and I will still have them every weekend, take them out/away, give them presents and treats.

Grew up in a family where I was the new wife's child from the age of 3 and although I was always reassured we were one big family, it's became obviously clear that, even 45 years later - I am not 'one of them'. I would never want a child to grow up feeling the way I felt/feel. My SS still declares herself the baby of the family/youngest sibling and she is 53,,,,, and our younger brother came along when I was around 8, her around 14

I am so grateful that my parents treat my step daughter the same as my biological child. I truly don’t think they see any difference between them.

This is possibly because she was so small when we got together, she was only 2. And there’s only 3 years between her and my daughter, so it would be really cruel to treat them differently. We also have 50/50 custody which may have an influence.

I would hate for her to be treated differently. She has a step dad at her mums too, so if she was treated differently there by his family and here by my family, where would she be treated as if she was someone’s ‘real’ family?

jesus wept. We're discussing children - not adult children looking for money.

I can't imagine how it feels to turn up at step grandma's house at Xmas and receive nothing whilst the biological child has a huge gift. Must be soul-destroying. Whilst there will always be arguments for treating as your own, particularly when a child has been part of the family since they were tiny, at least give the child something in these situations.

entitlement?! goodness me.