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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would this bother you? Am I being an Uber protective drama Queen?

87 replies

Yaea · 04/04/2025 08:16

Edited to say the title should be ‘over protective’ not uber!

We have a just turned two year old. I have an extremely small car which is used infrequently as I don’t need it for work. DP’s car is the ‘family car.’ It’s now very old and in the last few weeks it’s had countless problems. One time it had a light come on and we had to call out the AA as it said stop driving. The advice was not to drive it and take it to garage immediately. This issue was then fixed and now the car is back on the road having done almost 100,000 miles and is 14 years old.

We have a few trips booked coming up and DP keeps saying he will change the car and it doesn’t happen. This is not a financial issue, the money is there to get a car straight away. He obviously wants to consider which one etc and he takes forever to make a decision.

We have a trip in Devon coming up and I am reluctant to use the car as it’s a 400 mile drive each way. We can’t use mine as it’s tiny, no room for luggage.

DP says I’m being totally unreasonable expecting him to sort the car within 3 weeks (when we are due to go) and says it’s a waste to get a hire car and that his car will likely be fine. I feel like we are putting dd in danger. Am I being over the top?

OP posts:
Randomer27 · 04/04/2025 08:18

You are being a bit over the top, but your DP is also being a useless shit, any idiot could buy a car in 3 weeks- but actually so could you, or at least do the mental load of it (I know, I know!)

Original poster
Yaea · 04/04/2025 08:20

Randomer27 · 04/04/2025 08:18

You are being a bit over the top, but your DP is also being a useless shit, any idiot could buy a car in 3 weeks- but actually so could you, or at least do the mental load of it (I know, I know!)

@Randomer27 he’s saying alongside work he can’t look properly immediately and needs longer to look into it (ie beyond this first trip we have to Devon)

OP posts:
MellowPinkDeer · 04/04/2025 08:20

Why can’t you just buy the family car, if the family has money I have no idea why you’re waiting for him to do it. Just do it yourself!

Youaremythtaken · 04/04/2025 08:21

I think saying you are putting DD in danger is a bit over the top. However you are right to want it sorted or hire a car. A breakdown with a 2 year old would be pretty hideous!

Original poster
Yaea · 04/04/2025 08:22

MellowPinkDeer · 04/04/2025 08:20

Why can’t you just buy the family car, if the family has money I have no idea why you’re waiting for him to do it. Just do it yourself!

@MellowPinkDeer i have no interest in cars and wouldn’t just buy one without his involvement.

OP posts:
Original poster
Yaea · 04/04/2025 08:23

Youaremythtaken · 04/04/2025 08:21

I think saying you are putting DD in danger is a bit over the top. However you are right to want it sorted or hire a car. A breakdown with a 2 year old would be pretty hideous!

@Youaremythtaken he is saying if that happened he would have to get a hire car sorted there and then etc but I’ve explained that would take hours and we could be stranded. Just making me feel quite stressed about the trip

OP posts:
AndSoFinally · 04/04/2025 08:23

Buy a roof box for yours to use for the trip so you've got more thinking time?

FOJN · 04/04/2025 08:23

Why don't you get rid of your car and replace it with the new family car?

Your husband is being useless but the issue with the current car is fixed so I'm not sure why you think driving it will put your child in danger. "Don't drive" notifications can come up to protect the car and are not necessarily about road worthiness.

AndSoFinally · 04/04/2025 08:23

Or just hire a car for the trip?

Pashazade · 04/04/2025 08:24

Unless the garage has told you it’s a death trap and it failed it’s MOT it’s probably fine, older cars can have wonky periods, then nothing goes funny for months. Mine has done 140,000 and is 17 years old, drove to Devon and back last year and plan to do that again plus the Lake District twice (six hours each way) this year. So if it’s been repaired and all seems good then it should be fine. I wouldn’t like to pick a new car in a hurry, if I really didn’t have too.

FairlyTired · 04/04/2025 08:24

Has it had a service done recently? If he doesn't want to pick a car within 3 weeks then he could pay for that as an alternative. But 3 weeks seems long enough, even if you give him a few hours at the weekend to research and then go look at them.

FionnulaTheCooler · 04/04/2025 08:25

We had a car breakdown on holiday once and it was a total ballache to sort out, plus the stress of wondering whether it would do it again on the hundreds of miles journey home. DH had been ignoring a warning light for weeks as it was only orange not red so "not that big a deal". 🙄 Yours needs to get him thumb out his arse and sort it because believe me you don't want to be in that same situation.

Poppins21 · 04/04/2025 08:25

But the family car is fixed? And 100,000 miles on a car is not that much.

But why can’t you go in your car ? Are you taking a lot of luggage to Devon?

Original poster
Yaea · 04/04/2025 08:25

FOJN · 04/04/2025 08:23

Why don't you get rid of your car and replace it with the new family car?

Your husband is being useless but the issue with the current car is fixed so I'm not sure why you think driving it will put your child in danger. "Don't drive" notifications can come up to protect the car and are not necessarily about road worthiness.

@FOJN because mine is just a tiny run around, wouldn’t even be worth getting rid of. I also know little about cars and have no interest, just want it to be safe.

That’s what he is saying about the light. He says it has gone off so all is ok. It just feels incredibly stressful.

OP posts:
PullTheBricksDown · 04/04/2025 08:25

Say you will hire a car if it can't be sorted in time. That's your line. I agree that for a 400 mile journey you want to be in a well maintained, properly working car.

Youaremythtaken · 04/04/2025 08:25

Yaea · 04/04/2025 08:23

@Youaremythtaken he is saying if that happened he would have to get a hire car sorted there and then etc but I’ve explained that would take hours and we could be stranded. Just making me feel quite stressed about the trip

Show quote history

That's ridiculous. As you say it would take hours and be a nightmare to co-ordinate. Honestly, I agree with everyone else, you're going to have to take control of this situation and just refuse to go in his car. Hire a car yourself for you and your daughter.

FuckYouTony · 04/04/2025 08:26

It's not necessarily danger I'd be concerned about, more the inconvenience of something going wrong and being stranded. You're right to want to get a new car as soon as possible.
You make him go shopping for one this weekend.

Original poster
Yaea · 04/04/2025 08:26

Poppins21 · 04/04/2025 08:25

But the family car is fixed? And 100,000 miles on a car is not that much.

But why can’t you go in your car ? Are you taking a lot of luggage to Devon?

@Poppins21 mine is tiny, it would barely even fit one bit of luggage let alone all we need for dd.

I thought 100,000 miles was pretty much game over?!

OP posts:
ohtowinthelottery · 04/04/2025 08:27

3 weeks is plenty of time to get a new (2nd hand car, at least).
I had to change mine recently as my old one was beyond economical repair. I test drove one on Friday and picked it up the following Tuesday.

I feel your pain re the head in the sand DH though. My DH had issues with a light coming on intermittently on his car. He declared it to be fine. We set off on a 4 hour journey over the Christmas holidays to visit family and unsurprisingly we broke down half way there! Had to abandon the trip and return home on the back of a truck!
He then insisted that we do the trip again the following day in my car, which although roadworthy (recently serviced and MOTd), I'd been advised to trade in sooner rather than later. It wasn't a very relaxing journey tbh.

And because of Christmas, garages were all shut so DHs car was off the road for 3 weeks. If only he'd sorted it out when the problem first arose!

Original poster
Yaea · 04/04/2025 08:27

Pashazade · 04/04/2025 08:24

Unless the garage has told you it’s a death trap and it failed it’s MOT it’s probably fine, older cars can have wonky periods, then nothing goes funny for months. Mine has done 140,000 and is 17 years old, drove to Devon and back last year and plan to do that again plus the Lake District twice (six hours each way) this year. So if it’s been repaired and all seems good then it should be fine. I wouldn’t like to pick a new car in a hurry, if I really didn’t have too.

@Pashazade thanks this is reassuring!

OP posts:
Poppins21 · 04/04/2025 08:28

Yaea · 04/04/2025 08:26

@Poppins21 mine is tiny, it would barely even fit one bit of luggage let alone all we need for dd.

I thought 100,000 miles was pretty much game over?!

Show quote history

my little run about has 375,000 kms on it (250,000 Miles) and she is going strong. 2007 model. She has been driving my daughter around safely for years.

Moonnstars · 04/04/2025 08:29

It is actually quite hard to find a decent second hand car if that is what he wants to do and is looking for a particular type. It's not just the cost he might want to consider but the tax costs, age of car, mileage. Also he might have to travel around to find a car which again isn't always easy and if it is a good deal it's likely it will be sold quickly.

Even buying a new car isn't that simple as it may not actually be at the garage and you might have to wait for it to be delivered.

Coali · 04/04/2025 08:29

Yaea · 04/04/2025 08:22

@MellowPinkDeer i have no interest in cars and wouldn’t just buy one without his involvement.

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I have no interest in water bills, comparing insurance, prams, general household appliances, but it’s pretty easy to google and learn enough to be able to purchase something. Maybe now is the time to do a quick bit of research and buy a car, if you’re that worried about safety make it happen yourself and choose a safe car.

HelloMyNameIsElderSmurf · 04/04/2025 08:29

14 years and 100,000 miles doesn't mean your car is inherently undriveable or unsafe - when was its last MOT?

I do think the safety angle is a little OOT but if you're concerned about a breakdown, which I agree would be a pain, just hire a car and drive it yourself. Take control and take anything DH has to do out of the equation.

MellowPinkDeer · 04/04/2025 08:29

Yaea · 04/04/2025 08:22

@MellowPinkDeer i have no interest in cars and wouldn’t just buy one without his involvement.

Show quote history

I have no interest in cars either but if the one I needed was broken I’d be researching and test driving and getting it done. I wouldn’t be waiting and moaning that nothing by was happening! I bet if you started looking he’d want to take over anyway so it would probably happen quicker without you having to do it all?