Would this bother you? Am I being an Uber protective drama Queen?

[Yaea]

Edited to say the title should be ‘over protective’ not uber!

We have a just turned two year old. I have an extremely small car which is used infrequently as I don’t need it for work. DP’s car is the ‘family car.’ It’s now very old and in the last few weeks it’s had countless problems. One time it had a light come on and we had to call out the AA as it said stop driving. The advice was not to drive it and take it to garage immediately. This issue was then fixed and now the car is back on the road having done almost 100,000 miles and is 14 years old.

We have a few trips booked coming up and DP keeps saying he will change the car and it doesn’t happen. This is not a financial issue, the money is there to get a car straight away. He obviously wants to consider which one etc and he takes forever to make a decision.

We have a trip in Devon coming up and I am reluctant to use the car as it’s a 400 mile drive each way. We can’t use mine as it’s tiny, no room for luggage.

DP says I’m being totally unreasonable expecting him to sort the car within 3 weeks (when we are due to go) and says it’s a waste to get a hire car and that his car will likely be fine. I feel like we are putting dd in danger. Am I being over the top?

I'm not a fan of older cars with high mileage. I'm scared of breakdowns especially with a child in the car. I agree with you, you should go get a new car if he won't.

Just do your research online

Good point!

@parakeet this is exactly how I buy cars!

I like Fiestas. I just buy a newer Fiesta.

God knows what I'll do now they don't make Fiestas.

The only cars that have left me at the side of the road because they broke down were under a year old; a Nissan and a Lexus. So there’s no guarantee a new car won’t let you down either. I have been stranded by a Mercedes, but that was a puncture so not really the car’s fault. Oh, and my Fiat Uno ran out of petrol when I was a student 🤣

100,000 miles alone is not enough to make a car breakdown - it’s a peculiar old fashioned uk obsession. My parents are the same. But do those on mainland Europe have the same fear at 160,000kms? Of course not…it’s just a number…

Hopefully they’ll bring it back for you. They’ve relaunched the Ford Capri after all…though it did take the best part of 40 years…

My daily drive has 230,000 miles on it. I would happily drive it to Devon. You could buy a new (brand new or second hand) car tomorrow, and it could still break down.

If you're that worried, why not take all the paperwork for the existing car with you, and look for a new car while you are on holiday? That removes all the stress of work, and you may get a better deal.

So youhave no interest in cars bit have decided a car is not suitable to drive but don't want to buy one yourself but also want to hire one?

This. The issue with the oil isn't life and death and it's been fixed by the garage. It's somewhat OTT to be demanding a new car is bought in 3 weeks and that your current car is a death trap and is game over.

I find it somewhat strange too your professing to have no interest in cars and this is your husbands area yet to come on here with pretty strong opinions that your own car is unsafe and that your skeptical the garage has sorted the issue despite admitting to not knowing the first thing about car maintenance. I'm not particularly interested in cars either but as a grown up responsible adult, I have enough intelligence to go research cars online that are within my price budget. If it's something that is that important to you, you'd take some ownership as well as being involved in the research and purchasing of a car then sitting back saying it's nothing to do with you.

My DH goes into analysis paralysis for larger purchases too. It’s incredibly irritating when you need something quickly.

The recent issue you had sounds like nothing to worry about - it was low on oil and the garage topped it up, all cars need their oil topping up every now and again so that’s now fixed. If it was leaking oil you’d see it on your driveway/road underneath the car.

However, as you’ve lost confidence in the car and are worried about spending day 1 of your holiday sat on the roadside waiting for a breakdown truck then that’s not boding well for a relaxing family holiday. 3 weeks is plenty of time to buy a used car. Can you take your husband out this Saturday or Sunday car shopping?

I’ve found over the years I have to add some momentum to DH’s analysis phase of buying!

We had a 7 hour drive to Cornwall last year. 4 weeks before, the steering rack went (dh car, 15 years old, 120k). Had it fixed. The week before the steering rack went again. Had it fixed. Car was perfect to drive.

Took my car to Scotland which took 5 hours (1 year old, 8k) and it broke down. Had to be towed to the garage and we had an onward journey in the AA van. Had to use a hire car for the rest of the trip.

What I'm getting at is that cars don't have to be old to have issues. All cars regardless of age can break down. And usually, once that issue's fixed, it's fixed.

What was the dash light for? What got repaired? Cars tend to tell you to stop driving so that no more problems can happen due to the issue that the car has.

MOTs are useful for that day only really, you could drive out, hit a pothole and break your coil spring. If you then drove the car back in, it would fail the MOT.

I'd be more inclined to use the car you have. You know the history of the car and you know that you've taken it to reputable garages. You don't really know what has been going on with second hand cars, for all you know the car you want to buy could have had the same issue as yours and has been fixed. You just wouldn't know about it unless there are receipts and history.

My car has close to 200K miles and is 15 years old but it's a Prius and they are tanks (easily get 300K miles from them).

I'd take the family car to a garage for a service and ask them to have a look and say whether they thought it was in decent shape for a longer trip. Given the previous problem was fixed I don't see any reason why you couldn't drive it to Devon.

Alternatively, do some research on cars and present your DH with a shortlist of possible options?

Maybe in the 1970s, because most cars would have rusted away or fallen to bits by then. Modern vehicles are easily capable of very much higher mileages.

If the car has been fixed and the warning light has gone off, I wouldn't worry. My OH has a few very old cars (1990's) and I don't really ever think about it as he does maintain them. I think I also come from a generation that drove old cars so it wouldn't worry me. We were also once in a similar position; our estate car not returned from the garage and due to go on a camping trip to France. A roof box on my small car saved the holiday. Kids were rather packed in the back but it was fun. Enjoy your time in Devon.

He can look properly when you’re in Devon😊 I used to find that if I started doing the work the husband would take over as he thought he would do a better job. So start looking for a vehicle online and see if he wants to step in 😂

i would want it fixed. She’s not in danger but a breakdown on those poxy roads down to Devon could cost you hours and hours

I would just use your car with a roof box tbh

Time for a bit of weaponised incompetence to motivate him then. Tell him that ideally it’s a decision you’d make together but if he hasn’t got time then you’ll sort out buying a new family car by yourself as it’s urgent before you go on your long trip. Tell him which websites/dealers etc you’re going to look at and actually start looking so he knows you’re serious. I’m sure you’ll be surprised how quickly he can manage to sort it out if the alternative is you buying something unsuitable/undesirable.

Three weeks is plenty of time, I bet he gets one then next day when he runs the car into the ground.
On a side note (just to confuse things). I would not be happy driving that far in a car I just bought, that's just as risky.
Personally I would consider what you want to buy and then hire one.

Get it serviced before the trip if you haven't recently. If you've had it serviced recently do a long journey check list before going - oil, water, washer fluid, tyre pressures
Both mine and my partners cars at 14 years old. Mine has 50000 and my partners 100000 miles on the clock and both have had similar issues. They both have needed new batteries and spark plugs in the last year or so for example.
We'd happily take either on long journeys but we make sure we give them a check over every month or so depending on use and keep an eye on various things that need replacing every so many miles. For example we realised that week that my partners car was due some new filters at it had been just over the recommended time.

We went on holiday 2 summers ago and it was my dad's new car with low mileage that broke down. A spring broke and that was a bigger pain as it was under warranty we had to drive and hour and a half away to go to the dealership. If it had been our car out of warranty it could have been sent to the local garage and caused less disruption.

Chill, 100k is nothing. It's been repaired. Make sure you have breakdown cover and enjoy the break

Its not about danger its about a long trip in comfort and not worrying about breaking down.
Insist on going car shopping this weekend

I don't think it takes long to buy a car? We had ours break down and were towed to a garage, I was alone, and was told the car could not go on the road again due to safety concerns. The next day we got a lift with 3 young kids to a car sales place and bought a 7 seater and drove home in it. We said afterwards it was the best thing that could have happened, we would have spent months overthinking it. But it was a case of phoning, hi do you have any 7 seaters in X budget, yes we'll be there in an hour, deal done. I would also be anxious about being stranded. I think you need to start pushing the car sale and do research yourself.

I drive a 14 year old car. It gets MOTd and serviced and is a great car.

150k miles on it.

I don’t see the issue

I don’t see the issue either with the mileage or age, a well maintained car can keep going safely for a lot more than 100k miles. Any car no matter the age or mileage can breakdown for many reasons. I had a 2.5yr old car with less than 30K mileage flash up with warning messages and needed to go back to the garage for fixing so mileage and age isn’t necessarily a reflection on its reliability.

Maybe take it to a garage for a service and check over before the Devon trip. I would agree with your husband that rushing to buy a replacement car before the holiday to Devon means you don’t have time to consider and look properly and depending on what you decide the garage where you buy it (if it is from a garage) may need time to MOT/service/clean etc so 3 week’s isn’t much time for something which is likely to cost thousands. Yeah it’s possible to just buy another car straight away but if there is no rush to do so (which your husband doesn’t think there is) then give yourselves time to get something that’s right for what you need.

I remember a family holiday to France where the car broke down whilst there on the way back to the ferry (radiator broken). It was middle of the day around bastille day so everything was closed, managed to find a mechanic to help and who’s family gave us colouring books etc, got taken to the port, could drive onto ferry as was a short distance, breakdown truck all the way from south coast to northern England- it was an adventure we still talk about and certainly didn’t spoil the holiday.

Breaking down is usually just an inconvenience not often a danger.

I agree with both of you in certain points.
No it won't put your DD in danger, going in any car has risks etc.
But likewise I understand the apprehension of breaking down on the motorway or somewhere unsafe with a 2 year old - it's every parents nightmare, besides getting stuck on the motorway in traffic.
Nobody wants that situation, and it's understandable it's casting a shadow over your holiday.
However your husband isn't wrong for wanting to buy the right one, cars are expensive money pits and it's a minefield trying to pick the right one.
I am the car buyer in my family, and in a rush I purchased a car for a LOT of money and within 6 weeks it had to have the engine completely taken out for a repair. It cost more in multiple repairs than it was worth in the 2 years I owned. Buying another one doesn't guarantee you won't have issues.

If the garage have fixed the issue, and it's a sturdy car 100,000 miles doesn't mean the end for a car but I'd be thinking about getting a new one to save expected repair costs.