Would this bother you? Am I being an Uber protective drama Queen?

[Yaea]

Edited to say the title should be ‘over protective’ not uber!

We have a just turned two year old. I have an extremely small car which is used infrequently as I don’t need it for work. DP’s car is the ‘family car.’ It’s now very old and in the last few weeks it’s had countless problems. One time it had a light come on and we had to call out the AA as it said stop driving. The advice was not to drive it and take it to garage immediately. This issue was then fixed and now the car is back on the road having done almost 100,000 miles and is 14 years old.

We have a few trips booked coming up and DP keeps saying he will change the car and it doesn’t happen. This is not a financial issue, the money is there to get a car straight away. He obviously wants to consider which one etc and he takes forever to make a decision.

We have a trip in Devon coming up and I am reluctant to use the car as it’s a 400 mile drive each way. We can’t use mine as it’s tiny, no room for luggage.

DP says I’m being totally unreasonable expecting him to sort the car within 3 weeks (when we are due to go) and says it’s a waste to get a hire car and that his car will likely be fine. I feel like we are putting dd in danger. Am I being over the top?

I agree I wouldn’t want to be rushed into it either.

He has form for this across all areas of life 😂 everything takes time.

I would prefer a hire car but he’s saying that’s ridiculous as I made sure we did that last time and it cost a few hundred. He is reluctant to do it again when he says the car is driving fine.

Could you get a roof rack or roof box fitted on your car? I have one our larger car for ski and surfing trips and it fits loads of things in and you can take it off when not needed? Might give you more flexibility.

Our main car is 17 years old and has done well over 100 000 miles. Our small car (bought 7 years ago for teens learning to drive) is 14 years old and has done nearly 100 000. We have done loads of long trips in both, so I don't think a big mileage is game over, as long as they are maintained and issues have been properly fixed.

Yep that what I suggested. I didn’t get one for years but I regretted not getting one sooner after I did 😂

Apart from one which the gearbox died and one which was written off when some twat drove into mum, we've never let a car go till it's done at least 200k. Uncle has an older version of my current car, both Toyotas, and it's done 330k and counting - definitely not game over at 100k!

If it's an engine light you could get yourself one of these and the free Torque app which means you can read them - one of my cars had a frequent one which was to do with something I'd removed and not something that needed garage attention every time it pinged. https://amzn.eu/d/3i7KhlQ

But also you're not being unreasonable and DP should make a decision on a new car if the money is there!

She’s not in danger.

100,000 isn’t game over for cars. It depends on the car and how it has been maintained.

all cars have things that break and need replacing, this is normal. If it’s not been looked after - regular service, mot, tyres and oil checked - it’s more likely to have things go wrong but just being old isn’t a reason in itself.

what needed replacing?

mine had an oil leak and I had to take it immediately to the garage but it was just a plastic tube that needed replacing.

Oh I agree a car had to be on its last legs but we maintain them and i can do most basic maintenance myself so I think it makes it easier.

@Octavia64 the last thing was an oil issue. It said oil pressure low and to stop driving. But when it went into the garage they just refilled the oil. So I’m sceptical that it hasn’t been fixed but apparently they looked at it.

It broke down, you had it repaired, and now you think it’s dangerous?

You are being ridiculously OTT. People drive old motors all the time. Also, newer cars also break down, there is no guarantee. I would feel less safe in a hire car than my own little old motor that I knew well. These things are absolutely thrashed by drivers. Last time I had to use a hire car I was checking the tyres when I collected it and discovered it had a massive screw in the front offside. That had the potential to cause a slow puncture at best, blowout on the motorway at worst. I refused the car, they refused to give me a different car and I had to fight for weeks to have my money refunded.

your car isn’t unsafe because it is old, you say it’s had countless problems but only mentioned one incident where you don’t actually say what was wrong. If you are able to list the problems perhaps we could put your mind at rest?

It would say don’t drive as with very little oil you would destroy the engine. Do you guys get the cars regularly serviced?

Do you have the car serviced regularly?

Get a quote for a hire car. Start looking at the local car dealerships online. You are more than a capable of choosing a car. Then discuss with him your findings. You’re an equal adult in this relationship. I would say not being a drama Queen but you are being a bit of a cliche ‘oh Im not interested in cars’ but you do seem to have pretty sensible knowledge about cars! So get on with it and choose one that you would prefer and tell him.

You do have an interest in cars, you've just started a thread about them! You're dithering as much as he is. It's not the 60's when cars were the man's domain. Sort it yourself if you are genuinely concerned. Otherwise, if you think your husband is putting your child in danger then so are you.

You have no interest in cars but don't trust the garage that your issue is fixed. You are being somewhat hysterical about something that is not a big deal.

Hire car

its a holiday not a stress opportunity

Cars these days don’t tend to lose oil unless there is something else wrong

A compromise would be a hire car for Devon and he looks at cars online/ sorts some viewings while you're away for when you get back?

Our last family car had over 250,000 on the clock and was still going strong! DH used to rack up 40,000+ miles a year travelling all over the country for work. 100,000 is fine!

The car sounds fine. It had an issue, the issue was fixed. As long as it’s got an MOT and is overall well maintained, there’s no reason it shouldn’t last another 50,000 miles.

@Yaea To make yourself feel happier, make sure you have a container of oil and a container of coolant in the car on your journey, (you can go to Halfords and plug in the make etc of the car on a tablet in the aisle and it will tell you which oil to buy). I travel with both these days just to be on the safe side as the car does go through oil a little faster. (A full oil sump will last a lot of miles so if it’s been done recently it should all be fine) this is merely a sensible precaution.
If you or husband don’t know how to top up/check these things pop round to the garage and ask someone to show you or take a look on Youtube. The lights come on to warn us there is a problem before it gets serious. They go off once the problem is solved. Im sure it’s fine.
You might have no interest in cars, but learning the basics of oil/coolant/ levels & tyre pressure is worth your time. My dad was very adamant about me learning the basics and I can also change a tyre if necessary.

An oil pressure alert isn't a big deal. The advice to not drive the car with low oil pressure is because not having plenty of oil can mean increased friction between moving parts, which can damage the parts if it goes on too much. It's to protect the car from damage, not because the car will be an immediate danger to people.

Sounds like the car has oil now and has been checked by a garage so it should be fine.

If you want to replace an old car, that's fine, but nothing you've said makes me think the car you have is a death-trap. It might help you feel more confident to learn a bit about car maintenance and how to do basic things like oil checks, tyre changes, etc?

My trusty Honda jazz (great family car) is 15 years old and going strong. Very fixable and the jazz forums tend to report the same sort of faults so easy to keep an eye on what can/will go wrong

Pay for a service before you go, get breakdown cover if you've not already got it or consider upgrading it for the trip if you've got just basic cover
Or hire a car for the trip
Should be fine

My MILs car always has warning lights go on all the time - in her case it's a sensor issue but FIL is very handy with cars and has even bought one of those warning code box things.

I think getting a new used car in 3 weeks is too much but enough for a new one.

100,000 in 14 years is nothing! My poor car has done 60,000 in 2 years and is perfect.

Cars need their oil topped up. If neither of you check the oil regularly eventually you will get a warning light. This is just a normal part of owning a car.

I have great news for you. You don't have to be interested in cars, nor to know anything about them, in order to buy a new car. The same goes for me, and I have managed to buy about six (used) cars in my life so far, and not one of them was a duff. The last two have been through one of those Car Supermarket type places, which makes it even easier. Just agree with your partner what the budget is, then get the same make and model as your last family car. You can research what's available in one evening, then buy it this weekend. Don't be a wimp!