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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a reception aged child could travel 20 minutes on the bus to school?

118 replies

ArtMonkey · 04/04/2025 06:53

I'm trying to find somewhere less rubbish to live following a break up. Currently live within walking distance of the school but a little house in the nicest area of the city has come up, I'm down to the last four applicants. DS would need to get used to a 20 minute bus ride though. We might be able to switch schools at year 3 but it's not guaranteed and unlikely before then (best school locally and oversubscribed.) He does get travel sick but maybe could get used to it? We basically walk everywhere or get the train now so it's not something he's exposed to often.

Other major downside is that his dad has him overnight one day a week but won't do school drop off. I'm currently in the mindset that he can either step up and do a drop off, visit at the new place (which he travels past on his way home from work) or it's his own fault he misses out.

What do you think - is the move doable?

YABU - stay where you are, it's not fair on DS
YANBU - take the house if it's offered

OP posts:
Coffeeishot · 04/04/2025 08:13

ArtMonkey · 04/04/2025 08:09

He's a super little walker, but to be honest we just live with being restricted. He's always been able to do the bus around the city to get to the castle, museum etc. until recently and he's happy enough going somewhere, it's the way back. I'm not sure school is exciting enough though.

Show quote history

Sometimes they just have to do non exciting things he will be fine once he's into the routine.

ahagwearsapointybonnet · 04/04/2025 08:15

The travel bands worked great for my travel-sick DS, and he also outgrew it later on and now happily reads in the back of the car!

PartoftheBand · 04/04/2025 08:16

I agree with PP that the travel sickness is a concern, and I would do some trial runs on the bus route, ideally at school run times, to see how he coped re sickness and also busyness, before making the decision.

ErrolTheDragon · 04/04/2025 08:23

Bunnycat101 · 04/04/2025 08:01

Try the specific route to see how busy it is as well. Standing up v sitting down may be the difference between sickness and not. Even as an adult, I get very queasy standing on trains and buses. Tube is generally fine but I’d struggle standing for 20 mins on a bus without feeling sick.

It can be the other way round. I used to get travel sick on buses (it was a 7mile B road to visit the grandparents)until when I was six we had a holiday starting with crossing the North Sea in a force 9 gale - I stayed on my feet for some reason, and wasn’t sick while my older brothers were. So I decided being sick on a bus was silly and stood up the next few times and was fine thereafter.
Of course looking out of the windows, preferably facing forward is a good idea, and never try to read or anything like that.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 04/04/2025 08:28

We lived a 20 minute bus ride from primary school and my children comfortably walked it there and back most days from nursery age. Always took the buggy whilst in nursery but was rarely used. The worst thing about the walk was they wouldn't carry their book bags and lunch boxes and I ended up carrying them all. Oh and carrying home junk models

Jimmyneutronsforehead · 04/04/2025 08:32

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 04/04/2025 08:07

Yes, 20 mins on the bus is fine in reception, but FFS, his dad won't do drop offs?

Who is enabling all these men to opt out of basic parenting responsibilities!! His dad needs to step up. Getting children to school is what parents do, whether they do it theirselves, or arrange a childminder or breakfast club instead. I wouldn't be buying that stall.

Go for the house, it sounds lovely.

Well seen as both parents get fined now for absences I would have thought that's either an incentive for him to do school runs or another stick to beat OP with if he isn't bothered about doing them.

NoBinturongsHereMate · 04/04/2025 08:32

NewName2025 · 04/04/2025 07:08

DD1 (almost 4y) gets travel sick in cars and public buses / coaches and there is absolutely no way i would inflict that on her twice a day. She has got sick in vehicles since she was 8mo and nothing seems to have changed so unsure as to the extent she would grow out of it or get used to it. Neither would I want to be medicating her twice a day. I think you need to do some practice bus journeys first to see if the travel sickness is there with the bus before you make a decision. Otherwise it's a bit cruel to expect a child to perform their best at school if they are being sick every day on the way there.

Edit to add - the time on the bus isn't an issue in my opinion, it's the sickness that is.

Edited

I agree with this.

For.me, a bus is the worst possible form of transport - never grown out of it, and certainly wouldn't 'get used to it in a few days'. The after effects last for hoursm. Travel sickness meds cause drowsiness - not good at the start a school day.

So do a few test journeys, but if your DC does have bus travel sickness then 20 minutes is a no go.

WhySoManySocks · 04/04/2025 08:36

He’ll gradually get less travel sick as he gets used to traveling by bus regularly. Not from 1-2 “practice” journeys. I say that as a person who used to be travel sick and a mother of two travel sick children.

Wipethedogspaws · 04/04/2025 08:36

NewName2025 · 04/04/2025 07:08

DD1 (almost 4y) gets travel sick in cars and public buses / coaches and there is absolutely no way i would inflict that on her twice a day. She has got sick in vehicles since she was 8mo and nothing seems to have changed so unsure as to the extent she would grow out of it or get used to it. Neither would I want to be medicating her twice a day. I think you need to do some practice bus journeys first to see if the travel sickness is there with the bus before you make a decision. Otherwise it's a bit cruel to expect a child to perform their best at school if they are being sick every day on the way there.

Edit to add - the time on the bus isn't an issue in my opinion, it's the sickness that is.

Edited

I agree. I've suffered with travel sickness since being very small and there's no way I'd inflict that journey on a child. I've got vivid memories of years of resting my head against the bus window trying to concentrate on the vibrations of the bus to take my mind off the nausea whilst I sucked endless sweets. People on this thread are very dismissive of how awful travel sickness is.

Westun · 04/04/2025 08:36

Is cycling an option?

Wipethedogspaws · 04/04/2025 08:37

WhySoManySocks · 04/04/2025 08:36

He’ll gradually get less travel sick as he gets used to traveling by bus regularly. Not from 1-2 “practice” journeys. I say that as a person who used to be travel sick and a mother of two travel sick children.

Edited

Why do you say that? Travel sickness isn't something you necessarily get used to.

WhySoManySocks · 04/04/2025 08:40

Wipethedogspaws · 04/04/2025 08:37

Why do you say that? Travel sickness isn't something you necessarily get used to.

Show quote history

Because I have a lot of experience with travel sickness, and it typically reduces with age and exposure.

In the meantime, ai would not medicate twice a day, but would use other methods - sitting in the front (not upstairs), looking at distant outside objects, not looking at screens / books / objects inside the bus, not eating immediately before a journey, and making sure the last thing eaten was dry and plain (eg toast rather than cereal or a bacon roll).

GofE · 04/04/2025 08:42

Maybe give a bus ride a try ... i have always had travel sickness since a child, but would be better on a bus than in a car ..

NoBinturongsHereMate · 04/04/2025 08:44

it typically reduces with age and exposure.

I'm in my 50s. At what age can I expect to grow out of it?

Some, perhaps even many, people may find it reduces with exposure but it is definitely not something you can rely on.

Wipethedogspaws · 04/04/2025 08:44

WhySoManySocks · 04/04/2025 08:40

Because I have a lot of experience with travel sickness, and it typically reduces with age and exposure.

In the meantime, ai would not medicate twice a day, but would use other methods - sitting in the front (not upstairs), looking at distant outside objects, not looking at screens / books / objects inside the bus, not eating immediately before a journey, and making sure the last thing eaten was dry and plain (eg toast rather than cereal or a bacon roll).

Show quote history

The post I quoted only had the first sentence but I see you edited it and added a whole paragraph!

Watermill · 04/04/2025 08:47

SoftandQuiet · 04/04/2025 06:55

God I thought you ment on his own!!

So did I!! Had to change my vote!!

Didshejustsaythatoutloud · 04/04/2025 08:49

SoftandQuiet · 04/04/2025 06:55

God I thought you ment on his own!!

Me too 😮😂

Gloriia · 04/04/2025 08:51

What is rubbish about where you live?

Tbh, at that age being nearer friends and his df would be my priority. Playdates, parties you'll be forever trudging about. What about if you're ill at least if near school another parent could step in to drop off.

Sorry if you've said but have you thought about learning to drive?

theressomanytinafeysicouldbe · 04/04/2025 08:53

YABU - purely for the 'he will get over it' about the travel sickness, what if he doesn't. How old is he to be travelling on the bus?

You said you could not change his school until year 3, is there a reason, could you not change sooner if you have moved to a new catchment area?

Daddy should be doing what he can when he has DS, he should do the drop off, he is just being unreasonable

0ohLarLar · 04/04/2025 08:53

How will you fit all that travel time around your job? You are adding in a lot of extra commute time

Comtesse · 04/04/2025 08:54

We did a 45 min journey across London on train and bus for 4 years with little kids - it wasn’t the most fun start to the morning but we managed! 20 mins is no big deal, do what you need to do!

grimupnorthnot · 04/04/2025 08:55

pretty normal round here.

Original poster
ArtMonkey · 04/04/2025 09:09

theressomanytinafeysicouldbe · 04/04/2025 08:53

YABU - purely for the 'he will get over it' about the travel sickness, what if he doesn't. How old is he to be travelling on the bus?

You said you could not change his school until year 3, is there a reason, could you not change sooner if you have moved to a new catchment area?

Daddy should be doing what he can when he has DS, he should do the drop off, he is just being unreasonable

To be fair, I didn't say "he will get over it"l." I wondered if he might get used to the travelling. By this I meant not feeling sick and finding it unpleasant once it became familiar and he was acclimatised to it. He's five as he's in reception and I did explain in my OP that the closer school is oversubscribed so it was unlikely I'd be able to move his school.

OP posts:
Original poster
ArtMonkey · 04/04/2025 09:13

Gloriia · 04/04/2025 08:51

What is rubbish about where you live?

Tbh, at that age being nearer friends and his df would be my priority. Playdates, parties you'll be forever trudging about. What about if you're ill at least if near school another parent could step in to drop off.

Sorry if you've said but have you thought about learning to drive?

It's just a rubbish area. We're over the River from his school (it's actually a faff to drive and quicker to walk over a footbridge). We have a tiny yard and are on busy road. The new house has a garden and is opposite a field with a play park on a quiet no through road. It also hasn't got a chemist on the same road where you walk past people queuing for their methadone on the run up to 9am.

OP posts:
MusicMakesItAllBetter · 04/04/2025 09:15

SoftandQuiet · 04/04/2025 06:55

God I thought you ment on his own!!

Where does it say that the child isn't traveling alone? I can't seem to find it

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