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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a reception aged child could travel 20 minutes on the bus to school?

118 replies

ArtMonkey · 04/04/2025 06:53

I'm trying to find somewhere less rubbish to live following a break up. Currently live within walking distance of the school but a little house in the nicest area of the city has come up, I'm down to the last four applicants. DS would need to get used to a 20 minute bus ride though. We might be able to switch schools at year 3 but it's not guaranteed and unlikely before then (best school locally and oversubscribed.) He does get travel sick but maybe could get used to it? We basically walk everywhere or get the train now so it's not something he's exposed to often.

Other major downside is that his dad has him overnight one day a week but won't do school drop off. I'm currently in the mindset that he can either step up and do a drop off, visit at the new place (which he travels past on his way home from work) or it's his own fault he misses out.

What do you think - is the move doable?

YABU - stay where you are, it's not fair on DS
YANBU - take the house if it's offered

OP posts:
Fourecks · 04/04/2025 07:17

I'm another one who jumped in to tell you of course not - then realised you meant with you 😅.

I hope Dad steps up but it's not on you if he doesn't.

NewName2025 · 04/04/2025 07:23

CaptainMyCaptain · 04/04/2025 07:15

What will happen when she's at secondary school and has to travel further?

Show quote history

We live in London and basically take the tram / train / tube everywhere. Shes only been sick on the tube twice, tram and train never, so by far the least worst option. If we go on outings/ school trips, I'm hoping the travel sickness medicines will help once she's old enough to take them but I think it's a bit much to expect her to take them twice a day every day.

Mydietstartstomorrow · 04/04/2025 07:28

Try him on a local bus now and see how he gets on

Original poster
ArtMonkey · 04/04/2025 07:28

NewName2025 · 04/04/2025 07:08

DD1 (almost 4y) gets travel sick in cars and public buses / coaches and there is absolutely no way i would inflict that on her twice a day. She has got sick in vehicles since she was 8mo and nothing seems to have changed so unsure as to the extent she would grow out of it or get used to it. Neither would I want to be medicating her twice a day. I think you need to do some practice bus journeys first to see if the travel sickness is there with the bus before you make a decision. Otherwise it's a bit cruel to expect a child to perform their best at school if they are being sick every day on the way there.

Edit to add - the time on the bus isn't an issue in my opinion, it's the sickness that is.

Edited

Some trial runs are probably a good idea. He was always fine on a bus and will still happily go into town (about 10 minutes) as long as I've packed a bus snack. He throws a paddy on the way home though so I've kind of given up. I've been too exhausted dealing with the separation and associated problems to pick battles I don't need to!

OP posts:
GRex · 04/04/2025 07:31

Car and coach are much more likely to lead to travel sickness than a bus. Least travel sickness if you travel sititng over the back wheel on a bus.

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 04/04/2025 07:31

SoftandQuiet · 04/04/2025 06:55

God I thought you ment on his own!!

So did I. If you're going with him it's fine, but I would try the route first see how he goes with travel sickness. My eldest gets it and I wouldn't have her going through that twice every school day, but if he's fine on that journey and you're going with him no reason not to do it.

Original poster
ArtMonkey · 04/04/2025 07:31

GRex · 04/04/2025 07:03

BTW - dad not doing a drop-off isn't relevant, the school isn't moving. Dad needs to either do drop-off or drop the school nights and have him Saturday nights instead, but that would be the same whether you move house or not.

Dad currently has him EOW. I'm not prepared to give up my weekend with DS so his dad doesn't have to get him ready for school on time. If we moved he could continue to have overnights (perhaps he could even manage two a week!) and drop at school, spend the evening visiting DS at mine or do without.

OP posts:
MissScarletInTheBallroom · 04/04/2025 07:35

I think it sounds like an absolute no brainer, OP.

You'd live somewhere nicer, there's a good chance he would get into the better local school at some point, and you wouldn't be moving far.

If his dad is going to use the excuse that he's moved slightly further away within the same town not to see him, he'll do it at some point for some reason or other anyway, and he doesn't deserve to be in the picture. Do what's best for you and your son, and ignore your ex.

Terribletasteinmen · 04/04/2025 07:39

How travel sick? My youngest gets sick but is fine in the 30 mins to school and is fine on the bus for that length of time. Can you try a few bus trips, making sure they look out of the window and don’t read / play on electronics etc and see how far is comfortable.

CousinBob · 04/04/2025 07:40

I’d try very short bus journeys first, and make them a positive experience. Then build up.

WoahThreeAces · 04/04/2025 07:46

CaptainMyCaptain · 04/04/2025 07:15

What will happen when she's at secondary school and has to travel further?

Show quote history

Both of my travel sick children had pretty much grown out of it by secondary age - my eldest still feels queasy on the bus sometimes and will take meds for a long journey but is never actually sick. But at age 5 neither of them could go more than about 10 mins on a bus - it was very limiting!!
I was really worried about the travel to secondary for both of them but it was fine by then.

Cognacsoft · 04/04/2025 07:52

Another one who says get a magic band. ( That’s what ndn tells her dc).

Beachlovingirl · 04/04/2025 07:54

I am very travel sick on buses even as an adult. All the stopping and starting. Travel sickness tablets are amazing and work very well.

if you’re not going to use travel sickness tablets then I don’t think you should make your child use the bus - that’s a long time every day to feel dreadful. Worth knowing that if I felt travel sick in the morning it doesn’t just go away - I feel queasy all day. He may feel unwell all day and then he’ll resist going to school. I would wait for another house personally.

Bumblebeestiltskin · 04/04/2025 07:57

ArtMonkey · 04/04/2025 07:28

Some trial runs are probably a good idea. He was always fine on a bus and will still happily go into town (about 10 minutes) as long as I've packed a bus snack. He throws a paddy on the way home though so I've kind of given up. I've been too exhausted dealing with the separation and associated problems to pick battles I don't need to!

Show quote history

How do you get around if you don't drive? Is everywhere in walking distance? I also don't drive, so my daughter has just got used to buses and trains everywhere - maybe it's a case of getting him used to it?

Bunnycat101 · 04/04/2025 08:01

Try the specific route to see how busy it is as well. Standing up v sitting down may be the difference between sickness and not. Even as an adult, I get very queasy standing on trains and buses. Tube is generally fine but I’d struggle standing for 20 mins on a bus without feeling sick.

Mistunza · 04/04/2025 08:06

My child's travel sickness was helped a lot by avoiding milk. It was like clockwork - given milk, threw up, given diluted juice, didn't.

It's significant that those whose children are sick on buses are the ones advising against. But that fact he does 10 mins any day already is a good start.

I wonder if you could talk to his teacher and get a special activity or important job set up for him on arrival, to help take his mind off any queasy feelings.

LBFseBrom · 04/04/2025 08:06

SoftandQuiet · 04/04/2025 06:55

God I thought you ment on his own!!

That was what I thought at first glance :-).

Start taking him on bus rides now, op, see how he goes. Most children of your son's age are OK on buses but take a strong carrier big with you in case he does want to vomit. You won't know until you try.

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 04/04/2025 08:07

Yes, 20 mins on the bus is fine in reception, but FFS, his dad won't do drop offs?

Who is enabling all these men to opt out of basic parenting responsibilities!! His dad needs to step up. Getting children to school is what parents do, whether they do it theirselves, or arrange a childminder or breakfast club instead. I wouldn't be buying that stall.

Go for the house, it sounds lovely.

LittleOwl153 · 04/04/2025 08:07

One thing I would say about dad... if he has him overnight and this claims rhat as his parenting time (for cms!) Then he he gets the full 24hr period not to just pick and choose the bits he fancies. If that means dad has to pay after school and breakfast club on his days that's all his problem. Don't end up being dad's default childcare.

Redpeach · 04/04/2025 08:09

And you could cycle sometimes

MyDeftDuck · 04/04/2025 08:09

As children, my siblings and I were always travel sick in the car but public transport was never a problem for us. The journey into town was about 15 to 20 minutes - perhaps you could make a few bus journeys as an experiment before making a decision on the house.

Original poster
ArtMonkey · 04/04/2025 08:09

Bumblebeestiltskin · 04/04/2025 07:57

How do you get around if you don't drive? Is everywhere in walking distance? I also don't drive, so my daughter has just got used to buses and trains everywhere - maybe it's a case of getting him used to it?

Show quote history

He's a super little walker, but to be honest we just live with being restricted. He's always been able to do the bus around the city to get to the castle, museum etc. until recently and he's happy enough going somewhere, it's the way back. I'm not sure school is exciting enough though.

OP posts:
faerietales · 04/04/2025 08:10

The journey is fine but if he gets travel sick you really need to do some trial runs before committing.

I struggle awfully on buses and doing two journeys a day where I felt like vomiting would have been absolutely hellish. I’m 36 now and have never got used to it.

Coffeeishot · 04/04/2025 08:11

SoftandQuiet · 04/04/2025 06:55

God I thought you ment on his own!!

As did I !

Yes op a 4 year old will be able to manage a bus for 20 minutes

StartAnew · 04/04/2025 08:12

As a lifelong travel sickness sufferer I’d be cautious. Try the route out with him a few times to see how he copes. Being able to walk to school has several big advantages for you and DS.