Too many people care more about their inheritance than the wellness of their elderly parents

[northernsunshine]

Inspired by the other thread, I’m saying what I’m saying. Too many people - in particular white British people - care more important their inheritance than their relatives.

So much moaning and sniping about their relatives having to sell their homes to pay for their care - yes, it is a service! Unfortunately under capitalism that is how things work. There are other options, take a leaf out of the books of more kind-hearted cultures where intergeneratinal families live side by side and where the elderly are welcomed into their homes and cared for by relatives. This is free but not easy and somehow incomprehensible to most British people that this would be the thing to do.

I don’t blame us (I’m also white British) I blame capitalism and individualism which promotes us all to be separate from our families, to be obsessed with buying and scrolling and to reject community, be suspicious of our neighbours and to be isolated because we’re more economically productive that way and “they” (business/ the gov/ the man) can wring us for every pound.

The obsession with money ruins families, it makes people greedy.

It was her choice. The family fought it (especially my mom) but she was adamant. She said the days were lonely and although we all visited we still had school, jobs etc.

So she went and it added years to her life. They organising events, trips to London for shows, had various activities (painting, yoga, etc) and had a gym on site.

She also had a great group of girlfriends she made and a “gentleman” friend…..

And was happy until her last few years when her health gave out.

I do get sick of pious, sanctimonious talk about what ‘other cultures’ do. Indian friends (in India) had 2 live in carers for an elderly parent, in her home, not theirs. As they pointed out, such arrangements are infinitely cheaper and easier to arrange there, than they would be in the UK. And added that it was common.

As for poor people who genuinely have no alternative, a dd who was work in rural Cambodia witnessed the arrangement for a grandmother with dementia. She was tied to a chair outside all day, to a) stop her wandering off, and b) to stop her weeing and pooing in the house. She was then hosed down once a day.
This was the reality for poor people with no alternative.

Plus, as pps have pointed out, it’s invariably the women who are expected to do the caring. If a woman needs to work, what then? People with dementia often need 24/7 supervision - someone on hand ALL day, ALL night - how is that supposed to work if two of you need to work??

take a leaf out of the books of more kind-hearted misogynist cultures where intergeneratinal families live side by side and where the elderly are welcomed into their homes and cared for by relatives women. This is free for men, but not for the women whose lives are stolen by providing unpaid care

Fixed it for you.

In intergenerational living there are fit, able body non-working people to provide care, often women. Very few people can afford that in the UK.

My 99 year old gm with alzheimers is being looked after by her daughters. My 70 ye dm who is waiting for her 5th heart surgery and 65 ye aunt who has horrific osteoporosis. Their 60 ye brother who "will fight all the way" to stop his mother going into care visits for 1 hour a week. The 2 daughters do half a week each, 24/7 where gm cannot be left alone for a second. The grandkids cannot help as we all work and have kids.

My GM has already outlived one of her kids, she could EASILY outlive my very ill mother, I am terrified. I would have any penny spent to have her in care to protect my dm. But the "family" don't want her in care. In home services are very few and far between so my dm is literally working herself to death.

Aww that's lovely to hear. Glad she had such a happy time there, and thank you for sharing, as it does give me hope for my own future too!

Well all that caring work will be done by women

@Nameychangington hit the nail on the head and I’m sorry but many of the guys are very greedy guys too and certainly with one eye on the inheritance

They are certainly not all shit! We’ve had experience of several care homes - for FiL (residential then nursing), an aunt (ordinary residential followed by a dementia facility) and my DM (a specialist dementia care home, for several years.)?
All provided very good care, from kind and friendly staff. I might add that none of them was by any means the most expensive.