Nanny

[SallySooo]

My child age 2 was crying so I came to take over and my nanny wouldn’t let me. I said about 3 or 4 times I will give her a cuddle and she wouldn’t look at me and hugged my child and wouldn’t pass her to me. I ended up leaving the room. Is this normal for a nanny? Is it really necessary to be so territorial. I understand she’s doing her job but surely if someone at my work came over to my desk to talk I would look away from my computer and talk to them or let them speak to the client or whatever they were asking to do

This would massively piss me off. I don't think I would have walked away. Definitely have a word with her about boundaries and expectations.

It’s not about being arrogant it’s about being hired to do a job but then someone coming along and taking over from that job therefore undermining you and letting the child in question know that the nanny’s word means nothing and that they can run off to the parent in the house whenever they don’t want to do what the nanny says.

If you hired a cleaner you wouldn’t walk in whilst they’re hoovering and take it off them and do it yourself, you’d leave her to do what you hired them for.

Im not saying you should be zero contact with your child or the nanny whilst you’re home but you need to also have some boundaries if you want the situation to work.

@DaisyChain505 thanks, this is the thing. The job that some employers are hiring for is not necessarily what you want to be doing. The job is to balance mum having some input. If you don’t like that then you don’t like the job but the employer isn’t wrong if the job doesn’t fit what you want

Bear in mind that I’m paying £17 net plus taxes and national insurance and I’m genuinely very polite and careful how I speak to her. I work in the corporate world and have had extensive management training. There are plenty worse employers. @DaisyChain505 in this context is it smart to dig one’s heels in when the employer wants to cuddle the toddler and the nanny can go and handle the other children?

I hear what you’re saying and it definitely works both ways.

If you stated from the outset that you were looking for “mothers help’ rather than sole charge and that you would be around the home a lot etc I can understand your frustration with your current nanny.

@DaisyChain505 if my boss said to me actually let
me handle that Q from the client, I would say to him oh you’ve hired me to do this job and now you’re taking it away from me. The reason I’m challenging you is that I see this attitude from some
Nannies (not all) and I can’t help but think who do you all think you are. You’re not better than the rest of the working world. We are all just working hard paying a salary and if our boss wants to do something we can’t tell them to sod off

*i wouldnt
say to him (fixing my typo)

@DaisyChain505 but what if your employer is rarely home and you like your employer and you like your job. Surely when your employer is there and wants to comfort the child (and 99% of the time doesn’t get involved), you’d say sure no problem understanding that your employer works hard, misses her children, is balancing a lot on her plate and you want her to have a cuddle with her baby as surely it makes your employer feel happy to have you around and have you long term

I guess that’s if the parents are making their own feelings huge in this.

Honestly, most people I know with nannies are more razor focused on what works best for the child.

@Calliopespa thanks, I’m 100% certain that when my toddler goes from mummy to daddy to nanny to mummy to daddy she is fine

Ex nanny here. She’s wrong. Part of her job is to make sure that the child in her care knows who her mother is, and helps preserve that relationship.

No we can’t tell our boss to sod off, but if we feel undermined and like we can’t do our job properly, and we aren’t enjoying the job…… we can quit. And find a job that better suits us.

Despite your claim that Nanny jobs are rarer these days due to more parents working from home, I have never been more in demand as a Nanny. When I interviewed for my last position six months ago I went to eight Nanny interviews within a week, I was offered all eight jobs and could pick and choose the one I liked best. Guess what - it was the one the parents worked mostly in a separate workplace. And reassured me that when they were working from home, they would sometimes pop in and out to see the kids but having had Nannies before they were mindful of making sure not to undermine the Nanny.

It’s fine if you want a more Mother’s Helper role and someone who will step back and let you take over when you walk into the room. But you need to make your expectations very clear when interviewing Nannies. And understand that your position will appeal to younger and less experienced Nannies, rather than someone more qualified and experienced.

It seems like the child was crying because she did not want to do the thing the nanny wanted. I think this was just a misunderstanding. She felt her position was undermined. You were not in a position to fully understand why she was crying. If you had comforted the child she may have thought she did not need to do as nanny wanted. These things happen even between parents. I would let it go.

In that case, this is a one off and you shouldn’t worry about it.

@Rictasmorticia thanks no the toddler was just emotional from a long day (nanny confirmed this)

@Hollietree that’s great that Nannies are in demand. I did make the expectation clear in interview yes (I said I don’t want to feel unwelcome in my own home etc)

@Hollietree agree that Nannies can quit and employers can terminate Nannies. Glad that’s clear !

Honestly is this is something you “see” from several Nannie’s then perhaps you’re the problem.

@Sofiewoo LOL.

@Sofiewoo please learn when to use apostrophes. Nannies are plural.

From this thread it’s pretty obvious you love a power trip. Good luck with that.

It’s very clear that you hate nannies “who do they think they are” and trying to argue with anyone who says they are a Nanny on here. I would suggest you find a nursery instead. Then you can walk around feeling as welcome as you like in your own home.

Some people want a nanny that comes in, takes over the house 9-5, you don't have to worry or intervene at all.

Some want a nanny that is more of a helper, so you're around more, they do only as directed etc.

That's what interviews and job descriptions are for. You seem to have something against nannies which is weird as hell. Don't have one if you don't want to. I love mine. And I love that my child absolutely adored her.

Looking at it from a step back - how often do you and your nanny have proper ‘check in’ type conversations.

The kind of stuff you’d cover in a 1:1 if you were in a corporate setting with manager and employee.

On various ‘in home staff’ type situations the lack of those often seems to be a factor in issues developing. Small things brew rather than get talked about, expectations and perceptions of expectations drift.

In this case it might have been that the nanny thought that you were only offering because you felt you had too, and you’d be frustrated by them taking up your offer. Best intentions all round, but a gap.

It is hard being a nanny and trying to do your job when parents at home as kids do behave diff for them/you and us

obv working in a home is personal and not like an office job but the laptop analogy did describe it right

children do learn Quick, learning from a young age that if nanny says no. They cry. Parents come and investigate and nanny feel undermined esp if the parents ‘take over’

ive said many times covid killed nannying due to pwah much more