Brother’s Wedding Would You Say Something?

[GutsyPeachExpert]

Brother announced that he and SiL were getting married in September. She wasn’t even there when he told my mother. They didn’t have engagement or a big fanfare or anything.

When they have been asked about the wedding he never knows the answer but she is more forthcoming.

Once Dad asked for a lift with something but brother said he wasn’t free as they were looking at venues so that was the only hint we got.

We have now got formal wedding invitations through the post and my two little girls 6 and 4 aren’t invited.

My mother immediately rang him as she thought it was an oversite but it is a child free wedding. My mother said that as SiL doesn’t have nieces she thought my girls would be flower girls and could they make an exception as nobody would question the wedding party being an exception to the child free rule. However, he said they already had two flower girls from SiL’s side. We have never heard her even speak about these children.

I am so upset. I can accept logically the flower girl thing but for them not to be even there!

I don’t want a debate on children at weddings I want to know if I would be unreasonable to speak to my brother about how upset I am and to ask that they be invited.

@MissScarletInTheBallroom those children are part of the wedding party so not just ‘guests’

Dear Brother and Fiancée (who are being discussed at length, behind your backs, on a public forum, miraculously not in the tabloids, yet) —

These options are all available to you, should you wish, with any degree of transparency, from vague excuse (no need to rush, second thoughts) to random lie (stage fright, budget issues) to evident truth (nightmare family):

Uninvite the problematic guests. High fallout, with this family.

Tell just the problem guests that the wedding is off. Quietly proceed with everyone else. (Success depends on how connected the disinvitees are.)

Tell everyone the wedding is off, then re-arrange later with just the people you can trust to celebrate your marriage in the way you wish to.

Cancel the wedding, head to the registry office, party later, as you want to, with whoever you want to.

Elope! On your own, or with a few special guests. Announce afterwards.

Registry office or elope, but tell no-one. It is your cherished secret joy.

I hope you have a lovely life together x

Good luck with this approach!!!! Crash the wedding on the pretext church is open to all???

How ridiculous. It was child free to everyone outside my immediate family. Everyone understood that. No one turned up and thought.....oh well it's not really child free is it because Kate has her family.

We had 250 guests. Had children been invited there would have been 40 kids all under the age of 8yrs old.

So it was child free on the invite.

I had 3 blood related kids there who were bridesmaids/page boy. Thankfully our guests were smart enough to know the difference between their child- some of whom I'd never met and the children who literally share my DNA and who I'd give a kidney too if required.

They could be limited to numbers. We could only have 40 people at our venue, so went child free

Not sure what point you think you're making here.

Three children will be at the wedding, which is taking place in a venue which is apparently unsuitable for children. (The reason given for why the OP's children are not invited.)

Then he should be honest and say we are limited to 40 people and your children aren't in our top 40 (but three other children are).

I think every couple has the right to do what they want on their wedding day.
If they wanted a child free day, then do it. But keep it child free so no arguments like this happen. To not invite your own nieces but have 3 other children there not as close kin, is terribly unkind and hurtful. I would be like you OP, very hurt and my relationship going forward would change with my brother.
They have caused unnecessary drama for their big day.

Wow..

“A couple should be able to do whatever they want on their wedding day… except when they actually do.”

😂😂😂I'm sure he'd be devastated.

You can’t be serious - please tell me I’ve missed the point and this is tongue in cheek?!?

@MissScarletInTheBallroom it could be that the venue will be dreadfully dull for children but 3 ‘lucky’ ones have been chosen to be part of the wedding party. So will have to sit quietly, no space to run around, no child menu, no disco. That was pretty much our wedding venue so not really suitable for children. We went completely child free but others might have gone for children in the bridal party etc.

You brother is going to go no contact over your family's tantrums and I wouldn't blame him if he uninvited you all.

Some people don't have relationships with people - adults or children - just because they share a few relatives. Even if those relatives are parents. There is no law to say we have to like our siblings and their offspring. There is certainly no law to say that those relatives have to be invited to a wedding.

By offering to have your kids outside the church so they can take part in photos is a compromise on his part. He/they don't want random children there, just the few with whom they have a real connection and relationship. Get over it. Because if you don't you and your ridiculously overdramatic family are going to lose your brother.

I was thinking more why pay to be upset when you can get it dished out for free!

But it seems like her brother does have a relationship with her children, which makes it odd.

I think every couple has the right to do what they want on their wedding day.
If they wanted a child free day, then do it. But keep it child free so no arguments like this happen. To not invite your own nieces but have 3 other children there not as close kin, is terribly unkind and hurtful. I would be like you OP, very hurt and my relationship going forward would change with my brother.
They have caused unnecessary drama for their big day.

Again, OP has said that her DB barely spends any time with her kids so these other kids could easily be closer than "kin". OP also doesn't even know the relationship between the bride and the flower girls, except that it is a blood relation and not a niece. It could be her cousins, etc.

If that's the case then they should just make it actually child free. Children aren't props for photos.

Exactly.

Then OPs mum shouldn't be crying over the photos should she?

He sees them if they happen to be at his parents at the same time and sees them because they happen to use the same gym. That is not spending meaningful time together or going out of their way to do it.

🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

They should do as they see fit.

The other children might be leaving as soon as the official part and photos are done aswell.

They might all be older and be better behaved and more photogenic who knows. The bride and groom might see these other children weekly and just prefer them to other children as well.

The real question is how long will the crying last…

She's crying because her grandchildren have been excluded from her son's wedding and the photos without her grandchildren in will remind her of his.

So don't call it "child-free" then.