Leaving 15 week old

[Zoobabies]

We go away every year with a couple of close friends for the weekend however this year I have a 15 week old baby which I will be leaving for the first time overnight with grandparents.

The friends wanted to set off early morning and I requested that we leave two hours later to give me time to sort LG and do handover to grandparents. The room could not be checked till 3 pm and we will be there well before that even leaving at my time.

They refused and stated that they wanted to make a day of it drinking, and if we wanted to leave later to do the three hour drive ourselves and meet them there bearing in mind we have driven the last two years running, am I being unreasonable to be upset and hurt that they think more of an extra couple of hours drinking than us as friends and our LG?

If they had wanted to leave late evening to accommodate their children, even if I didn’t like it, I still would have agreed because their kids mean the world to me and there needs to come first.

Can't you just meet them there? Why do you all need to travel together?

I don’t see the issue really, it’s their weekend too, they aren’t forcing you to go early they are just stating that is their plans and you are welcome to join later, that feels like a good compromise?

I can see it from both parties views however I side with your friends. I’m sure this weekend wasn’t cheap and they want to make the most of their time and not be hanging around waiting for you to do something that you could do a few hours earlier.

If you’re really set on doing hand over later on that’s your choice and you should just drive down yourself. Just because you have a baby doesn’t mean you get to dictate the rules.

You saying the room can’t be checked in until 3pm isn’t really a point to argue. You’re not going away just to sit in your room. You’ll be spending time together, exploring the hotel, surroundings and being social before you check into the room.

Them wanting to make the most of their weekend away and get there at a decent time isn’t being selfish or not thinking of your child. Gently, you need to realise that the world doesn’t start revolving around you just because you’ve had a baby. They’ve left you with the choice to do what suits you best, you can’t hold that against them.

Why not do the handover to the GP the night before?

And they aren’t unreasonable to suggest travelling separately, if this will allow you to do what you want.

Just meet them there, they won’t to get away early, you don’t it’s fine.

I think when you've got young DC it is better to travel separately, especially the first time leaving DC. Then if there is any kind of emergency and you need to be back, you aren't reliant on or ruining the trip for others.

am I being unreasonable to be upset and hurt that they think more of an extra couple of hours drinking than us as friends and our LG?

Well, yes, actually. They want to be spending the weekend with you. They’ve suggested a compromise.

Is this more about being worried about leaving your baby behind? Which is quite understandable! But don’t let that impact on enjoying some time away with your friends.

Your friends are right not to wait

Equally your baby is sub 4months - I couldn’t have left my DD at that point. Is that the real issue?!

This is the point I was just about to make.

At 15w PP, you probably don't have the stamina for all day drinking too!

I’d just arrive later. 15 weeks PP you aren’t going to want to drink all day. They should be allowed to if that’s what they want. You’ll still get the same amount of time together. They aren’t expecting you to drive them this year. How you got there in previous years isn’t relevant. They’re sorting themselves out.

Are you really this upset that you won’t be doing the drive in the same car?

Agree with this. You don’t want to be reliant on somebody else having to drive you back, or being the designated driver for other people.

It’s no biggie. It’s much easier to travel separately. They want to set off early and beat the rush. You can now take as long as you need to settle the baby in with grandparents without having to worry, if she becomes fussy and the two hours turns into four, that you’re holding up your friends.

I don’t think the world revolves around my child, I’m well aware only my world revolves around my child. My issue was we’ve always driven together and for the last two years we have worked around their childcare timings so that we could all travel together (us driving) and I just kind of expected it would be returned.

But they’ve offered you a solution! One which will work for you and them.

You really are making more out of this than you need to.

Thank you for your comment, however my drinking whether I am or not has nothing to do with the post.

Older children are different. There’s no way I’d tie myself to travelling with a couple with a new baby taking their first weekend trip away. The likelihood of it not going as smoothly as planned, and the baby causing extra delays to set-off, or not settling with GPs and causing a need to cut the holiday short for everyone because we all travelled in the same car, is too high.

Thanks for your message. I’m not making anything more than it is. I simply just ask for an opinion. 🤷🏼‍♀️

What difference does it really make if you don’t car share? Surely there could be many reasons either of you might decide on any occasion to make your own way and enjoy the time together when you arrive?

There isn’t really that much extra socialising can happen between the front and back seats on a few hours car ride.

Thank you for that view. 😊

It's pretty shitty of them to accept a lift that presumably worked for them time wise for 2 years and then not cut you 2 hours of slack. I'd never so that to a friend.

They are being a bit self centred, but I would travel separately.

I would want to be able to leave at a moment's notice to get back to a 16 week old being left for the first time, with no pressure or consideration from anyone else.

On such a short trip with a long drive you do kind of want to make the most of every hour possible - it was kind of you to have accommodated them in the past, but it was your choice.

Personally I wouldn't be doing the trip this year, but that's me.

Just do the handover the night before surely? I’m not sure what difference it would make telling grandparents the information at 7pm the night before vs 7am the morning of? I would understand needing to leave late for some sort of immovable thing, like a club for the children - but just to pass on information doesn’t make sense.

I don't think Yabu in making your own choice to drop off dd at a better tine for you but I don't think that your friends are being unreasonable either for wanting to meet you there. I wouldn't want friends whose main aim was to drink all day anyway , sounds pretty boring, but that's just me and you didn't ask about that so...

Personally I would always travel separately anyway in case I needed to get back for a young child.
I think their compromise is reasonable.

Two hours later plus three hours travelling would mean missing most of the morning if not midafternoon. If only going for a weekend it dies eat into the time. They are not being mean or unreasonable. But now that you are annoyed about it , is it going to be any fun anyway ? Seems a shame if you previously enjoyed their company.

This is also an excellent point. Perhaps they feel it would be best all round to have their own car in case you want to rush back. At 15 weeks you just never know and they might want the assurance they can be on their own schedule.