Page 3 | Leaving 15 week old

Zoobabies · 2025-04-02T09:57:23+00:00

We go away every year with a couple of close friends for the weekend however this year I have a 15 week old baby which I will be leaving for the first time overnight with grandparents. The friends wanted to set off early morning and I requested that we leave two hours later to give me time to sort LG and do handover to grandparents. The room could not be checked till 3 pm and we will be there well before that even leaving at my time. They refused and stated that they wanted to make a day of it drinking, and if we wanted to leave later to do the three hour drive ourselves and meet them there bearing in mind we have driven the last two years running, am I being unreasonable to be upset and hurt that they think more of an extra couple of hours drinking than us as friends and our LG? If they had wanted to leave late evening to accommodate their children, even if I didn’t like it, I still would have agreed because their kids mean the world to me and there needs to come first.

JudgeJ · 04/05/2025 22:06

OneDenimQuoter · 04/05/2025 15:10

I think it's unreasonable to leave a 15 week old baby alone so you can go boozing. Your friends want a piss up, it's not their child. Why can't you go by yourself

The baby's not being dumped in front of the TV watching Peppa Pig for the night, his/her grandparents will be taking care and possibly spoiling him/her with lots of loving hugs.

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 04/05/2025 22:08

I would run a mile from friends that want to spend an entire day drinking.
You need better friends.

Focusevaporation · 04/05/2025 23:42

Zoobabies · 04/05/2025 21:56

Then I feel sad for you that you don’t have anybody you can trust enough or feel confident in leaving a nearly 4 month old baby with.

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See this is exactly what I mean OP.

To quote you
'Let’s hope the next person you comment something like that too isn’t a mother struggling with postnatal depression or a very young mum struggling that takes it to heart and does something stupid!'

There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to be with your newborn!

Chick981 · 05/05/2025 00:11

YABU OP. Both in wanting to cut short your friends trip by a couple of hours, but different if it was a week away but if it’s just one night then a couple of hours makes a big difference.

But also YABU to judge others for not wanting to leave their babies. I could never have left either of mine at four months. I don’t judge you for doing what is right for you and your baby. But please don’t judge people for not wanting to leave their 2.5 year olds for a night, that is normal and healthy (as is being happy to leave them at 15 weeks). You’re not a better mum just because you’re happy to leave your baby for a night, and neither is someone a better mum is they won’t leave them. Your comment to a PP about needing to get out more is cruel and unnecessary.

Chungai · 05/05/2025 00:15

CarrieOnComplaining · 02/04/2025 11:17

They are being a bit self centred, but I would travel separately.

I would want to be able to leave at a moment's notice to get back to a 16 week old being left for the first time, with no pressure or consideration from anyone else.

On such a short trip with a long drive you do kind of want to make the most of every hour possible - it was kind of you to have accommodated them in the past, but it was your choice.

Personally I wouldn't be doing the trip this year, but that's me.

Can't say it better than this.

I would have absolutely hated leaving my children overnight at that age and would have really struggled to relax, but then I was breastfeeding and didn't have GPs locally to help.

Chungai · 05/05/2025 00:17

Soonenough · 04/05/2025 20:39

Only on MN and perhaps Western culture is it considered some dereliction of duty to be briefly separated from your child . Baby is not an infant and will be with loving family . Many people wouldn't even think twice about it . Guilt shaming mothers is alive and well.

15 weeks is an infant...?!

Gustavo77 · 05/05/2025 00:17

Why on earth are you leaving a 15 week old baby?!! You have a child and that child is your number 1 priority for the rest of your life, not some selfish irresponsible jolly with your mates! Jeesh 😤

Raindropsandroses123 · 05/05/2025 00:22

Gustavo77 · 05/05/2025 00:17

Why on earth are you leaving a 15 week old baby?!! You have a child and that child is your number 1 priority for the rest of your life, not some selfish irresponsible jolly with your mates! Jeesh 😤

Agree. Why bother going? Will you really be able to relax without your baby? Why can’t rhe baby go along with you?

Gustavo77 · 05/05/2025 00:23

Zoobabies · 04/05/2025 21:56

Then I feel sad for you that you don’t have anybody you can trust enough or feel confident in leaving a nearly 4 month old baby with.

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That's really messed up. I don't know anyone who would want to leave their baby with someone else. My kids are almost grown and I never left them with anyone I've, ever. They know that they are and always will be my priority.

theescapeladder · 05/05/2025 00:33

Gustavo77 · 05/05/2025 00:17

Why on earth are you leaving a 15 week old baby?!! You have a child and that child is your number 1 priority for the rest of your life, not some selfish irresponsible jolly with your mates! Jeesh 😤

Exactly. Yuck, it's so grossly ignorant and selfish.

Babies at this age still need their mother close to regulate. Doesn't Safe Sleep advice state that baby should sleep in the same room as his mother for the first 6 months of their life?

Raindropsandroses123 · 05/05/2025 00:45

theescapeladder · 05/05/2025 00:33

Exactly. Yuck, it's so grossly ignorant and selfish.

Babies at this age still need their mother close to regulate. Doesn't Safe Sleep advice state that baby should sleep in the same room as his mother for the first 6 months of their life?

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@Zoobabies i think you are the minority of mums here- I don’t think you would find many mums leaving a 4 month old, even with grandparents. I’ve got a’ 8 month old and have never left him yet but then again I am BF (clearly you are not). @summerscomingsoon totally agree with you. My eldest is 4 yo and the only time I have left him overnight was when I went to hospital to have my other 2 babies.

BobbyBiscuits · 05/05/2025 01:50

I'm another one who doesn't see the issue in meeting them there. I can see that it's probably quite emotional leaving your baby with others for the first time, so just do what you need to do. But it doesn't need to affect your friends preference for a few hours of drinking.
It would be a shame for the trip to get off to a bad start so just both groups arrive at the time that they prefer. It needn't be a bone of contention.

NannyPlum7 · 05/05/2025 02:01

15 weeks…I was still a physical and emotional wreck at 15 weeks the first time round. I’m kind of impressed.

I’m all for mums getting out and being themselves and not being completely subsumed by motherhood. It was one of the reasons I formula fed, for example. But 15 weeks is really really little and I wouldn’t have left them at that stage. To be honest we were still very much in our “bubble” at that point and no part of me would have wanted to go away for a night. An hour or two for dinner, maybe, but not a full night.

Soonenough · 05/05/2025 05:11

@CHUNGAI At nearly 4 months old don't think many consider it to still be an infant . Usually refers to less than 1 month . And perfectly viable to be in the loving care of people other than the mother. Hardly being abandoned . Such a shame that on a so called pro woman site , a mother is being vilified for taking some time out. Back in the Dark Ages.

Tbrh · 05/05/2025 05:25

I get why you're upset OP, but I'm with your friends. It's probably better to go separately anyway as then you can go at your own pace (ams also leave earlier if you want too)

Boreded · 05/05/2025 05:40

Zoobabies · 04/05/2025 20:49

And the difference between day and night leaving?

Again, aggression in the comment……

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its because you are being a dick and intentionally goading the poster.

you sound like a child and I’m not surprised the friends are wanting to go without you. They’re probably hoping you will decide not to bother as it is too much effort

Flashflash1002 · 05/05/2025 05:40

@Zoobabies I've been reading your replies and comments and honestly you don't seem very pleasant with your snipes at the mothers who choose not to leave their babies. My child is 19 months old and the only times I've left him overnight is when I've had hospital overnight shifts - but dad would always be there. And it's not just about "not having people you trust to look after your baby" (such a horrible comment) - what's so wrong about people to simply want to be with their babies - especially such little babies who very much totally depends on their mothers!

But I digress, just drive yourselves, why is that so hard if you've done it before anyway. I read that you've waited for your friends before because of childcare, but were the circumstances the same? As it seems like your delay isn't necessary - surely you prepare everything before that very
morning?

IButtleSir · 05/05/2025 07:55

@Zoobabies
Don't be so disingenuous- saying someone "needs to get out more" is absolutely a criticism, and a bloody rude one at that. This:
To not to leave/be without the child for nearly 3 years, what happens to the child when you suddenly have to start leaving for hours a day when it goes to school, etc
further heaps on the criticism.

However, that said I did not personally attack this person or call her a bad mother or call her parenting inappropriate which is uncalled for in any circumstances, that is what we teach children is bullying- but apparently you all think it is acceptable because its on an internet post.
Of the 25 or so posts you had up to this point, you had two posts being mildly critical of you for leaving a 15 week old baby, and one person saying you were a bad mother- that is hardly 'you all'.

IButtleSir · 05/05/2025 07:57

Soonenough · 04/05/2025 20:39

Only on MN and perhaps Western culture is it considered some dereliction of duty to be briefly separated from your child . Baby is not an infant and will be with loving family . Many people wouldn't even think twice about it . Guilt shaming mothers is alive and well.

An infant is any child under the age of one, so this baby is very much an infant.

IButtleSir · 05/05/2025 08:00

Zoobabies · 04/05/2025 21:56

Then I feel sad for you that you don’t have anybody you can trust enough or feel confident in leaving a nearly 4 month old baby with.

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Or maybe she just didn't want to be separated from her 15 week old baby? Again, if it's okay for you and your partner to leave yours, it should equally be okay for people to not want to leave theirs.

Wishingplenty · 05/05/2025 08:02

You shouldn't be going anywhere with such a young baby. Your priorities are all wrong.

IButtleSir · 05/05/2025 08:05

Soonenough · 05/05/2025 05:11

@CHUNGAI At nearly 4 months old don't think many consider it to still be an infant . Usually refers to less than 1 month . And perfectly viable to be in the loving care of people other than the mother. Hardly being abandoned . Such a shame that on a so called pro woman site , a mother is being vilified for taking some time out. Back in the Dark Ages.

At nearly 4 months old don't think many consider it to still be an infant . Usually refers to less than 1 month .

You have entirely made that up.

You have also made up that people are judging the OP because she's a woman. It's because she's a parent. I'm sure they would also be judging a dad who left his 15 week old baby.

SunshineAndFizz · 05/05/2025 08:10

Zoobabies · 04/05/2025 21:56

Then I feel sad for you that you don’t have anybody you can trust enough or feel confident in leaving a nearly 4 month old baby with.

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Wow the lack of empathy here is shocking.

All mums are different and have different experiences. If you’re happy to leave the baby that’s absolutely fine and good for you - but for many mums they wouldn’t feel comfortable. They may have struggles you can’t imagine.

To not understand that is bordering narcissism and explains why you think your friends should revolve around you.

Weefreetiffany · 05/05/2025 08:11

OP has big main character energy and the friends aren't doing it her way so shes annoyed. I was sympathetic until she started being catty to people who want to prioritise their children more than she does. Enjoy your weekend away OP. Imagine how glad your baby will be when you finally return!

Icantstandupforlyingdown · 05/05/2025 08:29

Zoobabies · 04/05/2025 19:25

Yep bad mother!!

With people like you commenting on posts, there’s no wonder there is so much self hate around women, calling someone a bad mother and saying it’s inappropriate to leave a child when you have no clue about their life!

Luckily, I’m a grown woman who realises I can have a baby and still be an actual person myself and will take no notice of your nonsense putdowns. My daughter is very privileged, loved and cared for, will have a fantastic future and we also have a great support network around us.

Let’s hope the next person you comment something like that too isn’t a mother struggling with postnatal depression that maybe needs a break or a very young mum struggling that takes it to heart and does something stupid!

I hope your child grows up to learn that if you have nothing nice to say don’t say it at all. 🙄

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I don't think you need to worry that a young mother will kill herself because someone on the internet said that someone else shouldn't leave their 14 week old baby to go away for a boozy weekend with friends, but shows how hard life can for empaths like you.

You seem resentful that you went by the ttimetable that suited your friends in pervious years re babysitters. You didn't have to do this, you could left at a time that suited you and met them there. Obviously this is a problem caused by you being a better friend than them.