Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend has asked to borrow money but I’m not sure

382 replies

sunrisesunshine · 02/04/2025 10:57

Good morning

My close friend has asked to borrow money from me and I’m struggling to make a decision.

The money is for a car repair, roughly 2k. Maybe a bit more. The car has failed the MOT and requires this work before the mechanic can pass it. My friend and her partner both have poor credit scores due to previous debt and they’re unable to use a credit card to cover the cost. They can’t afford to sell the car and buy another one and they also don’t have any savings. I have around 5k.

There’s a few reasons why I don’t think it’s a good idea:

  1. I’m single and bought my first house last year. My savings are there to cover any emergencies, if I lose my job or something in the house needs fixing. I don’t have a partner or any family to support me financially if something goes wrong.
  2. Her partner received a large pay out from his previous employer last year (around 22k) which they used to live off instead of working. I think it was careless to not save any money.
  3. I have no way of enforcing them to pay if they decide not to… right?!

I know it will be an awkward conversation if I say no though. I feel like they’ve put me in a crappy situation.

OP posts:
ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 02/04/2025 12:10

So a couple who’ve blown £22k by being too lazy to work want to borrow £2k off a single woman paying their own way?! Tell them to fuck off. Seriously. Why are you even friends with these people?

GasPanic · 02/04/2025 12:10

So if they are not interested in prioritvising money for emergency savings what makes you think they will prioritise getting the money back to you ?

The fact they have poor credit scores tells you everything and the agencies have done your work for you.

Their priority is going to be their family not getting you the money back.

Hard no here. Really don't do it, and far better to ask the hive mind for convincing excuses than whether you should lend or not.

Cannaeberught · 02/04/2025 12:10

My BFF of 40 years asked for money and I said sorry can’t help. Because she has been gifted and lent money her whole life from family, and never paid a penny back.
I’m not going to give her money from my savings because she’s shit with money. I have worked for every £ I have, whereas she’s been given - literally a house, a car, holidays etc- good for her and I know my family would have been the same if they could have been.

SpiraliserSardinePasta · 02/04/2025 12:12

Thank goodness you posted here before handing over the cash OP. Your friend and her DP are feckless chancers - they chose not to work and blow cash on holidays!! You keep and enjoy your hard earned money.

Matronic6 · 02/04/2025 12:12

They are clearly irresponsible and reckless with money. You'd be a fool to lend them it.

1dontunderstand · 02/04/2025 12:13

As they don't know how much you have in savings, you could say that £2k is most of it and you can't afford to loan it to anyone

WoodyOwl · 02/04/2025 12:15

Only lend money that you can afford to lose. You can't afford to lose £2k. Don't lend it.

Peachy2005 · 02/04/2025 12:16

One boiler failure or roof replacement would wipe out your savings @sunrisesunshine - that’s why it’s an emergency fund. Your friends had the opportunity to create their own emergency fund but blew it on holidays. Absolutely crazy to loan them any money, just tell them you can’t afford it: you don’t owe them any explanations but if they argue with you saying that, they are CFs of the highest order, imo xx

Shade17 · 02/04/2025 12:16

The only thing you should give them is the advice to get a second opinion on their car.

RossGellersCat · 02/04/2025 12:18

I think your gut sounds reasonable here. They don't sound like they have a good track record with money management. I'd only even contemplate lending them the money if you'd be accepting if they didn't repay it. (Which let's face it, 99.9% of people wouldn't be). You don't need to justify why you can't lend them the money, just explain you're sorry their car needs work but you're unable to help them.

DancingOctopus · 02/04/2025 12:19

Years ago my wise mother advised me never to lend money that you can't afford to give as a gift.

Theoldbird · 02/04/2025 12:20

Apparently they need the car for his new job and to ferry the kids to and from school, activities etc

None of that is your responsibility. Maybe if they are forced to take responsibility for their own lives they will actually step up. so you NOT bailing them out is good for them! keep telling yourself that. It's good for them. It's almost a selfless act to say NO to them!

Please say you won't be lending them the money..??

And if they ever ask again, tell them you have 'barely a few hundred quid' in the saving pot. Because they might well think you have much more than you do. You shouldn't have to lie, but sometimes we like to hang onto friendships so 🤷

AnonymousBleep · 02/04/2025 12:21

No.

ZebedeeDougalFlorence · 02/04/2025 12:22

Try not to judge them for their own behaviour with money. We all struggle from time to time. But...do not loan them the money.

Remember the wisdom of Shakespeare "Neither a lender or a borrower be" (or something like that. Whatever, it is very wise advice. Never lend money.

Strictlymad · 02/04/2025 12:23

Never lend money you can’t afford to lose.

you don’t have much in savings, but even if you did you aren’t obligated to lend anyone anything, as you say they have burnt through a payout rather than being sensible with it so I doubt you’d see the money

StElse · 02/04/2025 12:23

It's obviously a 'no' isn't it

longtompot · 02/04/2025 12:23

Only lend money if you can afford to say goodbye to it. It sounds like you aren't in that position.

Bamboozledbylife · 02/04/2025 12:24

No. £5k isn't really much to rely on if something crops upin your life. You have to put your self first. Don't go in to detail, just say I'm really sorry but I don't have that kind of money to spare right now.

Bumcake · 02/04/2025 12:25

Don’t even entertain the idea.

whynotwhatknot · 02/04/2025 12:26

absolutely not you only ave 5k-they chose to squander their savings you'll never see it again

Spacehop · 02/04/2025 12:27

The only person I've lent money too was my cleaner who I'd known for years. She paid me back the next month. The reason I did this is because:

She's got a long history of working hard;
She's very responsible with money;
She didn't ask to borrow it (she did talk about her cash flow issue but didn't guilt trip me or show any entitlement to my money).

Your friends have failed all three tests. There is a very strong chance they won't repay you. If you refuse them the money they may fall out with you but if they don't pay you back you'll definitely lose your friendship AND your money.

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 02/04/2025 12:27

Decline the request

SuspiciousChipmunk · 02/04/2025 12:27

My friend and her partner both have poor credit scores due to previous debt

Your answer is there. If their own bank refuses to lend them money for essential car work - that’s your sign not to either!

skyeisthelimit · 02/04/2025 12:28

Absolutely no way would I lend this money. They have proved they aren't good with money as they blew the lot rather than put some aside.

You aren't responsible for their life style choices and they chose to live off it rather than work.

If they say " a friend wouldn't say no" then reply with " a friend wouldn't ask".

If you lend them any money you will never see it again. They will always have some sob story why they can't pay you that month, birthday, illness, Christmas etc and you will get more and more resentful and the friendship will be over anyway.

You need to be firm and do not engage in any discussion over it. No reason needed.

Doolallies · 02/04/2025 12:28

NO