Friend has asked to borrow money but I’m not sure

[sunrisesunshine]

Good morning

My close friend has asked to borrow money from me and I’m struggling to make a decision.

The money is for a car repair, roughly 2k. Maybe a bit more. The car has failed the MOT and requires this work before the mechanic can pass it. My friend and her partner both have poor credit scores due to previous debt and they’re unable to use a credit card to cover the cost. They can’t afford to sell the car and buy another one and they also don’t have any savings. I have around 5k.

There’s a few reasons why I don’t think it’s a good idea:

1. I’m single and bought my first house last year. My savings are there to cover any emergencies, if I lose my job or something in the house needs fixing. I don’t have a partner or any family to support me financially if something goes wrong.
2. Her partner received a large pay out from his previous employer last year (around 22k) which they used to live off instead of working. I think it was careless to not save any money.
3. I have no way of enforcing them to pay if they decide not to… right?!

I know it will be an awkward conversation if I say no though. I feel like they’ve put me in a crappy situation.

No no no no no.

They are financially irresponsible. They lack boundaries - asking for a loan is a red flag. They are manipulative - making it difficult for you to say no.

"Sorry, that's not a runner for me at all. I also feel awkward being put in the position of having to say no. I hope you find a solution. "

Say no, but have an ironclad excuse as to why. E.g. the money is either gone, on a bill of yours, or needed to pay a bill.

It may well end your friendship, but you aren't the one ending it. She is, for asking.

Bloody hell. There is no way in the world this should be awkward for you. I bet it hasn't crossed their minds that it should be awkward for them.

What a pair of chancers . Four kids to raise and they just spunked 22k because they didn't want to work for a while. Words fail me.

Say no. Lie if that's easier (you shouldn't have to though) and say it's all spent/ accounted for and you can't lend any. If they huff and withdraw their friendship, good riddance. It's better than never seeing your hard earned savings again, and I bet you wouldn't!

A neighbour put me in this position, begging and pleading for a loan of 5k. I said no and was annoyed she had asked. I lent her a much smaller amount because she was being such a nuisance but I then had to get really angry with her because she thought she didn't need to pay it back as it "wasn't a lot". She did pay it back and had the cheek to say I'd humuliated her by being angry. We never spoke again, it ruined the neighbourly relationship. Then 6 months later they did a moonlight flit and I discovered they had borrowed much larger sums from other neighbours who never got repaid. Even the 100 I had lent had been repaid from funds begged from someone else. Please don't trust them. Even if they are lovely in other ways, never lend money to people who are shit with money unless you are prepared to never see it again.

If banks don’t want to give them credit, you sure as hell don’t!

Big fat No!

If you want to avoid the awkwardness, then lie about how accesable your savings are. Tell them your savings are tied up in a fixed term account. Or a LISA. You can't access the money. So sad

And don't talk about your money with anyone in the future

It would be a no from me too. They may have the best of intentions to pay you back but they've made rash decisions when they do have money, and have a poor credit history. Unless you can afford to give it away do not do it. It will sour your friendship. Don't let them pressure you, don't go into explanations or how much you have etc. None of their business. Just a simple - I can't do that I'm afraid. On repeat.

Don’t do it OP! You will never seen a penny paid back.

But it just so happens your money is tied up for a year in a special interest account isn’t it ……..

Nope. Definitely not. If you lost your job, not having those savings could mean you loose your house.
If they get funny, then they're not a good friend anyway.

What did you say when she asked you?

If you leant nearly half your savings to someone who spends irresponsibly, you would likely end up with no friend, no repayment, and an expensive house repair you couldn't pay for.

They can get a bank loan. You aren't a bank. You don't have much and you need to add to it, not throw away money on pushy irresponsible people.

No! No! No! And No! Under no circumstances would I even be considering lending the money. There is only a very slim chance that you'll ever see the money again, don't risk it.

Definitely not. They are now reaping the consequences of not saving at least some of the £22k they got. Perhaps they’ll learn for future.
But for now, it doesn’t sound as though they’ll be able to pay you back, or it’ll at least take them a very long time to do so.

Just say no, you can’t afford to.

Not your problem. With 4 children they should have been more responsible with the 22k and not wasted it away. Their situation to fix.

You should never lend money you can’t afford to lose.

Say no, sorry, I don’t have it.

No!! Consider it like this, the bank/credit card etc won’t take a risk on them due to their poor credit. Why should you take on that risk? I’m currently owed nearly £600 because I made that mistake with a family member and won’t make that mistake again. I know I won’t see my money again and you almost certainly won’t see yours again if you hand it over.

As yourself OP, are you richer than the commercial lenders who turned these paragons of money management away and won't let them have one of their credit cards? As you only have £5000 in savings (which isn't enough to bar you from getting Universal Credit, because even the government accepts that we all need a rainy day fund) the answer is no, you are not richer than Morgan Stanley etc. Don't let them get their hands on your precious nest egg. Many years ago, I was a money advice worker and loans from/to family and friends were a regular bug-bear, not least because they could put lenders in hock. If they had a crisis while their savings were elsewhere, it quickly became a disaster. You shouldn't be in that situation for people who almost certainly won't be reliable about repaying.

'I'm sorry, I don't have that available to lend you'

End of discussion.

no - you cannot afford it

thats all you need to say

Did they blow some of the 22k on insanely expensive cutlery?
More seriously, I have to add to the chorus of NOs.
If I could afford it and I loved the skint friends in question, I would give them the money. (and say it was not to be referred to again. No eternal gratitude needed ).
During our younger days we had friends who through no fault of their own, struggled massively over money. They never once asked for anything - it would have been entirely out of character. We helped out where we could, treats, meals, kids' clothes, and were very happy to do inexpensive things when we were out with them or visited.
We are still the best and closest of friends, and they're doing fine these days.

Don't, it's a sure fire way to lose a friendship.

Should you decide to loan the friend money, put everything, particularly the fact it's a loan to be repaid (and in what time frame) in writing, get it signed and witnessed. In this instance, be prepared for the friend to try to change the narrative, refuse to repay for five years, have to be taken to court/threatened with bankruptcy in order to get the money back.

Ultimately, you are not responsible for your friend's finances.

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Change that to: You will never see it

NO.

Say no!! You won't get that money back and what happens if you suddenly need money for something urgently and then your savings account is down 2k! Tell them you also can't afford it right now.

No way, they should be asking family to help. If you do this you won’t see it again.