Page 30 | Called the police

Dawnb19 · 04/04/2025 21:58

godmum56 · 04/04/2025 21:01

But the had a right to refuse contact. Did your grandfather not ever consider that?

Show quote history

Yes he did, he never went back or talked about them again. It would have been nice for him to find out why his mother kept them and not him. It's just sad. I think he always wondered why he wasn't good enough. His mother had children before and after him. I can't imagine not knowing where I'm from.

Reading OPs replies she obviously is going through a lot. But once they read her letter and her husband explained they should have left. I didn't see her replies until just now. My phone wouldn't load.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 04/04/2025 22:01

Most people wouldn't have refused to say anything, and rang their partners and the police. Maybe her husband could email them and explain.

They aren't owed an explanation though. I would be very pissed of if DH took it upon himself to explain something about me, it's not his place.

godmum56 · 04/04/2025 22:58

Dawnb19 · 04/04/2025 21:58

Yes he did, he never went back or talked about them again. It would have been nice for him to find out why his mother kept them and not him. It's just sad. I think he always wondered why he wasn't good enough. His mother had children before and after him. I can't imagine not knowing where I'm from.

Reading OPs replies she obviously is going through a lot. But once they read her letter and her husband explained they should have left. I didn't see her replies until just now. My phone wouldn't load.

Edited

Show quote history

I get it, I really do. My Dad was much the youngest of the family and he was raised by his widowed dad. When his Dad died his 4 adult sisters put him in an orphanage.

BBT213 · 04/04/2025 23:52

Oh @godmum56 your poor Dad, that is heartbreaking! How could someone do that to their little brother. Did he ever forgive them/ have contact when he was older?

godmum56 · 05/04/2025 00:20

BBT213 · 04/04/2025 23:52

Oh @godmum56 your poor Dad, that is heartbreaking! How could someone do that to their little brother. Did he ever forgive them/ have contact when he was older?

No, never to my knowledge.

MerryTaupeTurtle · 05/04/2025 02:53

Do the people saying "why didn't you just say you don't want to talk?" not understand trauma or what may very well be PTSD. If I knock on someone's door and they shut it in my face, that's a pretty clear message they don't want to talk to me!

Gherkinslice · 05/04/2025 08:07

Highfivemum · 02/04/2025 10:41

Had a person contact me previously stating that we shared the same parent. It could be true as had a very difficult and complicated childhood and one which I don’t want to remember. My DB and I chose to ignore it. Two days ago had a visit from a person stating they were related. I shut the door in their face. It was a huge shock and triggered every bad memory though I understand I should have acted better. Yesterday the door went again and it was a different person who also stated they were family and could they talk. I again shut the door. DH was going to stay at home today but had a meeting he had to go to and as soon as DH left for work the door goes again and it is both of them. I shut the door again and I called the police. I know it is not a police issue but I literally am sitting here shaking. DH is on his way home and DB can’t be contacted as away on business. I feel crazy for calling the police and no idea what they will say to me but I was so worried and panicked. Anyone know what can be done. ? I don’t want to know these people
and have no idea how they have traced me and found out my address. It is a mess and I feel ill with worry.

I'd be intrigued by how they know where you live, and if you're not on any DNA sites why they think that you are related. Is it possible they think you are someone else? Could you ask them who they think you are? It could be a huge mistake. I get you had a difficult childhood, and are entitled to say you don't want anything to do with them if you are related. But the not knowing if this is mistaken identity due to these facts would be as stressful to me as wondering if they were going to show up again. The police won't be able to do anything, as they cannot even approach them for you, as you don't know who they are. It's all really odd. Have you recently moved there? Could you move again easily? I would not invite them inside, I would stress that however!

bakebeans · 05/04/2025 08:14

They obviously panicked you and should definitely not be turning up at your door. Have you not received any letters?
It may be important that they speak to you though so I wouldnt dispose of any letters they send you. One example is that there could be medical conditions within the family genetics that they have a duty to inform you about.

Original poster

Highfivemum · 05/04/2025 11:06

Thanks for ur response. Still really upset about everything and my DB who arrived back feels exactly the same. I cannot go into more detail but a letter was received this morning and it is duly filed in the bin. DH did read it although he knows my feelings and has not said anything to me or my DB as me as to the contents of it. Yes some say I am burying my head but it literally is our only way to deal with it. We will see our Solictor into how they found us.

OP posts:

CommonAsMucklowe · 05/04/2025 11:08

Goodness, what a bizarre over reaction.

Dearg · 05/04/2025 11:15

CommonAsMucklowe · 05/04/2025 11:08

Goodness, what a bizarre over reaction.

Goodness how lacking in empathy are you?

Fingernailbiter · 05/04/2025 11:18

Highfivemum · 05/04/2025 11:06

Thanks for ur response. Still really upset about everything and my DB who arrived back feels exactly the same. I cannot go into more detail but a letter was received this morning and it is duly filed in the bin. DH did read it although he knows my feelings and has not said anything to me or my DB as me as to the contents of it. Yes some say I am burying my head but it literally is our only way to deal with it. We will see our Solictor into how they found us.

Wouldn't it be better for you and your brother to write a joint letter, signed by you both, in reply, just saying you refuse to read their letter (other than their address), want absolutely nothing to do with them, will not meet or speak to them or read any further letters, and will regard any future attempt at contact as harassment.

But tbh I would have to read the letter so I at least knew what they wanted to say. Maybe check with your DH first whether he thinks it’s got anything in it that might upset you.

I don’t see how seeing a solicitor will help. It’s not illegal to try to contact someone.

Original poster

Highfivemum · 05/04/2025 11:23

Fingernailbiter · 05/04/2025 11:18

Wouldn't it be better for you and your brother to write a joint letter, signed by you both, in reply, just saying you refuse to read their letter (other than their address), want absolutely nothing to do with them, will not meet or speak to them or read any further letters, and will regard any future attempt at contact as harassment.

But tbh I would have to read the letter so I at least knew what they wanted to say. Maybe check with your DH first whether he thinks it’s got anything in it that might upset you.

I don’t see how seeing a solicitor will help. It’s not illegal to try to contact someone.

Edited

Show quote history

My DH knows all my history as we met when in primary school. He knows what has happened along the years and how my DB had to survive and the costs involved in that. I trust him with my life and the mere fact he is not saying anything tells me there is no good in the letter . As I said it is very complicated and complex and not ur average long lost family programme.

OP posts:

Original poster

Highfivemum · 05/04/2025 11:24

Highfivemum · 05/04/2025 11:23

My DH knows all my history as we met when in primary school. He knows what has happened along the years and how my DB had to survive and the costs involved in that. I trust him with my life and the mere fact he is not saying anything tells me there is no good in the letter . As I said it is very complicated and complex and not ur average long lost family programme.

Show quote history

And yes we do need a Solictor

OP posts:

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 05/04/2025 11:27

Highfivemum · 05/04/2025 11:24

And yes we do need a Solictor

Show quote history

How do you know?
You haven't engaged with these people and you haven't read their letter.

Fingernailbiter · 05/04/2025 11:27

Highfivemum · 05/04/2025 11:24

And yes we do need a Solictor

Show quote history

Fair enough, perhaps you need a "cease and desist" letter on the grounds of harassment.

Letmecallyouback · 05/04/2025 11:34

It's hard to understand the determination and persistence at wanting to talk to you, to the point they would go to such lengths just to track you down then refuse to leave. Not exactly the behaviour of someone who just wants to have a showdown. They could have done that on your drive. They are actually risking quite a lot here if you think about it and could get in serious trouble but are still desperate to tell you something regardless. Is there a chance that it could be something really important they need to discuss, that you need to know about?

Swiftie1878 · 05/04/2025 11:40

There’s clearly a huge backstory here, and without more insight it’s difficult to know who is being reasonable (or not) or to give any advice.
I’m sad for all of you. They have clearly gone to great lengths to track you down, so will be horribly disappointed that you won’t engage at all. And OP clearly has reasons for not wanting to engage at all. 😢

JustMyView13 · 05/04/2025 11:41

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 05/04/2025 11:27

How do you know?
You haven't engaged with these people and you haven't read their letter.

Show quote history

OP has the benefit of knowing the history of their own family. Something we don’t.
If OP believes they need a solicitor, then OP needs a solicitor.

And to everyone who said it’s likely health related, OP’s DH would ofc have communicated that, so I’m sure we can put that to bed now.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 05/04/2025 11:46

Getting a solicitor to write to them sounds sensible. I’m so sorry these people have trampled all over your hard won peace. It might be sensible to hang onto the letter to use as evidence in case they continue to chase you. But I understand if you can’t bear to have it around still.

CustardySergeant · 05/04/2025 11:47

Highfivemum · 05/04/2025 11:23

My DH knows all my history as we met when in primary school. He knows what has happened along the years and how my DB had to survive and the costs involved in that. I trust him with my life and the mere fact he is not saying anything tells me there is no good in the letter . As I said it is very complicated and complex and not ur average long lost family programme.

Show quote history

How could your DH "say anything" about the letter when you are so adamant that you don't want to know?

Fingernailbiter · 05/04/2025 11:51

CustardySergeant · 05/04/2025 11:47

How could your DH "say anything" about the letter when you are so adamant that you don't want to know?

Show quote history

Yes. And the people might have wanted to tell you that they were victims too, needing some information you might have that would help them, or wanted to apologise on behalf of relations.

Darker · 05/04/2025 11:53

I’m finding the badgering of the OP in this thread more than a little uncomfortable….

She knows her situation far better than any of us. And her husband now knows what it is they want so he can tell her if he feels it would be in her best interest.

rainbowruthie · 05/04/2025 11:55

Darker · 05/04/2025 11:53

I’m finding the badgering of the OP in this thread more than a little uncomfortable….

She knows her situation far better than any of us. And her husband now knows what it is they want so he can tell her if he feels it would be in her best interest.

Absolutely - this with bells on.

I hope these people leave you in peace now

pinkdelight · 05/04/2025 11:57

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 05/04/2025 11:27

How do you know?
You haven't engaged with these people and you haven't read their letter.

Show quote history

She knows because she knows herself, her DH, her brother, her family, and a heck of a lot more about the situation than the people on here who keep prying and pushing. Can't you trust OP - and her DH, who has read it - to know what's best for her? People keep trotting out the long lost family fantasies (inheritance, illness, sob stories) when OP is super clear that it's not on that planet and that no good will come of engaging. She's very clear on all of that and so is much better doing anything further via a solicitor than getting personally involved.