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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Will this be too much after a c section?

100 replies

pinkbonbons · 02/04/2025 07:14

I’m due to have a c section in a few weeks and my family (different part of UK) want to travel to see me after it. The thing is, they’d be expecting me to be up for days out and two boisterous pre teen boys will be there (brothers- who I’m very fond of but they can be very full on). They’d also probably expect us to commute an hour each way to where they’ll be on some of the days. They’re looking at 4-5 weeks post section. AIBU to think that this would be too soon / too much after, especially as I’m going to try and breastfeed? They’re getting offended when I say this and think that I should be able to do some days out by that point (or at least half days or something).

OP posts:

Katemax82 · 02/04/2025 07:17

I had a section recently and I'd say tell them you won't be up for it. You may well feel OK.in yourself but seriously the more you look after yourself and heal the better. Let them come to you don't do loads of travelling and days out

HelenWheels · 02/04/2025 07:19

no i think it will be too much, not only for you, but for your lo. far too soon

Zanatdy · 02/04/2025 07:19

They are getting offended? Tell them you can’t go. Why can’t they come to you? Maybe you will feel ok to go then, but maybe you won’t and you could do without this pressure.

Whaleandsnail6 · 02/04/2025 07:20

Depends on you and your recovery.

Ive had 2 c sections, one emergency and one elective.

I had 2 easy recoveries (second I took my toddler to a party 5 days after) but not everyone does. Same with breastfeeding...with my second, I was able to just get on with day to day life and a sling but my first was more difficult to establish and I needed longer at home to feel confident

I would tell everyone you need to play it by ear and see how you feel before you commit to anything

You also wont be able to drive yourself for 6 weeks I don't think (pretty sure this was a thing when I had mine but that was years ago)

EatMoreChocolate44 · 02/04/2025 07:21

It's one of those things were some people will be fine & others won't. You won't know until the time. Breast feeding can be really tricky and at that stage you may or may not feel comfortable feeding in public. Both my kids had reflux and difficulty feeding so I never went too far from home in the first few months. I had an episotomy with my first and C-section with my second and with both I was up and about after a few days but I was still very much in the house for the first few weeks bar a walk or the odd coffee shop. I think you should let them know that you will have to wait and see how you feel and for them not to depend on you. Either that or give it another month.

Penguinmouse · 02/04/2025 07:21

Honestly, it differs from person to person and you don’t know how you’re going to feel but plan for feeling the worst: I was able to move around quite easily after my section, went for a walk in the park a couple of days after BUT I was just lifting the baby.

It is entirely reasonable to say: I’m about to have major abdominal surgery and I don’t know how I’m going to feel. The recovery period is generally six weeks but having never had a c-section before, I’m not sure how my recovery is going to be. You can come and visit but don’t factor me into your plans when it comes to travel or days out. If I’m feeling good, I’ll join.

If they’re huffy about it, then don’t invite them.

SonoPazziQuestiRomani · 02/04/2025 07:22

It sounds too much to my mind, especially if it's your first baby. You might feel OK but you won't know until after the baby arrives, and days out with a newborn in tow can be very difficult anyway (for both you and baby).

graygoose · 02/04/2025 07:25

I had a c section and my physical recovery was very easy but mentally I was struggling hugely with PPD and a very toxic relationship at that time. Even if you are physically ok after the c section it's asking a lot for a mum with a newborn baby to be doing the stuff they would be expecting of you. I'm amazed they wouldn't bend over backwards to accommodate you more tbh

Whyherewego · 02/04/2025 07:27

I felt good after my C section. And overdid it and ended up with a bad infection.
My friend who just had a C, i warned her but she thought I was exaggerating and also ended up with one..
This was just pushing pram around on long walks up hill or lifting it over thresholds etc.
Its major surgery. You need time to recover and that involves rest. Of course move around but don't plan on long journeys or environments where you can't take frequent lie downs.
Baby may not be sleeping well, you may be exhausted and want to nap in the day. I could only bf lying down at the start and so needed a bed.
Visitors are fine but just make them understand that you may be tired and they need to make their own cup of tea and sort themselves out !

stargazer02 · 02/04/2025 07:27

I think you could be well enough by that stage but recovery can vary. We were out on days out when dd2 and 3 were about 10-14 days old, but places close by (one emergency cs, other planned. Obv I wasn't driving)
Can you meet up on the days when they aren't so far away? An hour drive with a newborn needs a few stops as it's not recommended they sit in car seats for long stretches. Also if closer to home means you could join for a half day.
Having some time with family is lovely in those early weeks.

Loopytiles · 02/04/2025 07:29

That doesn’t sound good for you at all. Avoid!

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 02/04/2025 07:36

I would go with No to this now. They should make their own holiday plans, you are happy to host them for a day at yours but will not be able to join them and cannot commit to anything now.
Make this time about you and your baby.
a) you won’t be able to drive anywhere
b) if you are breastfeeding you will be still doing it all day (and night) every day. It will feel like that anyway.
best case, a pub lunch within a 10-15 mins walk on level ground.
In the nicest possible way, this will go much better if you manage their and your own expectations.

MissGeist · 02/04/2025 07:39

Yanbu. Do not do this. It takes at least six weeks for the internal wound to heal.
Find somewhere very local to catch up. If you're breastfeeding you might find it easier to be in pyjamas and stay cosy at home. They need to work around you and be flexible.

Merryoldgoat · 02/04/2025 07:42

Tell them to piss off!

I’ve had two and would not have been able to manage that.

Bearhunt468 · 02/04/2025 07:43

You won't know. By 4 weeks I was absolutely fine and ready to drive with my first. With my 2nd my scar was still closing up on one side and so I had to take it easy.

Tourist29 · 02/04/2025 07:45

You say they’d be expecting and also probably be expecting so are you presuming? They are surely aware you’ll have had surgery and not expect too much, if not just remind them I good time so there is no pressure on you.

jeaux90 · 02/04/2025 07:46

No Op as good as I felt after two weeks there is no way I’d agree. You have no idea how you will recover or whether your baby will be easy, feed well etc or not.

schooop · 02/04/2025 07:47

I would have been fine to do this tbh after my section, but if you don’t want to, that is fine. Recovery might not be as long and slow as you think.

Rooroobear · 02/04/2025 07:49

You really need to rest (as much as you can with a newborn) little walks here and there are fine but you need to recover. It’s major major surgery. You may feel ok but I promise you, you will make yourself worse by doing all that. You need to put your foot down and say they need to wait

SweetPeaGirl · 02/04/2025 07:49

My recovery from my elective caesarean last year was great, and within a couple of weeks I was doing days out, gentle walks, lunches, all sorts. By 4-5 weeks I was driving myself and do 3 mile walks. I think this is more common for elective caesareans but by no means guaranteed - you definitely can't plan on the expectation of being so mobile.

BUT it was entirely on my baby's timeline, dictated by her sleep, feeding, needs. Time in the car was kept short for her. Plans were made in the morning based on how our night had been, didn't commit to anything in advance. Plans got made and then cancelled within the same hour because of how she was doing and I was coping.

We had our first visitors (not staying with us) when she was just over 2 months old and that was doable but hard work for me, and they were very considerate and fit in to our schedule.

There's absolutely no way I'd want to have visitors at 4-5 weeks. If you can get out and do stuff that's great, but it needs to be no pressure, on your own timeline. You'll have enough to cope with without someone making demands for you to be at a certain place at a certain time! Or to stay out for a certain length of time. Nope.

Mindymomo · 02/04/2025 07:51

Even without the C Section, at 5/6 weeks, you are wanting to be in a good routine with baby, feeding and sleeping. I would tell them you are happy for them to still come and stay close by, but unfortunately you cannot promise lots of visits and full days out with them until you know how recovered you are. Even with my normal first birth, I overdid it at a wedding post 3 weeks, baby was fine, but it put me back a couple of weeks recovery.

Mearse · 02/04/2025 07:54

I’ve had 3 electives. After the first, everyone expected me up and about. I was at a wedding 3 weeks later for dh family, 3 hours away. It was fucking horrendous. I was under so much pressure to go.

Dh aunt wasn’t there. She’d had a hysterectomy a month earlier. It was full of people saying poor thing, she’s recovering from surgery. We understand.

That’s what made me think, fuck this shit.

I’d had major abdominal surgery too - but because it’s “only” having a baby, you are expected to be up and about and doing everything. You can bet your arse that dh aunt want it’s given paracetamol and expected to be up every few hours to care for someone else. Thats after 9 months of pregnancy.

Next two, it was a case of telling people I’d just had surgery. I did nothing for six weeks. I sat and cuddled my babies and recovered properly.

You might feel fine. But it gets me that no one seems to give a shit about c sections. Women are just supposed to carry on like nothing has happened.

TheSandgroper · 02/04/2025 07:59

Baby car seats are very isolating. Baby is likely to scream all the way there and all the way back and there will be nothing you can do to help so your brain and your hormones will also be screaming by the time you fall out of the car yourself.

Fuck no.

CurbsideProphet · 02/04/2025 08:00

These threads always show the great difference in recovery from what is major abdominal surgery. Some women's insides knit back together very quickly and they're out jogging the next day. Other women take a couple of months to be out and about as normal.

I couldn't have done days out / hours in the car 4 weeks after my planned c section. I was managing little trips to local nature reserves for a stroll. Not a full on day rushing around with extended family.

Breastfeeding wise, at 4 weeks I was spending a lot of time sat on the sofa feeding. DC absolutely wouldn't have been happy in the car for 2 hours a day at that stage. He wanted cuddles and boob!

Secularbeaver · 02/04/2025 08:03

From someone who has had three births that didn't involve major abdominal surgery and is currently stuck on a bed feeding a 7 week old who isn't appreciative of time schedules (I'm due to leave for the school run in 3 mins, it'd be a hell no from me.

MY core is still completely goosed and I didn't have a C-section, lugging the car seat and all of the paraphanalia that comes with a baby is only just getting easier. Please let your body heal. I tried to do way too much too soon after my first and my body did not thank me for it.

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