Will this be too much after a c section?

[pinkbonbons]

I’m due to have a c section in a few weeks and my family (different part of UK) want to travel to see me after it. The thing is, they’d be expecting me to be up for days out and two boisterous pre teen boys will be there (brothers- who I’m very fond of but they can be very full on). They’d also probably expect us to commute an hour each way to where they’ll be on some of the days. They’re looking at 4-5 weeks post section. AIBU to think that this would be too soon / too much after, especially as I’m going to try and breastfeed? They’re getting offended when I say this and think that I should be able to do some days out by that point (or at least half days or something).

You might be fine and you might not. I had a planned c and bounced back. My newborn was really easy. It was just luck.

Your family are being very unfair here.

It just depends on you though but I would say youd be able to do 1 day out for example and you will pay for it for the next day or two. Like you can still feel well but then easily over exert yourself and it will definitely set you back, I did this myself a few times.

The other issue is the 1hr travelling that would be a no, that's the last thing you want with a baby and they arent supposed to be in the carseat for that long either. Your family need to accept that this isnt a holiday for you, so on this occasion I'd just say they can do what they want but you wont be able to see them daily and will be taking it very easy.

I didn't have a C section. And with my first I wouldn't have gone anywhere for the first 6 weeks. Gentle walks nearby, staying near spaces I felt safe to breastfeed in. I hardly drove except short journeys because I wanted DD to get sleep. The first 6 weeks were tough in terms of establishing breastfeeding feeding, getting tongue tie sorted, getting into a routine the two of us of sleep and rest and fresh air

With DD2 I was out at 3 weeks old. And that felt OK because I wasn't alone. I majorly regret it now as she caught an infection and was in hospital having a lumber puncture at 5 weeks.
That's unlikely to happy to you! But I think even without a C section (which as others have said is MAJOR abdominal surgery!) Having a new born is a time not to push yourself in ways other than focusing on you and your baby.
Let them come to you and look after you. Make that clear that that is your expectation. Anything else you will play by ear but don't expect you to join in.

This.
Sometimes you can "push through" in the moment, or perhaps look fine, but it can slow healing and cause long term repurcussions.

I think it’s too much even if you weren’t having a c section- I wouldn’t have been up for it after my first baby. You might be ok but best to plan for you not being able to do it. Plus you won’t be allowed to drive at that point will you so hope they’re not expecting that.
Tell them to either postpone or plan for days out by themselves and just calling in to see you for a short time each day.
Definitely don’t plan to cook for them or anything like that.

Who is putting this pressure on you? If one or more of them is/are women who have had kids I’d take a very dim view.

your job is to rest and bond with your baby. That’s it. Nothing else. Certainly not day trips out - if the time comes and you want to then fair enough but I bet you’d rather just sit and look at your baby.

I loathe women who forget how hard the first few weeks are. I hope it all goes well and you get peace to bond with your infant.

I really agree with this. I think they're being ridiculous. You might or might not recover quickly (I did) but I don't think that's the point. I think the point is that having spent nine months gestating a tiny human, undergoing surgery to give birth and then trying to keep said human alive whilst healing, you're entitled to expect that people will come to you and bring you food and tea whilst you lounge on the sofa.

i’d have been fine but my husband only had 10 days at home (2 weeks all in) & i had no help so had to get on with it myself or my 4 year old would have gone demented not getting out & about! Don’t see why you can’t travel or do half days - you don’t have to do them all.

Obviously if you have a bad recovery, wound infection or pnd or something it’s different but elsc is a different experience to an emergency one and anyone i know whos had one has had a fairly positive experience, my 1st vaginal delivery was terrible - badly stiched episitomy that didn’t heal and i struggled to drive and that was a much harder recovery than c section. I was out walking 3 says after the birth.

I found c section recovery a breeze but it still took me about 6 weeks to be able to do anything like that ...would be firm no from me

In fact, regardless of birth and recovery I wouldn't be able to do all that with a newborn

Fuck No.

Just say you have no idea how you will be feeling, so they need to be prepared to entertain themselves without you.

I am assuming they aren’t staying in your house? If they are, it’s a flat no.

I've had 2 cs.
The first one was an emcs, but not complicated and I was driving in 4 weeks (check with your insurers) and beginning to do data out with DS.

The second was a crash section under GA. I couldn't stand up straight painlessly for 10 weeks.

I'd say you're not going to be up to it. They want to see you, they come to you. You'll have just have had a baby, you get to call the shots. You might still be bleeding. You might not be able to drive again. You might be shattered.

I couldn't have dr8ven at 4 or 5 weeks, because I couldn't push down on the clutch enough - there's absolutely no way I couldve braked hard enough. I also would have struggled with people bumping into me etc.
Equally, I could go for a bit of a stroll, but not anything like a day out with boisterous pre-teens.

I would've liked to see family, but activities wouldn't be paint balling and water sports so much as RHS gardens etc!

It depends as everyone’s recovery is different. I’m 5 weeks post elective c section and a first time mum. I was out and about shopping,walks,1hr car journeys to meet up with family for the day etc since about 3 weeks pp although I know some people it may take longer to be able to do that. You won’t know until you’ve had it and see how your recovery goes. I play things by ear tbh - not because of the section more so because of lack of sleep if it’s been an awful night etc.

i was driving at 2w pp (dr told me to when i feel ready and insurance said go off your drs advice) again my recovery was only really difficult for the 1st week then breezy but i understand I may have been a lucky one

Remember you will also have a very small baby and you probably won't want to do big days out when you are establishing feeding etc.

Honestly I hate this get up and go attitude. I had to my kids were both in NICU there was no time for my personal recovery. Physically my body just about coped the stress took its toll.

@pinkbonbonsyou will need to rest, recuperate and spend time with baby. Just say No. forget all the people saying they were running a marathon at 4/5 weeks. More fool them. Look after yourself.

Very touch and go. My first c section was an emergency but I recovered quickly, I’d probably have been fine. Second c section was a bit more painful to recover but by 5 weeks I was back to normal really. But I had third c section last year and an important family event at 3.5 weeks post partum and as much as I wanted to, I really couldn’t go, it would have been far too much for me. At that point in my recovery I was advised by midwife to stroll to the coffee shop (10min walk), sit and have coffee and then walk home - that was the right level of activity for where I was at. Just tell them you will love to see them but they’ll need to come to you and take you out for a pub lunch!

Te hospital will advise you to take it easy for the first 6 weeks (no matter how well you feel). Just tell them it's doctor's orders.

This is good wording.

I had a planned section and might have been able to do what you describe but it seems so totally unnecessary. Your focus should be on physical recovery and getting feeding established. At 4 weeks PP we were only just starting to get there after a TT. My advice is generally not to have anyone to visit unless you feel comfortable BFing in front of them or removing the baby to another room or they only stay for 20 minutes.

TL:DR it may be possible for you to do it but it would be crazy to commit to it with people who don't sound as though they're prioritising you and the baby.

That's absolutely ridiculous, just say no visits until you are completely recovered, you can really damage yourself running around like this.
It should just be about you and the baby for at least a month, everyone elses needs come way down the list.
My cousin cooked a full roast for her visiting family two days after her section and ended up being admitted back to hospital with an open wound, a huge blood clot in the wound and dehydration, she was ill for weeks.
JUST SAY NO.

Tell them no and if they get the hump they’re insensitive and clearly don’t care about your well-being.

I had a friend who was up and out a week after c section, turns out she felt forced to and ended up with burn out and regretted not saying no and spending time at home with her baby.

My baby was in NICU for over a week, took time for me to recover and I would of been fuming if members of my family were offended I didn’t want to go out with them on full days out

The short answer is YES!
I was told no lifting anything heavier than the baby, take stairs slowly and it was REALLY painful in the 1st couple of weeks - they cut through muscle don’t forget.
A nurse friend visited about 3 weeks in when I was feeling much more mobile and told me Inwas moving around too much doing laundry etc …
and when I jokingly said what the worst that could happen was told - your uterus coming out your fanny!
seriously, it’s 6 weeks and you do it want to risk opening your wound, causing bleeding, or a prolapse. The visit should wait.

It would have been okay for me, I felt fine after my EMCS and was up and out the next day (gently!) and driving myself around by 2 weeks, doing the grocery shop, school runs etc BUT that's not the experience for everyone, people have different levels of recovery, both physically and mentally, and so you should do what you want to do and what you're comfortable with and stuff everyone else.

Here’s another piece of advice - DO NOT listen to any advice from anyone who had a baby more than 5!years ago. They forget. We all forget.
We forget about how hard it was or lack of sleep or even when the kids started walking and talking etc … it all blurs. And while older women like grans have much useful wisdom to share - when it comes to to advice re newborns and how THEY were with theirs, let’s just say time doesn’t help with actual detail!

I recovered from my c section very easily, very little discomfort post-partem, the wound healed well and quickly and I was up and about a few hours later and moving around as normal by the following day, a very positive experience all round.
However, I definitely wouldn't have felt up to planning family trips or days out when our baby was six-weeks old as we were still getting used to parenthood and trying to establish a routine with our little one, also, due to my extreme anxiety, anything more than a trip to the park felt too daunting. Also, I was nervous about her being exposed to too many people before her eight-week jabs so we limited ourselves to home visits from family and friends.
She's twelve-weeks-old now and, so far, apart from her trip to the GP and pushing the pram round the park, weve been out for lunch twice with in-laws, both times she was an angel, loved the car ride and seemed to enjoy looking round the new environment of the restaurants, but that still felt like a huge step to me so I can't imagine having planned a whole day out with her when she was only six weeks!!
I hope your family are understanding whatever you decide to do, nobody should be pressuring you either way, especially ahead of time when it's impossible to say how you'll feel post c section.