Will this be too much after a c section?

[pinkbonbons]

I’m due to have a c section in a few weeks and my family (different part of UK) want to travel to see me after it. The thing is, they’d be expecting me to be up for days out and two boisterous pre teen boys will be there (brothers- who I’m very fond of but they can be very full on). They’d also probably expect us to commute an hour each way to where they’ll be on some of the days. They’re looking at 4-5 weeks post section. AIBU to think that this would be too soon / too much after, especially as I’m going to try and breastfeed? They’re getting offended when I say this and think that I should be able to do some days out by that point (or at least half days or something).

I had a c-section and recovered well and quickly with very little pain or discomfort. However, it would still have been a hard no to what is being suggested. Far too much pressure to be "up for" whatever things they are
planning. Too much travelling for a tiny baby. Just no.

A bit of mild pottering and a leisurely stroll close to home, maybe.
If they want to be offended, let them. They haven't just had major abdominal surgery. I'm really cross on your behalf.

Apart from the recovering from surgery aspect, driving with a new born was awful for me. Both babies SCREAMED in the car to the extent that I couldn't even drive 15 minutes without pulling in and having to take them out, soothe them etc. I would only go on trips to the doctor and arrive sweating and anxious from the SCREAMING in the back, only to have to do it all again on the way back.
There's no way I'd take a baby in a car unnecessarily. (Your baby might be different)

I think you should set aside at least 6 weeks for your own recovery, getting to know baby and establishing breastfeeding and getting plenty of rest where you can. If you feel ok quicker than that, it's a bonus. I certainly don't think you'll be feeling like going for days out.

Visits from family and friends when you've just had a baby should be short and sweet. Hopefully they will bring you some nourishing food and make you a cuppa! It's nice to have company, especially when your partner goes back to work but you shouldn't be running around after visitors. If your family are getting huffy about you not wanting days out, that's their problem. Don't let them coerce you into doing anything you don't want to do!

C-section recovery is not easy. Take it easy.

No. Even if you feel great after your C section I'd be very surprised if you want to do full on days out within the first couple of months.

You're going to need rest time to heal. You're going to be tired with night feeds. It takes a while to get any level of energy back.

They can visit but sitting, chatting and drinking tea is really what post baby visitors should be doing.

Let them take offence! You are the one that’s just given birth
you don’t know how you’re recovery will go plus you’ll be establishing breastfeeding
I had a crash CS and although it was 30 years ago, I can still remember struggling to get out of a chair for a while
Don’t feel pressured to agree to anything
its different if someone comes who would be helpful.

Really depends on your recovery and general energy levels pre c section. I had two elective c sections and was walking a couple of miles a few days later both times, by week 2 I was doing full days out and by week 4 I was back exercising and travelled overseas both times around week 4-5. I hate being inside and in one place though so I was ultra keen to get back to normal asap. But if you don't fancy it just say no or tell them you won't know until closer to the time if it's possible, don't put any pressure on yourself as others have said.

Say you can’t commit and leave it open. First one I was absolutely fucked. Couldn’t do anything for 6 weeks. Second one I was out and about after a week.

I think that sounds demanding for someone who has a newborn (I'm assuming first?) however they've given birth, and recovery from a section adds an extra layer of uncertainty. For the first few weeks after I had my first I did next to nothing except feed her and I was permanently exhausted. I actually had a pretty straightforward recovery from my section but my nipples were agony, I was barely sleeping for much more than an hour or two at a time and I thought getting dressed was an achievement on some days. I certainly wasn't up to entertaining or making long car journeys in the first few weeks. Your focus in the early weeks should be very much on your baby and your own recovery and your family really should understand that. You might be lucky and have a brilliant recovery, a newborn who sleeps well, takes to breastfeeding like a breeze and naturally falls into a predictable routine, but in reality the likelihood is that at least one of those things and possibly all of them won't happen initially. The early weeks are tough for many new Mums - don't make things any harder than they need to be by agreeing to unreasonable demands from other people.

Too soon. General advice is no driving for 6-8 weeks and depending on your policy that medical advice may render your policy null and void.

Also though, it's major surgery and you have to recover whilst horribly sleepy deprived which makes it ten times more difficult.

I had a c-section late March last year. It wasn't emergency and it wasn't particularly traumatic but the recovery for me was long.

There's no way I could have done what you've described, physically or mentally tbh. I did short relaxed walks to local parks and coffee shops for the first 6 weeks.

I think it was week 12 where I travelled to London for the day on my own (without baby!)

Suppose what I'm trying to say is, take it at your own pace. When you've had the section you'll know how you feel, until then don't be pressured into plans or guilt tripped by anyone! If they're your friends and family they should understand.

It's a no from me. Who cares if they get offended?! Personally l wouldn't respect someone who told me l couldn't consider my health or caring for a tiny baby, as a priority to random day trips. Would they be the same to someone who had another major surgery. Or is it as l suspect classic sexism? Irony is you are having major surgery AND you have to care for a newborn.

Make crystal clear it's not happening. I get CF vibes and they will push this issue, as well as many others

"can't commit to anything at this point" covers all bases.

I've had two sections and it's a hard no

Purely in terms of my section, I would definitely have been fit and well enough for days out by 4/5 weeks.
Everything else though? Not so much. You will likely be in a sleep deprived fog, possibly with a baby who doesn’t sleep, hates the car seat (and it’s bad for them to be in car seats for prolonged periods at that age anyway), and wants to cluster feed every hour or more. If you are breastfeeding you might not be fully comfortable with feeding out of the house- that can take practise at first and time to develop confidence.
I would be advising them to lower their expectations of you. You may be up for trips out, but you may not and that’s ok.

My daughter's ice skating coach was back on the ice training her with full permission from her Dr 3 weeks after an emergency C-section.
On the other hand my friend baby is 6 months old and due to complications she's still not really able to get out and about much.
Honestly I don't think you'll know until after the birth.

I was back on my horse 7 weeks and 6 weeks after my 2 c sections. As long as you take first 2/3 weeks really easy by week 5/6 you will feel much more human!

I guess everyone is different but I was walking about on day 2. I bad 3 c sections and never found them particularly challenging. 4/5 weeks absolutely fine for me. Sounds like you just don’t want to go and that’s the excuse, in which case, fine.

Tell them to jog on. You will see what you feel
like closer to the time.

At 4-5 weeks I would have been fine for this, healed well, ds slept well etc. A lot depends on how you heel and how much sleep you're getting tbh.

It is a major abdominal surgery. People like to forget that because it’s a surgery that only women have. Also instead of focusing purely on your own recovery, you get handed a baby that needs you 24/7 and you have to keep growing it with your own body.

we let out of town family start visiting at the 4 week mark. One household at a time. They stayed at nearby hotels and came to our house for nice quiet visits. We got food delivered.

I've had 3 C-sections. Physically (in terms of the section recovery) I would have been fine to do this. Mentally, there's no way I could be bothered with the stress and hassle with a newborn, exhaustion, breastfeeding, carting all the kit around, disruption etc. Think they are being unfair assuming you'll be fine with this.

Oh my god, I’d be like are you guys kidding? No, no and no.

Even if you feel great, they need to take the NO that you have given them.

I didn't have a section but had a couple of stitches, my in laws wanted me to go for a walk a 40+ minute drive away at about a week post-partum. I was so so sore from sitting in the car and then trudging around in the rain, I'm really trying to start saying no more. It's important to set boundaries.

Good luck and congratulations

keeping in mind a c section is classed as a major operation, yet us mums are expected to care for a new born baby while recovering after all three of my sections (my last was huge but that was due to previous section, placenta attached to previous section scar tissue and other complications) by 4/5 weeks I was pretty much physically back to normal, driving (insurance was fine and was signed off to be allowed to drive) HOWEVER, that was me. Sections and recovery are different for every women and that should be considered by all including your family. I wouldn’t tell them a hard no, you maybe fine and you maybe glad to get up and out etc but at same time you may not want to or feel up to it. I would insist that it will all depend on how your recovery is going and how you feel but they are more than welcome to visit etc.

what I would say is it will hurt and you won’t want too get up and about, but it’s important to try and be as active as you can. Get up and walk, try not to twist too much and take it steady, don’t run before you can walk as recovery will be slower. Big granny supportive, high waisted knickers are a god send and also when you come home from hospital have a pillow in car to hold over your tummy when being driven home because every bump in the road will hurt.

I loved my sections had 3 vaginal births and 3 planned c sections. You hear horror stories but honestly don’t listen to them if it’s your first because they are not always so bad or scary. My experiences were lovely and I’ve heard many many positive stories that I found outweighed the less positive ones.