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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Nanny leaving

298 replies

Countessofgranthamm · 01/04/2025 22:46

Nanny leaving who has been with us 3 and a half years. Is it unreasonable to just give gift and a card or is it customary to give money too? We are moving overseas for DP work so I suppose we are technically the ones leaving! She is the first nanny we have had to unsure of the customs?

OP posts:
Crazybaby123 · 02/04/2025 00:12

I disagree with giving her redundancy money as OP bas said she is self employed. Thats the contract she worked under and is happy with (assuming she has been thus far).
Contractors know contracts don't last forever.

You could give her something useful like a gift card.
Although I once got a tiffany pen as a work leaving present and I still love it 20 years later.

Shetlands · 02/04/2025 00:12

OP must now be hoping the wind will change direction and Nanny will open her umbrella and float far away into the clouds.

FanofLeaves · 02/04/2025 00:13

Crazybaby123 · 02/04/2025 00:12

I disagree with giving her redundancy money as OP bas said she is self employed. Thats the contract she worked under and is happy with (assuming she has been thus far).
Contractors know contracts don't last forever.

You could give her something useful like a gift card.
Although I once got a tiffany pen as a work leaving present and I still love it 20 years later.

🤣 sorry but you are spouting nonsense. Nannies are not freelance.

IHaveAlwaysLivedintheCastle · 02/04/2025 00:14

Countessofgranthamm · 01/04/2025 22:59

We don’t use PAYE, we transfer and she declares her earnings. (I’ve seen proof of this) so I don’t think we’re expected to pay redundancy?

Well you almost certainly should be psying PAYE and Employer's NI.

UniqueRedSquid · 02/04/2025 00:14

Crazybaby123 · 02/04/2025 00:12

I disagree with giving her redundancy money as OP bas said she is self employed. Thats the contract she worked under and is happy with (assuming she has been thus far).
Contractors know contracts don't last forever.

You could give her something useful like a gift card.
Although I once got a tiffany pen as a work leaving present and I still love it 20 years later.

I don’t know if you’ve missed all of the above but it isn’t for the OP or their worker to decide. The law and case law is clear and has been codified.

The Nanny isn’t a Contractor even if the OP and the worker are pretending that they are.

You/your employer cannot just decide that you’re self-employed to escape the obligations that come with employing a person.

IHaveAlwaysLivedintheCastle · 02/04/2025 00:15

Crazybaby123 · 02/04/2025 00:12

I disagree with giving her redundancy money as OP bas said she is self employed. Thats the contract she worked under and is happy with (assuming she has been thus far).
Contractors know contracts don't last forever.

You could give her something useful like a gift card.
Although I once got a tiffany pen as a work leaving present and I still love it 20 years later.

Nannies are not self employed.

OhNoFloyd · 02/04/2025 00:15

OP isn't coming back... OP has realised she owes her nanny several thousand pounds in redundancy and pension contributions...

Calliopespa · 02/04/2025 00:16

OhNoFloyd · 02/04/2025 00:15

OP isn't coming back... OP has realised she owes her nanny several thousand pounds in redundancy and pension contributions...

Wot?! So is that a “no” to a fiver in the gift card?

Crazybaby123 · 02/04/2025 00:18

FanofLeaves · 02/04/2025 00:13

🤣 sorry but you are spouting nonsense. Nannies are not freelance.

Show quote history

I did not know this, why can a nanny not be freelance? I am going to google now. I assumed they could be. I have used ad hoc nanny services for short periods but not had to become an employer. Maybe they werent classed as nannys as not full time then as other people have said.
AhhbInam thinking it is IR35 rules, I contract myself but bave never thought about if nannying would fall into the rules. I guess a full time nanny would fall inside IR35. Case closed :)

Jumpingthruhoops · 02/04/2025 00:18

Calliopespa · 01/04/2025 23:09

They are but she’d be unnatural not to find it hard.

I think a small gift is a bit lame … she’s looked after your most precious assets.

Show quote history

Exactly. Looked after her most precious assets for 3.5 years - yet OP is trying to swerve what nanny is entitled to.

Employers really are the gift that keeps on giving...

IHaveAlwaysLivedintheCastle · 02/04/2025 00:21

Crazybaby123 · 02/04/2025 00:12

I disagree with giving her redundancy money as OP bas said she is self employed. Thats the contract she worked under and is happy with (assuming she has been thus far).
Contractors know contracts don't last forever.

You could give her something useful like a gift card.
Although I once got a tiffany pen as a work leaving present and I still love it 20 years later.

In case you missed the other posts- the nanny is not self employed.

UniqueRedSquid · 02/04/2025 00:22

It’s actually really saddening. Some very high income individuals choose to do this to reduce their tax bill but by and large I see individuals on a low income who have either been coerced or misled.

Ultimately they’re being exploited because their pay, holidays and pension are negatively affected. The only beneficiary is the employer in the vast majority of cases.

And ignorance is not a mitigating factor. We all have obligations.

beetr00 · 02/04/2025 00:22

@Jumpingthruhoops SOME

"Employers really are the gift that keeps on giving..."

Did you see @Starseeking post;* *Yesterday 23:34?

IHaveAlwaysLivedintheCastle · 02/04/2025 00:22

Jumpingthruhoops · 02/04/2025 00:18

Exactly. Looked after her most precious assets for 3.5 years - yet OP is trying to swerve what nanny is entitled to.

Employers really are the gift that keeps on giving...

Show quote history

Oy- don't tar all employers of nannies. I did everything by the book for mine.

Crazybaby123 · 02/04/2025 00:22

IHaveAlwaysLivedintheCastle · 02/04/2025 00:21

In case you missed the other posts- the nanny is not self employed.

Show quote history

Thank you!! I posted above i have just twigged the nanny would be subject to ir35. I have used ad hoc nanny services but never full time so did not think about it.

DarkForces · 02/04/2025 00:24

Crazybaby123 · 02/04/2025 00:18

I did not know this, why can a nanny not be freelance? I am going to google now. I assumed they could be. I have used ad hoc nanny services for short periods but not had to become an employer. Maybe they werent classed as nannys as not full time then as other people have said.
AhhbInam thinking it is IR35 rules, I contract myself but bave never thought about if nannying would fall into the rules. I guess a full time nanny would fall inside IR35. Case closed :)

Show quote history

Google the definition of self employed. There's plenty of case law summaries out there. Nannies will rarely fall into this category as their work and hours are directed.

IHaveAlwaysLivedintheCastle · 02/04/2025 00:25

Crazybaby123 · 02/04/2025 00:18

I did not know this, why can a nanny not be freelance? I am going to google now. I assumed they could be. I have used ad hoc nanny services for short periods but not had to become an employer. Maybe they werent classed as nannys as not full time then as other people have said.
AhhbInam thinking it is IR35 rules, I contract myself but bave never thought about if nannying would fall into the rules. I guess a full time nanny would fall inside IR35. Case closed :)

Show quote history

I did not know this, why can a nanny not be freelance?

Because a nanny can't choose where and when she or he will work. The employer dictates that.

CrazyCatMam · 02/04/2025 00:26

How much notice did you give her?

Has she found another job?

Jumpingthruhoops · 02/04/2025 00:31

IHaveAlwaysLivedintheCastle · 02/04/2025 00:22

Oy- don't tar all employers of nannies. I did everything by the book for mine.

Show quote history

Of course I realise it's not all/only employers of nannies. Was speaking about employers generally - not a day goes by where there's isn't a story of someone getting shafted in their job!

IHaveAlwaysLivedintheCastle · 02/04/2025 00:34

Are we all looking forward to the deletion message "OP has privacy concerns"

Whooowhooohoo · 02/04/2025 00:38

Prob owe her pay for any accrued holiday and if you have let her go then redundancy (google the guidance). If you told her you are moving and she has resigned for another job before your agreed last day, then not redundancy. Give her a few weeks cash bonus if you are generous

Onthemaintrunkline · 02/04/2025 00:49

The countess hasn’t been back, suspect the replies she received were an un pleasant surprise!

H112 · 02/04/2025 00:50

Asked my mum and she gave ours 5k and a few little gifts.

Op you sound like you have money. Share it with someone who cared for your children.

lawpluslaw · 02/04/2025 00:51

Slightly different situation, but my housekeeper (20 hours/week) resigned last year as they were moving out of London. She had been with us nearly 10 years, so I figured a week's pay for every year and then rounded it up, so gave her the equivalent of 3 months and continued to pay into her NEST pension, tax & NI for the 3 months. She was very pleased with that.

nicenicemaybe · 02/04/2025 00:56

Think OP has run a mile!!