To not go to a friend’s party because she still owes me money?

[SpaceMoo]

They are DH’s friends really more than mine, and have borrowed money from us to help out their son buy a house. That was a year ago. She’s now having a massive 50th party and is very keen for us all to go. She’s also been on holiday (flying business class she raved to us - it was a gift apparently.) We’ve asked for the money back three times now and she said it’s so hard to take out loans and her other property didn’t sell, problems with tenants etc.

Anyway, I would prefer to cut her off and get solicitors involved. DH trusts her he said and thinks they’re just putting the house on the market and will give the money back. He sees her more often than me as they work close by. He doesn’t want to end it and thinks I’m being petty, it’s just a matter of time. In the meantime she advised us to remortgage our property (which me and DH argued about and a) I resent the arguing and b) point blank refused.

It’s time to get solicitors involved I feel. (Money amount 40k)

I'm not assuming affair or anything like that.

I think that DH has been flattered to be asked to lend the money. He was happy showing off to this person whom he perceived as superior to himself.

Unfortunately that is precisely how gullible fools get scammed.

No doubt she presented this as just a teeny tiny amount of money. Not worth her asking for a loan from the bank for. A tinkly laugh will also have been deployed.

The reality is that she is probably up to her eyelids in debt with a dreadful credit rating. I'm a similar age and profession and could easily raise £40k in a couple of days.

Okay I will reread at a slower pace. I’ve just come back for a tea break peak at the replies. I might be playing this angry. DH is sick of me going on about this too he just said.

Are you sure your DH lent it to her and hasn't gambled it/spent it or something else and he's lying about it? I cannot believe that anyone would lend someone 40K and the fact that you talk about 'breaking up with her' is bizarre too.

This is what my mum said. He suddenly felt rich and is playing with the rich folk and wanted to splash out and show off what a big generous man he was lending to those investment banker types and doctors and financial wizards wow. (What an arse!)

You could check whether Financial Advisers have a professional body and threaten to report her if she turns nasty. As previous posters have said, she would certainly never advise her clients to lend money to friends/family without a watertight legal agreement for repayment in place. What she has done could be considered professional misconduct so the lack of a legal agreement could go against her.

As others have suggested it's probably a good strategy to be as nice and friendly as possible, let her think she's got away with it and that you trust her completely. That way she is more likely to let her guard down and it'll be easier to out maneuver her.
If she knows how pissed off you are she'll start putting things in place to make it harder for you to act against her.

could they be having an affair?

Legal proceedings against what though?

£40k she will say is a gift and you have no evidence to the contrary.

Apart from those who think this is an April Fool - as it's hard to believe anyone would be so daft as to 'lend' someone £40k they couldn't afford to lose, and without any formal loan agreement, am I the only one wondering how the hell this would pass any financial checks with the mortgage company/solicitors doing the legals for the friend's son's house purchase?
Having gone through the checks for my own DS's house purchase, because we funded a Help2Buy account for him over a number of years, I'm mystified how some random friend of parents giving £40k would pass the checks. Which makes me also think this has to be an April fool!

Stay away from the party, as you clearly resent her, (with good reason).

Try and get the loan formalised, and ask her to start paying in instalments. If she can afford a fancy party, she can afford to start repaying the loan.

If nothing happens, then find out which professional body she is with and report her. She should not be borrowing money from her clients.

and find a new financial advisor, as this one is not acting in your best interests.

I am surprised the lady in question didn’t insists on a loan agreement. At the moment with no written agreement it looks like income so she might be investigated for not declaring . She would need evidence to back up what it is!

if you watch the Judge Judy’s and judge Rinder programmes these sort of things happen all the time. People trust their mates and so don’t do the usual due diligence and then get let down. Tale as old as time.

This is the maddest thing I have ever read. Who lends someone's adult child £40k with no documentation, especially when that £40k is not savings but unsecured credit!!

On the slight off chance this is real, there is no way they could have used the money to buy a property it would not pass even the most cursory AML test.

She will not repay. I’ve seen this recently with a friend and someone they knew. The recipient of the loan for £30k is now ghosting friend and has no shame about posting their glam holidays and birthday celebrations on social media. Some people are just immoral and scammers. I fear she is one.

Yeah, those amazing financial wizards who couldn't raise £40k.

I know it is a lot to you but to someone who should be near the end of their mortgage it should have been easily obtainable from her own resources.

She has borrowed from you/your husband because you can be easily dropped from her social circle for being difficult about a 'silly little matter'.

The friendship is already broken, your DH doesn't realise it yet.

WTAF?
Can I check I have got this right?
You have debts and you handed over £40k to people who aren't close friends anyway.
Please tell me you have cast iron evidence that they agreed it was a loan

Sick of being reminded of what a fool he has been, he means?

Did he agree that he's an idiot?

I just watched ConMum on Netflix
That should give you an idea about what sort of person you are dealing with.
I was also related to one of these people and have met a couple - one managed to con a lot of people in our community but luckily as I had seen it all before I kept my distance
They don't operate like normal people and rely on everyone thinking that you play by certain "rules" but they don't and it confuses people so they don't knwo what to think
Other people may have been stung as well but won't admit it out of embarrassment or because they don't want to handle the truth yet

Just a thought but he didn't think he was investing the money in some sort of scheme (pyramid?) did he?

Just weird how he didn't do any paperwork to back up a loan, unless he thought it was a 'guaranteed' money maker.

Whatever, he has been foolish in the extreme and has more than likely lost you £40k.

Transferring £40k as a bank transfer to a friend doesn't require any of those checks.

The money was clearly never ever going to be used for the alleged purpose. OPs husband has been conned.

This, cheeky two faced fuckers!!

This is very dodgy for a financial adviser to do this and the reputation damage if this goes wrong for her could see her lose her business!

id be amazed if she didn’t repay you, as the alternative could be losing her business and ability to work being struck off.

i think you should calm down. Assume you’ll get it back. I’d call her arrange to meet and explain that you really need the money back and when would she be able to provide it? You’re feeling uncomfortable with the uncertainty, you can’t wait till property sells does she not have other money available? Be strong but calm. Leave your DH out of it if he’ll be too soft

Not only does your husband doff his cap to these wealthy people he empties his bank account and gives them all his money🤣🤣
I think you should unhitch your wagon from his PDQ before he goes bankrupt and takes you down with him.
A fool and his money are soon parted!

My two cents worth op..

what’s she got on your DH? Affair etc
just a thought