to hate when people who don't know me use the shortened version of my name

[Haveapotato]

This happens in work ALL the time. Let's say I am called Elizabeth, but Liz to my friends / close work colleagues. I have no problem with being called Liz in conversation, but it's not what I go by in general and I always introduce myself / sign off my emails as Elizabeth, particularly when it's in a work context / introducing myself to clients.

I get so many emails from people I've never interacted with before starting with 'Hi Liz', or someone puts my name down as an action owner as 'Liz Smith'. It really riles me.

Whenever I email someone for the first time, I always use their first/full name as per their email address, then if they reply to me signing off with a using a shorter name I will use that going forward, but I'd never go straight in with 'Hi Jan' when the person's name is Janet.

AIBU?!

And yes I know I have too much time on my hands if this is all I have to worry about.....

If my name on my emails was Liz, then fine. If my name on my emails is Elizabeth, then call me Elizabeth until I respond as Liz.

I used to work with a woman who was Elizabeth, but in conversations she wasn't in, some of her team referred to her as Lizzie, purely because they knew it irritated her when people called her it. Which then meant other people thought she was Lizzie, didn't know her well, and shortened her name to something she didn't use, ever.

Unless you know someone prefers the short name, use their proper.

I hate it when people do this, it is really unprofessional and rude. I also hate people spelling my name incorrectly when it is literally in my e-mail signature.

I have a foreign name and the first bit sounds a bit like a common English name so people just shorten my name to that (my full name is only 3 syllables, it’s not that long…) because they assume that’s okay instead of my full name. It’s not, it feels like forced intimacy to me and makes me uneasy.

I’m the opposite, my name is Deborah but always known as Debbie. That is until the last 4-5 years and I’ve realised I don’t like being called Deborah or Debbie so everyone shortens it to Deb. My work signature even says Deb. I’m 42 and I tell people that the only person allowed to full name me is my mother, when she’s “telling me off”!

DS(23) is Joseph. If people call him Joe he just politely says," It's Joseph".

His friends are funny and will chorus
" ..seph!" If anyone new joins the group and says " hi,Joe".

I would never shorten a person's name without a prompt.

🤣

My parents deliberately gave me a one syllable name which cannot be shortened, for they both hated the practice.

Unfortunately they then raised me in Africa and the Far East, as well as across two European home countries, and my short, neat English given name is almost unpronouncable in any of the other languages I've had to operate in.

Sometimes you just can't win.

Honestly I think making such a fuss over someone trying to be friendly makes you look a bit tight arsed and self important.

How is it being friendly choosing to call someone by a name they never said they were ok with and never introduced themselves as?

Being friendly is calling people by their actual name and letting THEM decide how they want to be referred to afterwards. It’s rude and entitled to think that someone should accept the name you chose to dub them out of your perceived view of “friendliness”.

I had a colleague who used to shorten our surnames or just call us by our initials, even via email or Teams. So Kirsten Cambell would be Cambi or KC. He thought he showed camaraderie but I hated it and wished I said something. I no longer work with that team luckily

But the people at work who you graciously allow to call you Liz probably refer to you as Liz. You're probably known as Liz.

People can't be expected to know your arbitrary rules of engagement and it's silly of you to get offended when they don't.

And I think not showing enough respect or interest to even bother learning someone's actual name is reflects badly on the person using the unwanted shortening.
Funny how people differ 🤷🏻‍♀️

My name only has 5 letters, occasionally someone will try and shorten it, don’t sound or look right, it does seem rude.

In my comment I said call me by the name I'm responding to you as, so if I DID reply and sign off "Liz", then by all means use that. Otherwise, go with what the person you're speaking with has clearly indicated is their name. I didn't say I "graciously" allowed some people to call me anything.

I said people in that woman's team referred to her as Lizzie because they wanted to annoy her. She wasn't known as Lizzie, she didn't want to be known as Lizzie. It was people being rude that made it happen.

People shorten my name, I don't say anything to them directly because it's not the end of the world, but I do respond using the name I prefer. I've had people shorten my name in their first interaction with me, despite me being introduced as my full name, my email being my full name, my signature being my full name and me referring to myself as....wait for it....my full name. Why then refer to me as something else?

And I use the name people sign off their emails to me with. Cos that's just polite.

I wouldn’t answer if people called me by a shortened version of my name. Not to make a point but because I wouldn’t realise they were talking to me. It simply isn’t my name.

My DH hates the shortened version of his name and only told me this when we’d been married 20 years and I’d regularly shortened it! I did point this out and he said “but I think it’s cute when you shorten it!” 🙄 So I’ve continued in private but always use his full name in public now.

Absolutely this. Just comes across as so uptight and precious. They’ve overheard somebody call you Liz, presume you go by Liz, big deal.

My full name is added automatically to my work emails.

My shortened name is what most people call me by.

Someone new at work might get an email from me and hear about me from other people at work by two different names.

Of course it's rude to refer to someone by a name they don't want to be known as. But it's arrogant to expect everyone else to make the same assumptions you make about how you would like to be addressed.

What do you mean ‘bothering to learn their name’? If you overheard someone in the office call your colleague ‘Jenny’ you would call them Jenny wouldn’t you? Rather than fannying around asking if they go by Jennifer when it appears they don’t.

My name can be shortened and I havemany people use both versions of my name and I don't mind.....it does come in handy ! I always introduce myself with the full version of my name if they then call me the shortened version I can be fine with it but occasionally my hackles go up and I now that's an indicator that there is something I dislike about them, a different versin of a gut feeling I guess lol

Most email systems allow you to add your own signatures. Hence I know which Matthews (automatically added to their emails) prefer Matt and which prefer Matthew. I know which Rebecca's prefer Becky and which don't want to be Becky. We have two Georgina's and their signatures both say Georgina but one always adds "George" to the end of her internal emails because she prefers that with her colleagues but for clients to use Georgina.

If you signed off an email to me as Jennifer, I wouldn't automatically call you Jenny when I responded or met you in person, unless that's how you had introduced yourself to me or how I was introduced to you by someone. I would even be likely to ask which you prefer if someone had said Jenny but I'd seen all your sign offs as Jennifer.

Can't expect everyone to just know but it's not hard to be polite or find out.

It's not necessarily "hard", it's just not necessarily obvious that it's even an issue.

We have a Jen at work who everyone calls Jen, including me. Recently, I note that she is Jennie on her email.

I'm assuming if it matters that much to her, she'll correct it. And, of course, if she had told me she wanted to be called Jennie, I'd try and remember to call her that. (Of course, you don't learn everyone's name by them introducing themselves to you.)

I'm not going to just randomly shorten someone's name. The only reason I would call her Jen is because I thought that was her name.

Neither do I assume, though, that the name they have in their email is their true name and the name I hear everyone calling them is verboten, which was the presumption by the poster earlier on who allowed some chosen people to call her Liz, not Elizabeth.

I would call them by whatever name they introduced themselves with

I am kind of the opposite. I alwasy go by my shoterned version and only my abusive father ever cals me my full name so when Ive repeatedly signed off as shorted version it is very triggering to be called by my full name.