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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I snapped at work… how bad is it?

217 replies

Freakedfreaked · 31/03/2025 15:23

Im in a mid management role, no direct reports but do work with people more junior, their job is to support me and my peer in the delivery of key business tasks.

I’m relatively new in the role (6 months) there are some obscure processes and policies I’m still finding out about. My performance in role has been met with praise from exco, so I’m doing well)

there is one jnr who frankly is incredibly difficult to the extent I dread working together because it’s a battle. A simple task is met with a huge amount of pushback and moaning and reasons why not to do something. Things mysteriously not getting saved etc etc. General rudeness. It has been escalated.

this is a persistent issue with everyone but I do feel it’s worse with me.

today, very simple bau task, the same nonsense very aggressive with it too. Then basically tattles to my peer on zoom, who then sides with me and invites me to the call. The junior guy then turns around and flips it on me, saying it’s not his responsibility and how the direction wasn’t clear. To which i pointed out it’s fine to ask a question if the ask isn’t clear but xyz needs to be done. He mumbles some shit sarcy shit about it not being clear, my peer says the email I sent was pretty clear and he’s been in role long enough to know what was meant. He mutters something under his breath. I snapped. I said, you can always ask for clarification and I don’t think the underhanded comments are needed, and it’s making me quite cross, so to that end I’m leaving this call. I think I was calm in my tone of voice, but I was shaking on the inside.

was I hideously unprofessional

my logic was, I’m not getting drawn into an argument of he said she said and playing the blame game, especially when I was feeling quite tense. They really landed me in it big time last week through not doing some key tasks. I had to work well into the night to sort it .

am I going to get a telling off?

OP posts:
WearyAuldWumman · 31/03/2025 16:40

You did well. Stop panicking. You're fine.

Organic82 · 31/03/2025 16:40

But you say he’s like this with everyone else

Freakedfreaked · 31/03/2025 16:41

tillytoodles1 · 31/03/2025 16:39

Did you fart too?

How did you know? 👀

OP posts:
Organic82 · 31/03/2025 16:42

I would not worry about what you said
and presumably you have passed your probation?

I would worry about such a feeble company in addressing very evidently poor performers and disrupters

Freakedfreaked · 31/03/2025 16:43

Organic82 · 31/03/2025 16:40

how long have they been in the new role?

under a year but their role prior was largely related to this one but more admin level if that makes sense, so they are more familiar with processes and procedures and know this task like the back of their hand

OP posts:
Ilovemyshed · 31/03/2025 16:44

Sounds perfectly reasonable. Why are you not speaking with their manager to talk about their attitude?

Freakedfreaked · 31/03/2025 16:44

Organic82 · 31/03/2025 16:40

But you say he’s like this with everyone else

It’s a persistent problem but I do think it’s more amplified with me because I’ve not been here as long

OP posts:
Freakedfreaked · 31/03/2025 16:45

Ilovemyshed · 31/03/2025 16:44

Sounds perfectly reasonable. Why are you not speaking with their manager to talk about their attitude?

We have the same manager and I spoke to them last week, they were less than pleased at the behaviour and I’ll be mentioning it tomorrow.

line manager though is as cool as a cucumber and never gets thrown, so they will likely think I was a bit shit.

OP posts:
Freakedfreaked · 31/03/2025 16:46

Organic82 · 31/03/2025 16:42

I would not worry about what you said
and presumably you have passed your probation?

I would worry about such a feeble company in addressing very evidently poor performers and disrupters

Yeah passed with flying colours so that’s all good

OP posts:
lifeonmars100 · 31/03/2025 16:47

Sounds as if you calmly and clearly stated the facts. One of the things I love about being retired is the freedom from stuff like this, it is so draining and gets in the way of doing your work. I used to work with a guy who was so slow, so daft and had to be told things many many times and there were times I felt like throttling him. There is so much more to work than doing the actual job! .

ScaryM0nster · 31/03/2025 16:47

You’re fine.

Sometimes there are only two options.

Continue and risk someone saying something they regret. Or walk away.

Among other things, you stopped the junior digging themselves into a further holes.

(and if you’re struggling to get that perspective yourself, do you generally trust the judgement of your peer? If so, keep that in mind when you consider this, they were there and have said is fine).

On what next, you, your peer and your boss need a joined up conversation and plan for how the juniors behaviour and performance issues are handled so it’s consistent and they don’t play you.

Organic82 · 31/03/2025 16:48

Good luck Op is all I’ll say!

Organic82 · 31/03/2025 16:49

Freakedfreaked · 31/03/2025 16:45

We have the same manager and I spoke to them last week, they were less than pleased at the behaviour and I’ll be mentioning it tomorrow.

line manager though is as cool as a cucumber and never gets thrown, so they will likely think I was a bit shit.

But why?
you have the email as evidence
and everyone knows how shit he is…. Even the boss!

Freakedfreaked · 31/03/2025 16:49

Organic82 · 31/03/2025 16:48

Good luck Op is all I’ll say!

What do you mean by that?

OP posts:
Organic82 · 31/03/2025 16:49

Freakedfreaked · 31/03/2025 16:49

What do you mean by that?

Company can’t manage very poor and disruptive employees despite everyone being aware and many impacted by it

mnreader · 31/03/2025 16:50

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

meganorks · 31/03/2025 16:51

Really disappointed with how not bad this is 🤣

You've done nothing wrong. Junior member is an arse.

Freakedfreaked · 31/03/2025 16:52

ScaryM0nster · 31/03/2025 16:47

You’re fine.

Sometimes there are only two options.

Continue and risk someone saying something they regret. Or walk away.

Among other things, you stopped the junior digging themselves into a further holes.

(and if you’re struggling to get that perspective yourself, do you generally trust the judgement of your peer? If so, keep that in mind when you consider this, they were there and have said is fine).

On what next, you, your peer and your boss need a joined up conversation and plan for how the juniors behaviour and performance issues are handled so it’s consistent and they don’t play you.

Thing is there has been an attitude problem in the team that’s gone unchecked.

me and the other new guy were shocked when we first joined. First it was the peer who was really tangible but they got given a talking too, that dwarfed the jnrs issues and obscured them somewhat, now the peer issues have been addressed (by someone far more snr) the absolute blocker that is jnr is becoming more tangible, looking back he used to push some blame onto the peer (who was v v difficult).

so it’s been a shit show.

me and the other new guy would be like woah, every day is like a boxing match

OP posts:
Freakedfreaked · 31/03/2025 16:53

Organic82 · 31/03/2025 16:49

Company can’t manage very poor and disruptive employees despite everyone being aware and many impacted by it

yes it’s not my forever home, that’s become clear. But still I do take my professionalism and reputation seriously and I’m annoyed with myself

OP posts:
tillytoodles1 · 31/03/2025 16:55

Freakedfreaked · 31/03/2025 16:41

How did you know? 👀

Just a guess.

ScaryM0nster · 31/03/2025 17:03

Freakedfreaked · 31/03/2025 16:53

yes it’s not my forever home, that’s become clear. But still I do take my professionalism and reputation seriously and I’m annoyed with myself

I feel you.

However, realistically you can’t maintain a reputation of being incredibly patient and tolerant with everyone and also get stuff done and not break yourself.

It’s not a bad thing to be known to have a slight edge and not stand for whinging and sniping comments.

You get to set the tone on the next interaction. You can either apologise (which suggests you were in the wrong) or you can set the tone that we’re here to talk about the task and delivery of it, and nothing else.

Freakedfreaked · 31/03/2025 17:05

ScaryM0nster · 31/03/2025 17:03

I feel you.

However, realistically you can’t maintain a reputation of being incredibly patient and tolerant with everyone and also get stuff done and not break yourself.

It’s not a bad thing to be known to have a slight edge and not stand for whinging and sniping comments.

You get to set the tone on the next interaction. You can either apologise (which suggests you were in the wrong) or you can set the tone that we’re here to talk about the task and delivery of it, and nothing else.

I was thinking if I apologise that’s setting the scene that I was wrong and maybe opening the door for criticism

OP posts:
Organic82 · 31/03/2025 17:06

This happened this afternoon?

PopeJoan2 · 31/03/2025 17:07

OiBonita · 31/03/2025 15:34

Mmm… you flounced and your senior. You didn’t handle it well.

She did not flounce. She ended a call where someone was being disrespectful. Would you have just taken it?

babasaclover · 31/03/2025 17:07

PsychoHotSauce · 31/03/2025 15:26

I'd have done the same and then realised I'd missed the end call button in my rage and I was still connected...

😂😂😂 might be something I’m familiar with too

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