To think that people pretend not to understand obesity

[Mezzoprezzo]

After 30 plus years of failed diets I've recently started on mounjaro. Because I've placed an order and spent weeks searching stuff about weight loss medication, my Facebook feed is full of adverts from suppliers, many of which use vlogs from real clients who have lost weight. And the vast majority of comments are along the lines of, couldn't you just eat less, haven't you heard of exercise, why not just stop eating crap etc. Surely people are faking ignorance to have the fun of fat bashing. Obesity is rife! Everyone knows someone who struggles with their weight and who talks openly about it. I and every other obese person I know have tried every diet under the sun. Walk into any gym and you'll see a fair number of larger people trying bloody hard. And I know someone's going to reply to this post by talking about an obese friend who they once saw eating an entire packet of biscuits. Well numerous times I've given in to the overwhelming urge to do that too. And hated myself afterwards. It's part of the horrible condition. People have got eyes and ears and they seriously know full bloody well how hard obese people try to lose weight. They just pretend not to so they can have the fun of hating.

I will add that my battles are completely invisible to the outside world.

All you will see is a big lady with a smile.

I nearly took my life last year, despite having 2 beautiful children and DH I love with all my heart, when the suffering became more than I could bear (chronic pain and other diseases I suffer also worsened, needed 2 operations and was bed bound for a period)

but all you will see is a big lady with a smile

Despite it all, I didn’t lose my smile 🥲

That is far too simplistic. As a child your parents control what is put into your mouth and your tastes can get locked in. . Lots of people feed their children things like Ella's baby food pouches thinking through the marketing that they are healthy. School dinners reinforce some other bad choices made by parents.

How we respond to food and food cravings is hardwired. What your mother eats when she is pregnant and her emotions during pregnancy impact how you respond to food.Advertising is powerful (or else companies wouldn't spend millions of pounds on it). Emotional trauma, as with most addictions, can be linked to food.

I am quite tearful writing this so will say no more for now and check in later.

Wishing you all a lovely Monday, it is crazy beautiful out there today! Spring sunshine in all its glory.

Please remember kindness costs nothing. People are very good at reading non verbal communication so when I get judgemental looks and side eye because of my size, it hurts. When the symptoms get really bad (especially fatigue, pain and brain fog) my emotional resilience lowers and it actually makes me feel worthless.

(I am working on this, but the depression makes it harder)

I can feel sympathy for someone who struggles with an addiction yes, especially a substance as addictive as nicotine — but having never had a nicotine addiction, no I can’t empathise with how hard it must be to stop. Same with an eating addiction.

I recognise that there are medical conditions that cause some people to struggle to lose weight, but let’s at least be frank here, most obesity in the UK is caused by people eating too much of this ultra processed food and becoming either addicted to it or choosing it because they prefer it. At its most basic level, it is calories in vs calories out, I have in the past managed my own weight to be a little smaller or in some cases larger based purely on caloric intake and energy expenditure. It can be done, for most people. Excluding the medical anomalies.

@Mumtumtastic thank you for your posts. What you say resonates with many of us.

For whatever reason, and there are many, her body isn't getting satiety signals to stop eating.
It's actually very difficult not to over eat, when your body doesn't know that it has eaten enough and is telling you that you are still hungry. There is more to it than being a greedy bastard patting their belly.

It is virtually impossible to ignore " you are hungry, eat" signals from your body because it is a primal drive for survival. Just as being thirsty makes you crave a drink.
You are absolutely confirming the OPs point with your ignorance.

To address the “it’s an addiction” comments.

For me, it wasn’t and isn’t an addiction. It’s literally just being hungry. Physical hunger. Not mental hunger.

For some other people I’m sure it’s true it is an addiction.

Aren't you amazing.
You should write a smug book.

Today I made veggie soup to take to the office. Ten minutes work for a tasty, healthy, filling, hydrating lunch with eight different veg. 250 calories, about 40p.

I'm impressed. Can you share the recipe? I don't think I could collect, wash, peel and chop 8 different veg in 10 mins, never mind cook, blend and transfer to a flask!

I’ve been on MJ since August. Started at 25st 8lbs, am now 21st 7lbs. The weight is coming off slowly but consistently. My goal is 12st. I’ve been fat my whole life - I was a fat child, a fat teenager and now a fat adult. My appetite has always been huge and have always desperately craved sugar. My parents (mum is a bit overweight, dad has always been slim) were at their wits end as they always fed me a healthy diet with limited treats but when I did have access to sugary stuff I just binged on it. I’ve always felt like something has been wrong with me/my hormones as to why I crave sugar and junk so much.
since starting MJ I feel like I’m eating normally for the first time in my life. I have said to friends no wonder lots of thin people can be so rude and unkind about fat people - they must think “well, just eat less?” which is a mindset I understand now my appetite and cravings are so reduced. Before, it genuinely wouldn’t have been an option. My cravings were all consuming and overwhelming. I lost 3 stone in 2020 by fasting 3 days a week and exercising for 2 hours a day every day - not sustainable and I was miserable.
For me WLI have been a miracle and I imagine I will need to be on them for a very long time as I genuinely believe there is something wrong inside my body that the medication balances out. I still fancy chocolate and biscuits etc and eat them when I fancy it, but the all consuming cravings and food noise are gone. That’s the difference.

I did. I had lost four stone with everyone's favourite eat less and move more. Then I had my gallbladder removed. I was a few pounds off my goal weight so carried on eating exactly as I had been (lots of salads, fish with veg etc) to lose a pound a week but within a couple of months was regaining at the rate I lost and put it all back on.
Having read a lot more about insulin resistance l, since WLI have been in the news, I think it's likely that the operation triggered that in me. At the time I just felt like my body had broken, that a 500 cal daily deficit was now seeing me gain weight.
But you know best obviously and no doubt I'm just a lazy fatty making excuses.

I think sometimes it's easier for some people to (want to) believe that obese people are obese because they eat the wrong food/eat too much/eat upfs/ are lazy ....because assuming they are fully in control, somehow persuades the other person that they themselves couldn't get like that because they would simply be more disciplined.
Because if it's a combination of things, some (possibly not all) are beyond a person's control then it could happen to you regardless of how much you tried to reverse it. And that's probably more uncomfortable. and it also makes naturally thinner people feel superior

When I read what a lot of people eat in a day and what their calorie restrictions are and that they can't lose weight, I have come to the conclusion that the main reason I'm not overweight is luck.

It's so true. People love to feel in control. That the good things in their lives are down to their own good judgement and self discipline. Whereas we're walking sacks of hormonal chaos and if one of those switches is set wrong or goes wrong then we falter. All of this in combination with eating half decently and exercising - it's not like it doesn't matter at all (although for some people, it doesn't seem to).
There was a book out a few years ago called Gut, about the gut microbiomes. A bit of it was devoted to the interaction between the gut microbiome and expressions of willpower. I'm not saying I believe it, this is a pop science book likely over interpreting emerging data. But imagine telling that person who prides themselves on the ease with which they choose good food...that it might all be down to whichever bacteria they have in their gut. They'd implode.

Neither could I. I make a nice veg soup but it takes a while to prep and meld the flavours.

Lots of interesting observations in this post and the one before.

@Mumtumtasticit really sounds like you’ve been through it and I totally understand - I’ve also suffered with depression and I’d say that’s the worst part of it for me. If you ever want to chat, send me a PM. The thyroid affects most things in our body so it has a lot to answer for and no wonder we feel so ill x

I've seen prepped soup packs that you make in advance and freeze. So you're putting the time in somewhere. There isn't really any way to avoid putting time in if you cook from scratch. I've been doing it all my life and you're either sourcing recipes, sourcing ingredients, doing the shopping, doing the prep, or cooking. Thinking about it all the time. I'm sitting here doing a shopping list for later and it's a monumental faff - worth it in the end but there is time being spent, ykwim.

Ah, because you've managed it, that means that everyone is the same.

Newsflash, bodies behave differently. Plenty of responses on this thread explaining examples of this.

Ignore it if you want. Doesn't change the fact. Just proves the OP's point.

That's exactly what I keep coming back to when people just can't seem to understand. We're not all the same. We dont all have the same signals from our brains. An analogy that always occurs to me is imagine seeing a friend who had severe eczema and scratched at their arms and legs constantly. Would it make sense to say, 'I can manage to sit here without scratching, why can't you?' You're not scratching because you're not itchy!

You seriously think eating less doesn't lead to weight loss?

I say this with a bmi that just tipped over into obese in january.

I decided to do something about it. 4kg down since january and yes all I have done is eat less. A lot less. No I'm not a 20 something where it's easy to do it either.

I think delusion about how much you're eating also plays a part.

I did think about weightloss injections but every study done says the weight in regained once you stop.

Food is engineered to make people overeat. I notice the minute I eat anything processed, even bread, my hunger goes crazy and I just want to more. Eating intuitively does not work for me. I have to track calories/macros and keep a very close eye on my weight and body composition.

Obesity is a hugely complex problem and I support the use of weight loss injections to give people the head space to reset their relationship with food. Once people get that start they can then turn to exercise and changing their lifestyle. It’s not always effective to try and change lots of things at once.

If it were as simple as calories in/calories out then explain why as a child in the 80s and a very active child at that, I was overweight at 6 years old?

My sister, 18 months younger, was basically a stick insect, my nickname was 'Chunky'...

Same diet - three meals a day, snacks occasionally but we're talking a mini mars bar at the top of Snowdon, a chunk of Kendal Mint Cake on Helvelyn, a mini Snickers down a cave... not the endless snacking kids do today.

The rest of the time it was home made normal food, normal portions though there was the obsession with clearing your plate and a lot of food stress over things I would not eat (meat, fish, things with a very distinctive texture).

We were very active, walked a lot in the week, even more at weekends, parents members of various caving/climbing/walking clubs - canoeing, swimming, caving, hillwalking, rock climbing, horse riding, skiing... We were joining in on those activities as soon as we could, I was down my first cave at 2, skiing at 4.

Despite endless diets, increasing the exercise, and absolutely not sneaking food as there was no food to sneak, I continued to gain weight, and my sister did not.

But also where is the responsibility, just dont scratch for every itch? Yes you're hungry and your brain is telling you to eat but as an adult just dont eat, ignore it, distract yourself. Hunger is a temporary discomfort that's it, after a week or two your body will adjust and you genuinely wont feel that hunger anymore.

I dont eat everytime my brain was hungry or fancied some food and that's the bit that people struggle with. Just have some discipline and willpower. I know I come off so nasty here and I'm overweight myself and have been obese in the past but for the vast vast majority of people they eat to much and have no self respect or discipline (that may stem from various issues) but if those people were locked away in a room and delivered healthy meals and portions size they would 100% lose weight.

Everything else is an excuse, cant cook, look up recipes, weigh food, count macros, be accountable.

@WiddlinDiddlin My brother was the same. I was stick thin, he was very overweight from about 6 to 13. We were both active. He was ridiculously active, in fact. He will say that he was overfed but I was there. He wasn't. Neither of us was. Pretty healthy diet as well, all home-cooked food, plenty of veg.