Mother’s Day disappointment

[Sotired007]

Not sure if I’m being unreasonable, overly sensitive or just having a low day.
A month ago, partner said he was taking us out for lunch for Mother’s Day, after breakfast in bed and a chilled morning. I said to him ‘you’ll need to book somewhere soon as places will book up fast!’ He said good point he’ll get something booked.
DD is 3 and severely disabled, she wakes at 4am everyday, rarely sleeps through the night. I’m the only one that hears and the only one who can settle her. When he tries she gets more upset. So for us both to sleep, I sort it. I WFH while looking after her while DP works M-F. Exhausted is an understatement, the daily fight for support along with the medical needs, and physical exertion.

Beginning of this week I mentioned in passing I was looking forward to going out for Mother’s Day. DP said ‘oh I’ve forgot to book’ he then spent the next couple of hours ringing places, of course all booked up. 🤦‍♀️ he did apologise and said he was sorry for not sorting it out.
I then had a look and found a local restaurant had a slot but not til 7pm. I wanted to go out so I booked it. That was that.

Friday he finished early as he was going out with friends, (it’s rare either of us go out) came home just before lunch and said he was going for a nap. Ok fine, DD was at her specialist setting and I was busy working. Then he went out a few hours later.
Saturday of course, total write off for him which I expected and have no problem with.
but, I then said I was looking forward to a lay in and breakfast. He said, oh I’ll need to go out to buy all that. (On Mother’s Day!)

AIBU to think he should have bought it Friday on his way home knowing today would be a total no go for him going out?
that I had to book my own Mother’s Day meal?
that and he’ll have to go out to get breakfast and our child yet again is solely in my care when I could really just do with a rest??!

He is not a bad man, dad or partner, he is loving and kind. But sometimes, god he just doesn’t THINK!

He's going out now to buy stuff for breakfast, right? He knows somewhere open? You will not be parenting in the morning as you'll be lying in.

Yes he can go now!

Nope he went to bed 2 hours ago, slept most of the day. To be fair I’ve not seen him this hung over in years 😬
like I’ve said that’s absolutely fine, it’s the lack of planning. I just feel overlooked

Extremely disappointing. Match his energy for Father’s Day. You were very clear on what you wanted and he’s fucked up.

The shops won’t be open until 10 or more likely 11. Knobber.

I'm sorry, that's rubbish!! You deserve to feel a priority, not a last minute chore to complete. Just explain your expectations to him for next year, to make up for this one 🫠

Have you thought about booking a hotel room? 🤣

ive tried that 3 times before to get a break and every time DD has ended up poorly and I’ve had to come home as I just can’t settle. Daren’t risk it now! Plus everyday is full or appointments or work, we get married in a few weeks so final sorting doing.
all I wanted was a morning laid in my bed, without getting up and just pitting myself first for a few hours

This. Make sure they get what they give. No more making allowances for selfishness.

To paraphrase a mumsnet classic: You don't have a mothers day problem you have a day to day parenting problem and he needs to step up more generally. Why do you only get a lie in once a year?

Can he take DD to the shops with him tomorrow?

He is useless, selfish, thoughtless and incompetent. Stop with all the ‘oh it’s fine, he hasn’t been out for ages, he’s normally so good blah blah bollocks’. It’s not fine at all. He’s been totally crap and you should tell him so.

Oh Jesus, you’re marrying this idiot? WHY?

This is really sad. As much as you are making excuses for him the facts speak for themselves. I really don’t think it’s on for a grown man to be getting into such a stupor that the following day is total write off either. Would you do that? He should have booked the meal and bought the stuff for breakfast. He’s selfish and lazy.

Slightly in his defence, it was his work stag do.
However, I totally agree when you’ve a family at home, especially a child with complex needs there has to be a cut off point. Where you go no I’ve had enough and that’s it. He has major FOMO with a lot of things.
had this convo before. I just want to not have to think about anything for one bloody day! That’s I’ve not had to sort!

This.

Why are you marrying a selfish nan who puts his social life above supporting his partner and disabled child.

Trust me this will only get worse. He will continue to act like a single man out with the lads on a Friday. Hungover and lie in on a Saturday.

You will keep doing everything. Have some self respect and dignity. Do not marry thus sorry excuse for a man and father

He should have been prepared for tomorrow earlier as he promised he would.

Can he rearrange lunch for next week, he seems to leave an awful lot of pressure on you, I don't think he should be going on the piss when you're hanging on by a thread,even if it was a rare occasion.

He’s gone out and become so drunk that today has been a write off? Laying in bed all day and going to bed at 7pm? Honestly who is this guy. Anyone can pull themselves together to go to the supermarket and do a bit of parenting hungover. Just like we all used to pull our sorry hungover selves to work. You let him get away with this behaviour and he doesn’t respect you for it. He’s waking all over you. YANBU to expect more and you should be having serious talks with him.

You must be so exhausted waking up every night and yet working. You need and deserve so much more than just one day where you are appreciated and get a lie in. Do work out a schedule with dh so you share the week-end lie-ins and leisure time. Having a disabled child is so hard on all levels and you need some respite.❤️

Steady on!
He does not do this every weekend, it was his stag do. trust me if he did this all the time I’d have high tailed it long ago!
my issue is he’s not forward planned for tomorrow. That everything’s last minute

He can find a 24 hour store tonight or have cornflakes in bed, it is pointless if he goes in the morning.

For gods sake people, calm down. By the sound of it, the big night out followed by hangover is a rare occurrence and was his stag do. No need to write him off just yet. Re Mother’s Day, it hasn’t even arrived yet so he’s not spoiled it.

OP, make sure you have your lie in. Get him to Uber Eats/Just Eat a breakfast of your choice, have a relaxing day and enjoy your meal out in the evening. It’s just a day.

His stag do, that is different.

Thank you, needed a bit of understanding, it is tough.
he has started getting up with her on a Sunday as I have Saturday morning where I take her to the gym.
thing is usually I’m already awake and for the life of me I cannot go back to bed once up, tried and felt shocking most of the day. Gives me headache.

How do you work whilst looking after a disabled child?

Ok, I came on here for a bit of reassurance that how I’m feeling is valid.
yes sometimes he can be lazy, yes I have to remind him sometimes to step up. Hell most of the men/dads I read about on here are. I’m naturally an organiser and in control of our daily lives, because I’m home and do all the planning.
I just wanted to be a forethought not an afterthought.

Sorry but what’s his problem? You’re the “only one who hears her” wake up and the only one who gets up? Put the monitor next to his bloody ears and make him do it.

I plan my day around her needs. Can’t afford for me not to work with everything she needs privately as the NHS don’t provide enough support