Good salary- no money - struggling to afford everything!

[Boxingshibes]

This is mainly a vent- so please be gentle
I work ft in a full on role.
I have to travel for work at short notice so would find it difficult to get a 2nd job.
I make £62k which sounds loads
But this is to support 4 people. Myself
Dh is disabled and unable to work.
2 teenagers. Dd1 is looking for any work but not found anything.
Dd2 is autistic and agoraphobic.
We also have 2 dogs and 2 cats.
We rent in the SE. Our rent is going up by £100 to £1800 next month.
Next years council tax is almost £3k.
Gas and electricity is about £250
Food is about £150 a week.
Everything just keeps going up.

We may have to pay for dd1s college next year then there will be uni which we can't afford.

Dh will progressively get worse. Dd2 will possibly not be able to leave home. My df is in and out of hospital at the moment and dm is showing signs of dementia.

I just want to run away.

My mistake. I meant DD2.

Sounds stressful OP. 💐

@Miley23
I couldn't agree more.

DD can take a gap year to save up and/or go to local uni if that’s her goal.
Many young people can’t afford to move out - my DD will move back home after uni (we live in London).
Why do you have to pay for college?

I would investigate EOTAS to fund your daughter's online schooling. I would also meal plan to reduce the meal cost: this can be reduced significantly. Other bills seem fairly fixed other than gas. I'm not sure if this is very high due to disabilities.

I haven’t read all the threads, so apologies if this has already been mentioned. Depending on your husband’s disability he may qualify for council tax discount under SMI, severe mental incapacity, I’d never heard of this until reading an article by Martin Lewis. I have M.S and suffer with severe cognitive issues, I honestly thought I’d got Alzheimer’s until I underwent tests with a neuropsychologist, my memory is severely affected. It is quite simple, your local authority can send a form out, this needs to be signed by your G.P, they then forward this back to the Council. They also back date it from the day you received PIP or other benefits. I had a lovely surprise, a cheque for just over 4k, which I used for roof repairs.

I now receive a 25% discount off our bill. Also, if your husband is disabled and unable to work he should be claiming UCredit, simply for his National Insurance credits which are important for the state pension, he really should look into this.

Your daughter should apply for DLA or PIP, depending on her age. If you’re unsure about any of these arrange to see someone that knows the ins and outs. We have a local organisation that helps, also the Citizen Advice Bureau can help, best to see them in person.

You shouldn’t have to keep on struggling on your own, the system is there to support genuine users in times like this 🤗

Agree, our 3 dogs are classed as part of the family, love them to bits!

ESA is an old benefit, now classed as a legacy benefit. I’m currently on ESA (support group) contribution based due to having M.S, eventually we’re being moved onto UCredit.The equivalent on UC is LCWRA.

Ffs

You do sound angry.
I'm sorry your own situation is difficult. But yours is actually the very opposite of what she's experiencing.
You did manage to buy. I have no idea of your circumstances or how you could have possibly avoided having to sell up.
And please stop touting stuff like 'help from parents/ inheritance.' None of that applies to me and my parents are dirt poor. Yes, we bought when houses were cheaper but so did you- 25 years ago.

I assume the OP is in a cheapish area based on their rent.

I'm actually asking why they got to the age they are with a bad credit record and not enough savings for a deposit.

That may seem insensitive to you, but it's actually based on what OP has said and very much part of their dilemma.

Something else has gone wrong over decades , not just her DH being unable to work now.

Then have some compassion.

I can’t imagine a scenario where I’d rehome our much loved dog either. But then I’ve never been on the bones of my arse struggling to feed and keep a roof over my children’s head. In that scenario, where it’s a choice between providing for my children or my pet, my children would win hands down, however heartbreaking it felt at the time.

You should not be having to pay for online school. I know the last thing you will want is extra admin, but if you contact the LA and formally request educational provision under Section 19 of the education act they will have to consider this. If they say no, you can make a complaint to the LGSCO and they can overrule them.

Agree

What a nasty and ridiculous post.

I think people overestimate how many 'cheaper areas' are out there. I live in the north west in a nice but not affluent area. A quick look on Rightmove tells me rent on a 3 bed semi would be 1300. I know that is a saving but when you look at the costs of moving and the implications of a family dealing with disabilities and mental health issues I doubt there would be much gained and a lot lost by moving away from their support network.

Definitely apply for an EHCP and appeal if they say no x

@Snippit ESA is not just a legacy benefit. Claimants can’t make new claims for income related ESA or contributions based ESA, but they can for New Style ESA (which is based on a claimants contributions) and that is not being migrated to UC.

OP would be better focusing on an EHCP than section 19 provision. The EHCP can guarantee provision, although one or more appeals may be necessary. Whereas, OP’s DD will very shortly cease to be compulsory school age and while LAs have the power to make provision for students who are not compulsory school age, they do not have a duty to under section 19 of the Education Act 1996. So it is quite unusual for LAs to agree provision. Knowing this, the LA is likely to drag things out and any enforcement action by way of a pre-action letter/JR (the LGO isn’t a suitable remedy because the normal timescales of the LA complaint process then going to the LGO takes too long) will be pointless given the short time left until DD ceases to be CSA.

You utility bill is high @£250 a month

We pay around £180 -£200 a month on average. 4 bed house, heating on 7am-10pm in the colder months and from 7am-10am in summer if the thermostat falls below 20C.

Kindly, you need to try to look long term and work out some way if you can to get out of renting.

I don't know your age, or your parents, and if you will get any inheritance (that could be used for care homes.)

But relying on renting when you only have a pension isn't great unless it'a good pension.

Are you in a company pension scheme? Do you have a pension prediction for your retirement? If you rely on pension in future, how will they provide for your needs?

I appreciate your current needs are difficult but as much as you are able, you need to look ahead as well.

I've also read another post you've got running about travel for your DD.
Anything like this should be off-limits- you can't afford it.

Jaunts like that for pleasure should be funded by your DD who needs to get some part time work. Your income doesn't stretch that far and it's mad if you're hard up to be funding that.

The same is true of the children and yet strangely enough you're not suggesting the OP puts them up for adoption. You don't just donate family members because they cost money, especially not when they likely play a supportive role in a special needs household.

Wow, lots to think on. No, £62K plus rent etc etc in the SE is not a lot at all after tax. We have a similar family situation in some ways, 2 DDs one at uni and one unemployed. As am I, though not disabled. DW earns about 85k and we don't have a mortgage (though we do have other loans) - but the cost of living is still astronomical and we come out about even every month. So I can only say, yes, you're not wrong to feel this. This country is scr*d when someone can't support their average sized family on 2x average national wage.

You need to be realistic, very few people are so disabled they can't work, and if your DH is unfortunate enough to be in this position he can claim UC and Pip.
Your DD can't be funded through university, she is going to have to take student loans, if you don't qualify, she can't go.
You also cannot live as if you are a 2 or 3 income family, you should really rehome your pets- you are working all the time , so unless someone else takes complete responsibility for them it is too much to carry, with everything else.
£250 per month power is very large so you need to get on top of that- turn down thermostats, the water temperature, turn lights off etc etc.
You really can't afford 4 bedrooms- you should be able to WFH from the lounge, or dining room.
£150 a week for food is also huge- you need to shop with a list and meal plan, and cut out any takeaways, eating out or ready meals.
Essentially it looks as if you are living a lifestyle you cannot afford- you need to get on top of everything or it will eat you alive. Good luck.

There was a post along these lines a few weeks ago. It’s a good salary on paper but not to support a family and cost of living, particularly in areas with high property prices. I earn similar and only have myself and I’ve no idea how you manage for 4 people!

Take a deep breath op.

First, you are like a superhero to all of them and probably to a lot whom just read your post. You are doing above what everyone should be able have to deal with at once. It is perfectly normal for you to feel like this.

Find help!
there must be org which can help with early dementia or elderly having to go to hospital. If they re not in a place that it is unsafe or not secure for them, use the orgs.

Your DD1 will find a job. It is a matter of when and not if. It is tough out there.

Look already (if you haven’t, but I doubt it) all you can do to help DC2 to get as autonomous as possible. If anything happens to you? Did you do a will?

and mostly. Preserve yourself. You won’t do anyone any good by running yourself down.

Good luck 🌺

You'd think, wouldn't you? I'm disabled and had to stop working a few months ago. As my DH earns 40k, I'm not entitled to anything other than my £400 a month PIP. The DWP class us as one household, not as separate human beings, so his one income has to support our whole family and we are REALLY struggling.

My PIP, which is supposed to be solely to help with my disabilities, doesn't even cover half our rent. Not being able to contribute is dehumanising enough as it is, but having to completely rely on DH is just shit.

I'm losing out on care, therapy, medical equipment etc because every penny of my PIP is going on rent. If DH was financially abusive, like some husbands, and expected me to pay 50% of all bills, I'd be fucked. We're already fucked.