Good salary- no money - struggling to afford everything!

[Boxingshibes]

This is mainly a vent- so please be gentle
I work ft in a full on role.
I have to travel for work at short notice so would find it difficult to get a 2nd job.
I make £62k which sounds loads
But this is to support 4 people. Myself
Dh is disabled and unable to work.
2 teenagers. Dd1 is looking for any work but not found anything.
Dd2 is autistic and agoraphobic.
We also have 2 dogs and 2 cats.
We rent in the SE. Our rent is going up by £100 to £1800 next month.
Next years council tax is almost £3k.
Gas and electricity is about £250
Food is about £150 a week.
Everything just keeps going up.

We may have to pay for dd1s college next year then there will be uni which we can't afford.

Dh will progressively get worse. Dd2 will possibly not be able to leave home. My df is in and out of hospital at the moment and dm is showing signs of dementia.

I just want to run away.

Could DH nap on one of the girls rooms instead?

Yes a benefit check would be a good idea and also seeing if he could claim Contributions based ESA which would safeguard some income of his own if Op's earnings rose or for when the kids drop off a UC claim. It's not really clear if either are still in formal education currently.

The local authority has a legal responsibility to provide a young person of statutory school age with an education. A school cannot off roll. I know you are snowed under but if you get in touch with IASS in your local authority they should be able to support you. Or maybe your DH can support by doing this . I earn similar as a single parent and it is tough. Your rent is huge.

I am not surprised you are struggling, your rent and council tax are horrific. So many people are now hammered by just these two bills and then factor in the horrendous cost of food and fuel. I haven't got anything helpful to say, i wish I did. I live alone in a Band A so get 25% off and still have to find £135 a month with the latest increase, my poor neighbours who are a young couple with 3 under 5 are now paying £177 a month, it is bloody robbery and just add to the ever increasing burden on people who already have their backs against the wall financially. I sometimes wonder how it will all end as people cannot go on much longer with these ever increasing costs

DD2, or someone as her appointee, should apply for PIP.

Also look at UC.

Does DD2 have an EHCP? If so, you need an early review. On their website, IPSEA has a model letter you can use. If she doesn’t have an EHCP, you should request an EHCNA. IPSEA also has a model letter you can use. This can provide education and therapeutic input.

Section 19 provision mentioned by a previous poster only applies to compulsory school age pupils or 6 weeks before they cease to be CSA in the case of those who do not have any relevant exams to complete. While LAs have to the power to provide alternative provision for DC who are not CSA, they don’t have to so they rarely do. As DD is 16, she is either not compulsory school age or very shortly won’t be. So your focus might be better spent elsewhere such as on an EHCP.

Thanks I'll look at getting EHCP. Dd2 is currently repeating y10- they should be in y11. So need to still do their Gcses. They should be doing them this May but the last school was such a shit show that they were in the special needs room the whole time.

Once you have done the other things such as PIP, make a credits only New Style ESA claim for DD2. Some disabled young people in full-time education can still claim UC. This includes those who are in receipt of PIP and have established limited capability for work/limited capability for work and work related activity prior to the start of their course. So you use the credits only claim to establish that whilst DD2 is on her current course. Then when she changes course, some families find they get more if their DC (or their appointee) claims in their own right rather than be on their parents’ claim.

Would DD1? Like to be a detective for met police? They do degree apprenticeships. So she would have no tuition fee and she’d get 36k+ salary?

How much does your DH receive?

In terms of what to do, as obvious as it is, sit and write down every outgoing and see what you can cut down on whether it be food shop, transport costs, takeaways, even if for a short time

You really shouldn't have to do this, but my home workstation is the corner of the living room behind a curtain hanging from the ceiling. I use a background anyway, but it's only cream wall behind me. I also have multiple monitors & a standing desk. Previously I did the same in the bedroom (in a different house with different size rooms).

Hope you find a solution!

I am sorry that your salary has to support so many.
You must realise that your pets are an optional luxury.
How much do they cost you per week?
Can you really afford them?
Surely they have to go. I am sure you and DCs will miss them but. . . . . .

Does your DD have an EHCP? If so they should be paying for EOTAS. Clearly she can't go to school with the way she is but therapy for that would also be in the package and she may be able to work towards it.

I think your DH may be able to claim carer's allowance for DD but best to check it out - my DH can't claim it even though DS gets DLA because he's retired.

Also it seems none of you need to be in the SE, as you are the only one working and you work from home. Again, you shouldn't have to move, but housing and transport is the biggest cost of all, if you can cut down on that, it is fantastic.

Your eldest might find different job opportunities elsewhere and your youngest may get better support in a different area.

Or do you need to stay in your location due to parents?

My parents live locally. We moved here 3 years ago as they are now in their 80s and I'm an only child. We can't move until they die.
I also train in companies across the south of England.

Honestly why do people suggest giving up much loved pets ? They were likely taken on when op's dh was well and working. Most people see pets as one of their family. I would rather live on baked beans on toast forever than give up my pets. These pets could be a huge source of comfort to the disabled members of the household too. Awful to suggest they are a luxury that op could do without.

Hi op, that sounds really stressful and it also sounds like you are the cog that's keeping everything turning which is a lot of pressure.

I would try to get an appointment with citizens advice or similar to see if they can help you with applying for PIP for your Dd2 and making sure you're getting all the financial support you're entitled to. I would also ask if there are any grants they could help you apply for that would help with the cost of moving. There's a number of grants available but you'd need a support worker of some type to make the application on your behalf. If citizens advice can't do it then perhaps the likes of shelter given that your current rent is unsustainable. A move to cheaper accommodation is probably a good shout.

I'm really loathe to suggest it because they're part of the family but the other option is looking at rehoming some/ all of the pets. I fully get why you might be very reluctant to do so and I personally would see it as a last resort if you're really at your wits end.

My wfh station is my kitchen table and kitchen is out of bounds when I'm on confidential call. Same for everyone else in my organisation. Do you really need a room specifically for this?

Regardless of what actions you take I think one thing you should definitely do is look at where in your week you can carve out time for self care. Whether it's a walk somewhere peaceful/ painting your nails/ having a bath with noise cancelling headphones on... you are looking after a lot of people and you need to find ways to refill your cup. Do you or dh have any family who could pitch in? Where are your support networks based?

The pets cost about £150 a month for 2 dogs and 2 cats so not too much. The dogs are 8 and cats are 2. They are part of the family. I'd rather cut down my meals than get rid of them.

Some people don’t understand that pets are a part of the family and they are like our own DC. Ignore the thick people, OP.

But apprenticeships are only any good if you know what you want to do. Ans the few that exist are so in demand that you REALLY need to know what you want to do to even get a chance of getting one.

it isn’t that straightforward

Try going to Citizens Advice. They will work out exactly what you’re entitled to and might be able to help point you to grants etc.

What course will your DD1 be doing at college? Just trying to ascertain if Uni is really necessary, so many get degrees these days that are completely unnecessary, setting students and families up with lots of debt.

I think some children think they have to go to Uni, when really, you can have very successful and well paid careers without it.

At the end of the day, if she really must go to Uni, if you can't afford to pay for it, she'll have to work, like many students do whilst studying. Including working during school and college holidays and part time during term time to start saving herself for preparation for Uni.

I agree with this though I don't know anything about it, but surely your DD is entitled by law to have a free education?

I'd be fighting the LA on that one. If you happen to have legal cover on your house insurance, get a solicitor involved.

Good for you. Pets are good for your mental health and bring joy to your home.

Your life is stressful enough without having to give up your pets.

Some people are just ignorant. Pay no heed x

Oh catch a grip! Are they allowed no joy in their lives?!

1800 a month in rwnt us ludicrous.

Would u not consider moving

Even for a drop in Salary moving somewhere cheaper yiu woykd pay less rent ir look to buy