Mother’s Day - dads help for 13 year old

[chtgk]

AIBU to expect husband, father of a 13 year old to ensure mothers say stuff is done?

This means making sure during the week; oh child have you got mum something, do you need me to take you somewhere, don’t forget it’s mother day etc etc?

I just messaged my 13 year old to say she a dad taking you to the shop and he replied to state that he had said that it is his problem? What?! Excuse me?

1. problem - this isn’t a ‘problem’ or at least it shouldn’t be

2. how hard is it to just day ok 13 year old hop in the car. Let’s go to the shops!?

Am I safe to assume every other 13 year old child on Mumsnet has had some input from their father to ensure mum has something sorted for Mother’s Day?

AIBU to be in a massive pissy now, not with my 13 year old, but with their father?! And the father cannot see why this isn’t his fault and he is getting the blame.

please Mumsnet enlighten me if I am being unreasonable?

You are NOT being unreasonable. Make sure you take the same stance on Fathers Day.

Is your 13 year old able to get to a shop independently? If so then at 13 he should be more than capable of sorting a Mother’s Day card himself.

do you live in the middle of nowhere? has your DH always done this? What is it like for Christmas and your birthday?

Do you remind the 13yo about things for your husband? if yes: stop it. Drop the rope.

And if you're disappointed that your 13yo didn't make an effort - he is old enough - then you are allowed to let him know that.

Yanbu. Just checking to see if they need any help with getting a card or something, it’s not hard.
I was in town earlier and bumped into dh and ds who were hiding bags behind them, ds is 13 and I heard him asking his older sisters the other day if they were all going to make me breakfast together.

Are you somewhere impossible to get to a shop without parental support? I mean at 13 they can sort it themselves, he could make you a homemade card easily.

Does the 13 year old have access to their own money? Can they walk or bus to a shop independently? I'd expect a 13yo to manage to acquire a card and a box of chocs all by themselves to be honest.
Surely you've had 12 years to ascertain whether dad is useless or just expecting a teenager to use their own brain...

It takes 2 minutes to make a card out of a piece of A4 paper, or an old envelope out of the recycling!
Nip to the shops for a £1 bunch of daffs.

Yes Dh should've prompted earlier in the week.

Are you still with the Dad or are we discussing an ex?

I'd expect a 13yr old to be able to sort a card and gift by themselves. I definitely didn't have any input from adults to sort birthday, Xmas, mothers day etc gifts.

I’m not expecting their father to get involved at all for my same age girls. They know it’s mother day themselves. That said I’m assuming you live somewhere with no public transport and nothing within a few miles for walk/bike and that’s why she would need a lift?

Noted thank you I will also do something last minute.

My ex helps the kids organise Mother’s Day, they remind him they need to go to a shop or use his Amazon account so nothing shows up on mine. I do the same for him. It’s a 10 minute job.

He can get to the shop but the thing is heavy and cumbersome so would need adult assistance.

I need to think about this. Husband is saying that he has been asking this week what 13 Y old is doing and has been met with no response. Game of blame ping pong has ensued.

in a town so able to get to a shop but would probably be unreasonable to expect them to carry on their own due to weight / size.

Previous years have been ok and not particularly potable as I can’t recall a previous issue.

So this is a specific gift that you’ve specified, that is large/heavy/cumbersome?

Always ask for a made card. The card is not the issue.

Yes all together as a family.

What on earth are they carrying?
I've taken young children to the shop who have been able to carry a box of chocolates/bunch of flowers for mum.

Carry what? That implies there is a gift that has been bought? You’re not suggesting your 13 year old can’t carry a card and a bunch of flowers surely?

What are you saying here op? That you have requested something and it’s too big to carry?

There have been a few messages like this and I am now coming down from my initial tantrum wondering if perhaps I’ve been too hard on husband.

Has own money, freedom to walk or bike. This year the item is heavier than just say a candle or flowers and I’d expect that they would need a hand from dad to help carry.

At 13 they should be able to sort out a card at least. Depending on how much money they have, then either a bar or a box of chocolates isn't complicated to buy.

But it would be nice if the other parent prompted them during the week and made sure they had enough money or gave them a bit extra as appropriate.