Mother’s Day - dads help for 13 year old

[chtgk]

AIBU to expect husband, father of a 13 year old to ensure mothers say stuff is done?

This means making sure during the week; oh child have you got mum something, do you need me to take you somewhere, don’t forget it’s mother day etc etc?

I just messaged my 13 year old to say she a dad taking you to the shop and he replied to state that he had said that it is his problem? What?! Excuse me?

1. problem - this isn’t a ‘problem’ or at least it shouldn’t be

2. how hard is it to just day ok 13 year old hop in the car. Let’s go to the shops!?

Am I safe to assume every other 13 year old child on Mumsnet has had some input from their father to ensure mum has something sorted for Mother’s Day?

AIBU to be in a massive pissy now, not with my 13 year old, but with their father?! And the father cannot see why this isn’t his fault and he is getting the blame.

please Mumsnet enlighten me if I am being unreasonable?

You should have already raised your 13 year old to think about his parents and buy them a card without being prompted once or twice a year.

This is one of the funniest mother's day threads I've read so far this year.

Gosh a sewing machine is a big present for mothers day!

Hand on heart I can honestly say that after the age of about 10, my dad never had to get involved in what I made or bought my mum for Mother's Day.

He would've helped if I needed it (although can't think why I would), but yes he might've got a bit grumpy if I'd left it until the day before.

I've got a very very very large bar of chocolate. (I peeked in the bag he left in the hall).

I am very much looking forward to it, but Iwill look suitable surprised when I get it 😁

Oh my. My 13 year old is just back from school Spanish trip and has hidden something she got for me there 🥰 and made a card before she left. Older DS, on the other hand, has been given £10 in case he wants to get me something, co op is at the end of the street, hasn’t managed it yet but I’m hopeful daffodils and a card will have been procured by bedtime (fully expecting the change to go on chewing gum…). No DH to help here as widowed, but 13 is fine to sort normal level Mother’s Day gifts. In face I was helping my dad sort my mum’s birthday present from him by that age haha. Yours sounds more birthday present level to me but I guess we are all different!

I knew I’d be humbled if I was being unreasonable and thank you Mumsnet for opening my eyes. I got sucked into the commercialisation of Mother’s Day and lost sight of the meaning as mentioned. Card and daffodils, absolutely not beyond the realms of possibility for a 13 year old.

instead we are all left feeling like rubbish and I genuinely wish I hadn’t have bothered to make a fuss.

hands up. Lesson learned.

I’ll be grateful for the card in the morning ans maybe will even apologise to DH later.

Surely a 13 year old can buy a bunch of daffs and a card on their own?
Edit: Sorry just saw your update.

This entire thread makes no sense.

A 13yo shouldn't need guidance from a parent to buy a card and a present for their mum. And if they need help (ie. a lift) then all they need to do is ask. Dad shouldn't need to prompt.

At least you've acknowledged your unreasonableness with grace and good humour OP.

The penny dropped! Please tell me that the 13 to hasn't had to use their own money

I am so confused by this post. No I would not expect a 13 year old to choose, purchase and transport a sewing machine from a shop. A bunch of flowers or chocs (if given some cash or has access to own money) and a card, yes. I would assume your husband has bought this and therefore will arrange delivery or collect himself. Has he bought it but expecting child to collect it from somewhere? Are they just assuming you wanted to order one specifically and are just planning to give you a card and breakfast in bed? I wouldn’t want to order you the wrong one if I was paying. Plus the element of surprise is gone since you’ve asked for it.

And we all live happily ever after.

The end.

except, on Mumsnet I very much doubt this is the end.

At 13 I'd expect your DC to manage it themselves. Unless they are physically unable to get to shops ie living rurally, or if they don't have their own money then pocket money should be provided. But 13 should be doing the thinking and organising and saying dad csn you please drive me to x.
And tbh, unless it is perishable then they should have sorted it before Saturday.

You definitely owe your husband an apology. The most expensive gift I've ever heard any mother getting for Mother's Day was a Spa treatment, paid between 3 adult children, in addition to lunch and flowers.

No way you should be expecting a sewing machine from a 13 year old. Not even for Christmas or birthday.

Presumably you requested this?
Imo mothers day gifts should be small and chosen by the giver.
Flowers, plants, chocolates, cakes, book etc.
Telling them to buy a specific gift that an adult has to organise, pay for and collect seems pretty pointless. It's supposed to be about encouraging thoughtfulness and gratitude, this does neither.

I'm a single parent so my dc have been doing mothers day for me forever. Back from when they were small enough to make tea with hot water because they weren't allowed to use the kettle and I had bread and marg because they weren't allowed to use the toaster 🤣

I used to give them money and wait while they went shopping and they would buy me things like cereal and a new bowl, or stickers.

When the oldest hit about 11/12 then they took it upon themselves to do crafts, or do a bit of gardening for the neighbours to get a few flowers.

What I'm saying is that kids learn lessons early on, so you should probably have a think about what you're teaching your child - Large ask for a gift, then falling out with their dad because he hasn't organised it properly. You've taken all the joy out of gift giving, and it all seems very transactional rather than thoughtful.

My mid teen organised a city trip after school with friends herself and I’m pretty sure has got me some chocolates which is the level of present I’d expect for Mother’s Day.

Having said that DH has booked a surprise (as in venue - I know we’re going somewhere) lunch for me, the kids and my parents as an extra treat to say thanks to me and my mum so I don’t think you’re totally unreasonable to expect DH to have some thought / input.

My 10 year old went to the shop by herself with her own money and got me a card and present and even wrapped it all on her own without any input form me or her dad. So yes I’d fully expect a 13 year old to do the same.

Don’t you have Amazon where you live? I wouldn’t expect such an expensive gift for MD.

I’ll be happy with a card and tulips which is what my kids get every year. That’s a realistic budget to save from their own money and as we live near the shops (got to love living in the suburbs), they go out on their own.

If you see MD as a thank you from your h for being the mother of his children then having him order online would be fine but it sounds like your h doesn’t see the day like that.

I have no Mother’s Day cards to open from my 2 adult dc.
I live too far away for a visit tomorrow. They’ll probably ring me.
Dd will says let’s do lunch when I see you and ds will thrust a card at me on my next visit.
I don’t mind. They’re excellent adults and have never caused me much worry which is what matters most.

Golly, we shall have fog by teatime.

I just messaged my 13 year old to say she a dad taking you to the shop and he replied to state that he had said that it is his problem?

I can't understand this paragraph. It's unclear what has happened, did you demand that your child buys you a sewing machine? Or tell your husband you want it? Who's paying for it?

I daren’t ask about dinner arrangements for tomorrow 🤣

I’m an adult and I still get my mam a card and some tulips for Mother’s Day. I’ve requested some Muller Rice from my kid. But I will spend almost the whole day with both my mam and my kids and that’s what it’s all about.

Nice to see an OP be contrite and humble