Mother’s Day - dads help for 13 year old

[chtgk]

AIBU to expect husband, father of a 13 year old to ensure mothers say stuff is done?

This means making sure during the week; oh child have you got mum something, do you need me to take you somewhere, don’t forget it’s mother day etc etc?

I just messaged my 13 year old to say she a dad taking you to the shop and he replied to state that he had said that it is his problem? What?! Excuse me?

1. problem - this isn’t a ‘problem’ or at least it shouldn’t be

2. how hard is it to just day ok 13 year old hop in the car. Let’s go to the shops!?

Am I safe to assume every other 13 year old child on Mumsnet has had some input from their father to ensure mum has something sorted for Mother’s Day?

AIBU to be in a massive pissy now, not with my 13 year old, but with their father?! And the father cannot see why this isn’t his fault and he is getting the blame.

please Mumsnet enlighten me if I am being unreasonable?

I doubt whether he gives a toss about Fathers Fay.

You’ve bought yourself a sewing machine. Why the drama?

@chtgk am I reading this right?? is ds buying you a sewing machine??? bloody hell, are you giving him the money because I certainly would never have expected my kids to buy me a sewing machine! do you really mean a packet of sewing needles and some reels of thread??

While I think it's reasonable to expect a 13 year old to take the lead in arrangements for Mothers Day, I also think that dad needs to take some responsibility for coaching them and setting expectations. It sounds like your DP has done that to a degree but when he saw that they hadn't followed through then I do think it was on him to rescue them and reiterate the importance of putting the effort in to celebrating their mum.

I don't think there needs to be a big fuss for Mother's Day but I do believe that it's an ongoing job for husbands/partners to make sure that their children grow up understanding that their mothers are real people and deserving of care and attention!

Well yes to all of the ‘a 13 year old can sort it themselves’ etc.

But the non-helping just isn’t a very nice attitude, is it? DH has taken both of mine on separate little trips this week because helping others in your household out is just what you do…

You say he has his own money and you are expecting him to spend hundreds on a sewing machine for you? A 13 year old? I’m guessing he has saved money from Christmas and Birthdays but that shouldn’t go on a sewing machine for you. That’s waaaaay too much.

I used to love going home on the bus on Saturday before Mother's Day, there used to be lots of tough looking boys trying to hide boxes of Roses or whatever when they saw their friends, who were doing exactly the same thing!

It's pathetic they can't sort this between them - neither has an excuse. It's Mother's Day, so you shouldn't be having to organise it on any level. Your boy should have enough nouse and respect for you to sort it. Your husband should be pulling your son up on his poor behaviour, if he hasn't done what he's supposed to.

If there's no card / gift / plan / effort tomorrow, I'd be taking myself off out somewhere nice for the day, and leave them to get on with it x

Your dh should prompt at this age, maybe ask if they need help, but at 13 capable of sorting something out themselves.

I always tell my DC not to get me anything.

I’ll buy a box of chocs and get a takeaway for us as a treat because I’d much rather celebrate it together, than have my DC waste their money on me.

The shops try and make you feel like it should be this big event where you need to spend lots of money etc but it doesn’t need to be like that at all.

Checking out if this thread now. It has been helpful to put things into perspective. I am usually so low key and I have surprised myself at how I’ve got swept up by this.

This thread demonstrates in spectacular fashion how the whole concept of 'Mother's Day' has for some women descended into a ridiculous farce.

If your 13 year old is capable of getting themselves to secondary school and attending every day, they are capable of organising you a Mothers Day gift without your DH’s input.

You are not your DH’s mum, I’m not sure why you are cross with him to be honest.

A sewing machine is a ridiculously lavish present to expect your DC to organise for you for Mothers Day; that’s not really on, and you shouldn’t have asked for that. A card and flowers or chocolates would have been fine.

I do agree with this but the OP is expecting her 13 yo to buy her a sewing machine. A card and some chocolates/daffodils yes, but a sewing machine?

That's some massive sweep up!

In an ideal world, I'd like a bar of dairy milk and a sheet of A4 folded in quarters and scribled on.

One teen is away with the army. The other is home. Neither has spent money off their cards in 2w.

I reminded DH 3x to send a card to his mum. Especially as he forgot her birthday earlier this month.

I have zero expectations for tomorrow.

You asked for a sewing machine???

Christ, I think some flowers and/or chocolates and a card would be more appropriate for a kid of 13.

My son always helps his kids to get something for their mum (although he and she split years ago), even though she doesn't always bother to do anything for him.

I should add that my own AC always get me something - chocolates, flowers, afternoon tea somewhere, or an ornament. I've never, ever asked for anything and have always been grateful for anything I've been given.

No, by 13 I’d expect my child to be sorting it herself (maybe with a reminder to do so). My 12 year old went to the shop over a week ago to get me a card and a gift and has sorted it herself for the past two years (though did ask her older sister to go with her the first time), no input from dad needed

I was a single mum from when mine were 11 and 7. I got homemade cards. Chocolate bars from the corner shop. Small gifts from a charity sale at their school. As they grew up I got slightly bigger gifts. But nothing extravagant. I think some years one of their dads might have nudged them? But I gave pocket money each week and they usually remembered to put something aside. It’s actually nicer I think when you know they chose it themselves.

Not many 13 year old boys are expected to produce a sewing machine.

The thread took an odd turn if you haven't read the updates.

Think it’s best not to.

I know you said you’re checking out of this thread, but I’m somewhat flabbergasted that you’ve got upset about the arrangements for picking up your Mother’s Day present that’s a sewing machine!

Normally a bunch of flowers or box of chocolates is the type of gift.

You certainly have high expectations.

I have to agree.