Mother’s Day - dads help for 13 year old

[chtgk]

AIBU to expect husband, father of a 13 year old to ensure mothers say stuff is done?

This means making sure during the week; oh child have you got mum something, do you need me to take you somewhere, don’t forget it’s mother day etc etc?

I just messaged my 13 year old to say she a dad taking you to the shop and he replied to state that he had said that it is his problem? What?! Excuse me?

1. problem - this isn’t a ‘problem’ or at least it shouldn’t be

2. how hard is it to just day ok 13 year old hop in the car. Let’s go to the shops!?

Am I safe to assume every other 13 year old child on Mumsnet has had some input from their father to ensure mum has something sorted for Mother’s Day?

AIBU to be in a massive pissy now, not with my 13 year old, but with their father?! And the father cannot see why this isn’t his fault and he is getting the blame.

please Mumsnet enlighten me if I am being unreasonable?

@arethereanyleftatallIts a heavy craft related item that is cumbersome and a bit heavier than I’d expect them to sort by carrying on their bike.

I'd expect a 13 year old to be able to sort it out independently if they are able to walk to the shops alone.

I'm confused about what couldn't be carried alone? chocolates, flowers etc are all easy to carry.

Stop being so mysterious, what is the thing?

Money not an issue. Card always made and is thoughtful.

I think the issue is the response from husband so defensive.

How do you know what your present is already?

Sewing machine z

Op. Your thread is all over the place bevause no one knew from your op that it involved a heavy item. Who ordered said item? Whose idea was said item? Who knew about said item?

I think it’s unreasonable to insist on a specific gift from a child old enough to choose something themselves, especially when what you’ve chosen is not something they can actually get themselves.

Just seen it’s a sewing machine - has the 13 year old paid for this? That seems a lot to expect them to spend. But if not, then they haven’t chosen it, paid for it, or transported it - so you may as well just order it yourself.

You are a family unit though. It would be nice if he did.

A sewing machine?

That's a bit of a drip feed!

Seems odd to expect a specific and pricey gift from a 13year old tbh.

I honestly thought that dad and child would be going together as a team to make sure mum has the thing that she would really like for mother’s day.

Maybe how I do it is strange, but for me birthdays and christmases - sure, give a list. But Mother’s Day the point is the child chooses something they think you’ll like. It’s often rubbish, but that’s almost the point and they’re super proud of it. Then the gift changes as they mature and that’s the loveliness of it all.

This year the item is heavier than just say a candle or flowers and I’d expect that they would need a hand from dad to help carry.

Then they can say 'Dad, can you come to the shop with me to give me a hand carrying Mum's present,' can't they? At thirteen they should be capable of sorting it.

Yes I think this is the first year where there was just a thing that I’d really like and stated a specific thing. I shouldn’t have done that and left the thing to the child and been happy with whatever amount of effort try chose to make.

I think expecting a large gift for mothers day is a bit much. It isn't Christmas or your birthday.

Wtf? A sewing machine is not a Mother’s Day present - definitely not from a 13yo. Where is he expected to have got the money to buy a sewing machine?!

Sewing machines are what £200 minimum? So this isn’t a gift a 13 ye old would buy with their pocket money/earned money.

Why are you expecting a child to buy you a sewing machine for mothers day? It isn't your birthday. Bizarre.

A sewing machine???!! From a 13 yo?

How times have changed since my DCs were that age.

It is absolutely your DHs responsibility to ensure that the child (especially a scatty brain teen) is prepared for Mother’s Day.

However, it depends on how much DH has pushed.
He can only do so much without just buying something himself which defeats the object.

He should be pushing/encouraging a bit but also teaching DC responsibility.

I would say a 13yo needs to be reminded whilst at the shop though.

I’m confused about the sewing machine though.

Did you pick this out yourself?
If so, it’s not a Mother’s Day present and there’s no point DC or DH picking it up, when you can just get it yourself.

I would expect some chocs or flowers at the most if it came directly from DC.

How on earth do you get a sewing machine for Mother's Day? That's insane and obviously nothing to do with the kids? The whole point is the kids think of their mothers? I'll probably get a magazine/bar of chocolate etc and will be delighted as the kids have gone out themselves, thought about me and spent their money.

A sewing machine is none of that and just you getting a sewing machine

A sewing machine! What on earth do you expect from them for Christmas?

Presumably the 13yo hasn't bought this with their own money & you prompted the purchase. It's not really in the spirit of mother's day.

If I get a card and a bunch of daffodils tomorrow I’ll be delighted

I have been on team OP up until this point.

You are turning it more into a birthday.

I actually don't really agree with mother's day or father's day, it's got out of hand and is more about the card resellers. But a SMALL pocket money gift - flowers, chocolate etc is fine. But specifying a much more expensive present becomes more about you wanting stuff than them showing appreciation.