Husband upset with me for 'forgetting' european father's day.

[Joopy]

The context - We have lived in the Uk for many years and not celebrated european mother's day or father's day. He is European but I am British and we did used to live in his country. He's been off with me since Wednesday and just let me know tonight that he's disappointed in me for not acknowledging his special day.

My response was sorry BUT we don't normally celebrate this so why would I now after 10 years suddenly realise that he wants me to organise a celebration for him?.....I do always make a fuss of him on uk father's day, gift, special day out.

Am I the worst wife ever? Should I cancel mother's day?

As he's Italian tell him "when in Rome".

@EasterIssland
Definitely not in Poland. It’s always celebrated on 23rd June. There is an extremist pro life organisation, which has been trying to move it to 19th March but so far it hasn’t happened.

He is being very unreasonable. I guess he is upset about something and has used this childish technique to let it out on you.

On the side note, there isnt such thing as European Mothers Day. From looking it up most European countries celebrate in in May, but not all.

He’s being an idiot I’m afraid. My DH is from a country where they have different dates for these things and has siblings in different places too. We all celebrate the dates where we live. His sibling might send him a text on the day of the country where they live and obviously he’d call his mother etc but no expectation that we celebrate here too.
Is he jealous that it’s Mother’s Day coming up and time will be spent appreciating you?

I wondered this. Part of the script (at the thin end of the wedge) is picking holes over stuff that is, ordinarily, of no consequence. It's to destabilise the woman and start to paint the man as her victim in a mild form.

I would be concerned that this will escalate as he further detaches and gets one foot out of the door.

When they start moaning about non issues like this, the glue between you is dissolving basically. It's often followed by them using terms and phrases you have never heard from them before and it gradually becomes clear they are being influenced by something or someone. Another woman, a 'friend', Andrew Tate, something that is not the friend of the relationship basically.

Quite why they do this instead of actually saying how they feel like an actual adult is for them to know and none of us to find out. I suspect it is due to cowardice. They don't want to be seen as the 'breaker' as they are desperate to hang on to their 'nice person' persona when it's OK to not be feeling it any more if that is the case. It's not OK to wreck others in the process.

Also, probably no other country is so card obcessed as UK. My country celebrates Mothers day but theres hardly any cards.
Also there isnt this UK protocol /fro what I read on here / that you need to spend that day with your mother and take her out for a meal. Every contry has different traditions and not everywhere its so commercial

Did he wear red, go to Mass, carry blessed fava beans, create an altar or buy a homeless person a doughnut?

If not, he did it wrong.

He's spoiling for a fight so he can forget Mother's Day. Dear god you can't have anything.

And he is not your father so he will have to wait until the DC are old enough to celebrate his preferred Father's Day.

Not sure which european country has fathers day in March.
in most countries on the continent, mothers day is always the last Sunday of May and fathers day sometime in June date changes all the time.

so he needs to fet over himself.

i live in a country in which mothers day is this week end but I texted my mum and told her that my sisters and I will celebrate at the end of May - one of my sister lives in france.

so she knows!

Mother’s Day isn’t uniformly celebrated in the UK though… For a start, there aren’t nearly enough restaurants to cater for every mother and her family on Mother’s Day. I think most people are far more modest in what they do…

I generally find the types who go all out, and expect others to go all out on them, on these days pretty insufferably neurotic, and who suck the joy out of these days with their fussing.

You're missing the point I and others are making. He hasn't forgotten Mothers Day. He wants to ruin it, for some reason!

Because he can't be arsed? Because something else is going on in the relationship, ie he's checking out of it, he's done something he knows is unacceptable and is trying to set the OP up as the person damaging the relationship ....

These are all classics out of the arsehole husband playbook.

It was the Feast of St Joseph/San Guiseppe on the 19th - as the legal father of Jesus, that's where the Father's Day idea comes in for Italy, Malta and Sicily (probably some others, but have no idea/can be faffed with checking).

Yes, agree with all that. My point was in response to posts that suggest bus actions were because he’d forgotten to arrange something.

He’s looking for a fight or reason for something else he’s done. I would call him out on it.

@WiddlinDiddlinagree with you! It’s clear as day he is engineered this situation. If I were op, I would confront him with it. Say in 10 years this hasn’t mattered, so why this year is it an issue because you want to know. If he denies or deflects then say you are very suspicious of the fact that 10years it has been fine.

He’s still sulking days later? What a tool.

That.

defo Intended to not have to celebrate op today 👀

I have the answer for you. The cards aren't in the shops until June in this country. Job done.

Yes he’s being unreasonable.
when we lived abroad we celebrated on the European dates. When we live in UK we celebrate on the British dates.
the kids do stuff at school and their clubs so it makes sense for the children doesn’t it?

He needs to get a grip.

I’d find it really hard to take him seriously, and would have already asked him what the hell is going on. As there’s obviously something.

I’m really interested to see an update from OP… I hope you’re okay.

What happened on Mother’s Day op? Did he get to do the stroppy sulk he’d set up for himself?

What a baby!

Well of course this works today - but back in the 1990s when MIL got very offended by us forgetting it was really hard to keep track.

Sorry to point this out but he's not your father, it isn't husbands day. Do you have children? As you didn't mention any.