Husband upset with me for 'forgetting' european father's day.

[Joopy]

The context - We have lived in the Uk for many years and not celebrated european mother's day or father's day. He is European but I am British and we did used to live in his country. He's been off with me since Wednesday and just let me know tonight that he's disappointed in me for not acknowledging his special day.

My response was sorry BUT we don't normally celebrate this so why would I now after 10 years suddenly realise that he wants me to organise a celebration for him?.....I do always make a fuss of him on uk father's day, gift, special day out.

Am I the worst wife ever? Should I cancel mother's day?

He’s the father? He sounds more like a sulky child!

When you move to a new country you adapt to the culture of the new country. Surely that is how integration works! His Father’s Day shifted! What a strange thing to be upset about!

He’s just looking for a reason to kick off. Where I’m from , Mother’s day is on 8th of March(same as international women’s day) , but I never made it a thing bar a passing comment.If I suddenly decided I want it to be a thing, I would let OH and DD know and give them plenty of notice. Not sulk after the fact that something that was never a thing, now suddenly is.

He's not your dad though @Joopy?

If you say you didn't celebrate UK mother's day when you lived in Italy 10 years ago, presuming you actually were a mum at that point surely your dc are old enough to do something about it themselves?

He wants an argument. There could be many reasons.

Mother’s day is tomorrow. Does he hate you having any attention? Or has he not bothered getting you anything with the kids so is trying this so he can say ‘you ignored fathers day so I ignored Mother’s Day?

Or he has another reason for wanting to get into an argument and make you feel bad. No reason is going to be a good one. Does he usually display this sort of behaviour? Makes things up so you feel bad? Twists things until you feel you are in the wrong?

What did he go for you on Italian Mother’s Day, in May last year? Presumably nothing? If so, you should point that out.

Well, I live in an EU country and here Father's Day is in June.

Sounds a lot of faff about nothing. And you do celebrate it in the country you live in, so I don't see the problem.

Is he missing home?

What age are the children?

He sounds extremely petty and is looking for a fight.
Has ignored you since Wednesday? Been off?
Awful behaviour.
Definitely not normal.
Is this awful behaviour in isolation?

That's what I thought immediately, making a good excuse to be a sulky twat and avoid having to do anything special for you.

I bet he went to the shop, they didn't have any MD cards left or any suitable boxes of chocolates, he's forgotten to organise anything else and he thought 'oh shit, now I've got to come up with a reason for not marking Mother's Day in a suitable way.' So he's picked this.
At least it's in context and he hasn't accused you of forgetting to mark International Rabbit Shooting Month or Black Cat Day.

How old are the kids? Unless they are tiny his gripe is with them. He isn't your father.

Most kids need the support to do something. They need an adult to take them to the shop, to give them money to buy something, to sit with them while the make a card.

I take my kids to the shops, I give them a budget, I show them the gifts and cards. I help the wrap the present. I help them make breakfast in bed. My husband isn't my dad but he is the father of my children and he deserve to be appreciated. Besides my kids would be very disappointed if they didn't do something special for their other parent.

So why is it then, that after every mother's day MN is full of whingy women, wailing that their husbands didn't organize anything. They're their wives, not their mothers after all. Works both ways, surely. You either celebrate both, or neither.

He’s looking for a reason to fight with you and possibly ruin your Mother’s Day. Does he have form for gaslighting you?

You obviously didn’t read the OP, they celebrate the U.K. Father’s Day.

Sounds like he's trying to pick a fight for some reason.

Will he expect you to celebrate British Father's Day as well, since you live here?

Which is why their age is important. If they are preschoolers then they obviously can't do father's day without adult help. If they are teenagers then they are quite capable of doing something special without intervention.

OP give him a piece of paper and ask him to list any other dates and events he thinks you now need to celebrate so you can make a note- do it in passing while you are about to leave the room to do something else.
Very PA but he deserves it
Tell him to forget Mother’s Day as it’s very clear it’s out of obligation than warm feelings towards you producing and raising your DCs

Interesting how they differ from locations. In Spain it is the 19th of March, st Joseph’s.

My British parents live in Spain, I send them cards on British mother's and father's day. This year I got it wrong and they had afternoon tea delivered last weekend by mistake. Oops

Do you talk about festive days that you dont celebrate in your family? I mean in a way you are suggesting, ie. what do we do about this XY Day [that is celebrated in Poland /Georgia/Japan that we never celebrate]?

This just cannot be said enough. Who puts up with this trash?

Am I the worst wife ever? Should I cancel mother's day?

You both sound ridiculously over dramatic.
Why would you even ask these questions.

Either you are both normally people who like a drama and these sorts of things are common in your relationship or like @QS90 said he’s trying to start an argument or try and make you feel guilty for some reason.