Husband upset with me for 'forgetting' european father's day.

[Joopy]

The context - We have lived in the Uk for many years and not celebrated european mother's day or father's day. He is European but I am British and we did used to live in his country. He's been off with me since Wednesday and just let me know tonight that he's disappointed in me for not acknowledging his special day.

My response was sorry BUT we don't normally celebrate this so why would I now after 10 years suddenly realise that he wants me to organise a celebration for him?.....I do always make a fuss of him on uk father's day, gift, special day out.

Am I the worst wife ever? Should I cancel mother's day?

@SnemonyLicketaccording to him I have celebrated in the past but it can't be more of a passing comment and sweets or something small and the main focus is in June where I do make a fuss.

No it doesn't and you get no reminders if you live abroad because there are no adverts etc and nobody is talking about it because it isn't Mothers'/Fathers' day where you live so you wouldn't be able to buy a card.

I'm speaking of someone who tried and failed to keep track of Mothers' days in UK, Denmark and Sweden - all of them on different days ranging from March to May.

Sounds like he is spoiling for a fight or has a bit of hidden resentment. Very odd to get so upset about something you have never bother with in 10 years

Exactly this

How ridiculous. If the day is so special why has it been successfully ignored for a decade in your relationship? Fucking fathers day.
My dad or DH couldn't have given a stuff for his own birthday, never mind some congratulatory made up 'event'. For what, ejaculating and not immediately running off into the far distance never to be seen again? Yeah, we're all out of medals?!

Sounds like he’s looking for an excuse to be angry and resentful with you. I’d be checking his phone.

What does he do for you on UK Mothers' Day?

OK I am going to get called all sorts now.....

But be careful OP.

If he hasnt ever bothered about this but now has the hump after ten years, I cant help wondering if he is looking for reasons to be pissed off with you. Just worth thinking about.

Not really to do with this thread, but if you want to track holidays from another country and you use an online calendar, e.g. Google's calendar, you can usually subscribe to a calendar that shows the holidays for a particular country or religion.

Agree with others, there's something else going on here. He's spoiling for a fight, there's something going on with him. Guilty conscience perhaps over something?

He's picking a fight.

Choosing something to get upset with you over.

Something that has not been an issue for years - yet now, somehow, suddenly is.

What else feels wrong, slightly off, now?

The country I'm from has the same father's day as the UK (thankfully), but a different mother's day. It very very easily slips your mind when you don't get the societal reminders in shops etc! As I live in the UK, my mum usually gets my best wishes on one of the days, but not the other, very rarely both, sometimes a week later. She's alright with that.

He needs to get over himself. 100% draw the comparison of not celebrating UK mother's day when living in Italy. Did he even remind his children?

Father's Day - Wikipedia

OK, now I've gone down a research rabbit hole.

Fascinated to learn that Father's Day is celebrated on quite different days around the world and has a long history in many countries!

I had always thought that Father's Day was quite a new tradition invented in the 20th century, because in the UK it basically is. But in many places, it is connected with St. Joseph.

I live in Japan, and me and my British friends all do Mother's Day and Father's Day on the Japanese dates and ignore what people are doing back in the UK. I think it makes sense to follow the customs of the place where you are living. I do send flowers to my mother on the British Mother's Day, of course.

If your husband wants to celebrate European Father's Day on a different date instead, I think that's a valid choice but he needs to discuss this with you civilly, not flounce after the fact. The European (or rather, traditionally Catholic countries?) Father's Day date is not widely known in the UK - I mean, I had no idea until I checked Wikipedia.

He sounds ridiculously silly and immature, besides, he's not your father! What does he do for you for Mother's Day?

"The idea of Father's Day wasn't initially well received in Australia in the 1910s and 1920s. Many thought it was either unnecessary or undermined a father's assumed “supremacy” as head of the household. Newspapers at the time printed satirical poems and critical editorials of the new tradition."

Wikipedia is endlessly fascinating! Why would having Father's Day undermine a father's "supremacy"? Maybe the idea was "EVERY day should be Father's Day"...

Has he forgotten that the UK one is different? I.e. he's spoken to a friend/ family member back in his home country, who's mentioned what they did on father's day and he's just thought 'Joopy didn't do anything' without realising that the father's day you normally mark is 3 months later.

Even so sulking for multiple days without letting you know why he's upset is unfair of him (has he been sulking for over a week or only a couple of days because he himself didn't realise it had been father's day until a week later?).

Maybe it’s European Twat Day tomorrow and she can celebrate him then.

So he wants both? Did he celebrate you on Italian Mothers Day?

"What's he up to?" was my immediate response. What has prompted this unreasonable behaviour? 🤔

Others are right, he's looking for an argument.

Sorry OP, but unless you’ve missed out some key details, there’s very likely to be something much, much bigger underneath this.

There’s no way a man whose had Father’s Day celebrated in June for the past ten years suddenly gets angry you haven’t celebrated a completely different day with no prior notice unless he’s decided he wants an excuse for a fight. It’s a pathetic excuse so he must want to fall out pretty badly.

Either he frequently pulls this kind of shit in different ways and it’s a way to gaslight and dominate you, in which case you need to plan your exit from an emotionally abusive relationship, or he wants to end the relationship because he’s either found another woman or is otherwise wants an out.

So, unless there’s a massive drip feed waiting to be dropped, I’m afraid this seems far bigger than a simple forgotten date, and indicates that your relationship is in very deep, probably irreparable, trouble.

And besides, why are you making such a big fuss of your husband on Fathers Day? He’s not your father! I understand it more if your kids were little, but you’ve seemingly been doing it for years and years.

Also, most normal men don’t actually give a damn about “hallmark” holidays and anniversaries anyway.

This. Plus he’s a knob.

Has anything happened / changed with his own dad recently or over that time? Did he forget to wish his dad a happy Father's Day and is trying to turn the blame on you? Has his dad died / ill / no longer around? Again could he be misdirecting any of his own frustration / anger / guilt at you? Is he missing his home country suddenly or for some reason? How long have you had kids? Did you have them abroad? It feels like something must have prompted this sudden reaction or like others say he has just chosen to pick a fight.

Even if any of those reasons are correct, which I very much doubt, they are absolutely no excuse for the OP’s DH being cross with her, especially not for days.

Germany has "mens day" which is tied into Easter (jesus ?) & the equivalent of fathers day (cause you celebrate men like your father/husband ect.) so I'm as assuming quite a few country's have something similar at least in the Germanic parts (swiss, Austria, Belgium, Dutch ?)