Husband upset with me for 'forgetting' european father's day.

[Joopy]

The context - We have lived in the Uk for many years and not celebrated european mother's day or father's day. He is European but I am British and we did used to live in his country. He's been off with me since Wednesday and just let me know tonight that he's disappointed in me for not acknowledging his special day.

My response was sorry BUT we don't normally celebrate this so why would I now after 10 years suddenly realise that he wants me to organise a celebration for him?.....I do always make a fuss of him on uk father's day, gift, special day out.

Am I the worst wife ever? Should I cancel mother's day?

As an Australian this oddly doesn't suprise me ?

& Nah I can't imagine anybody felt it undermined there supremecy but it sounds alot more respectable then "were poor & I'm already the best"

I think all change is resisted there in the beginning

My DH is also from Italy. We live in another EU country that celebrates fathers on another day. San Giuseppe is actually a religious date in Italy (whilst Mother’s Day isn’t; the opposite to the UK). I made sure son got his dad a card, and we went for dinner. DH doesn’t make a fuss about these things, though.

The hardest thing is ensuring I have the cards; I always have to beg my local card shop in the UK to open up their drawers so I can bulk buy a stash of cards ready for the next year.

Tell him that since Brexit Europe’an days are no longer celebrated ;)

Alternatively tell him to get a bloody grip. “His special day” indeed.

Sounds like he's finding reasons to be an arsehole - getting in a strop and being off with you for days for failing to remember to celebrate something that is a/not a thing in this country and b/not a thing you've celebrated since living here..

Yeah, theres something else going on here, and likely he wants to ruin Mothers Day, this is just the foreplay to that.

I agree he’s looking for a fight. Suggest you say I was talking to a friend and they are as mystified as I am why you are mad I’m not a mind reader and didn’t realise that out of the blue with no prior mention you expected me to celebrate European Father’s Day (wtf even is that) and the only think she came up with actually sounds quite plausible. Have you not done anything for Mother’s Day, realised that’s a bit shit and now made up this reason to be shitty with me to justify that you’re not planning to do anything special for Mother’s Day? So you can make that my fault? I’m just saying, if that’s what’s going on here, then I’m not really sure why you are here. You’re not a prisoner and divorce is common.

Definitely spoiling for a fight.

did your kids do anything? It is of course Father’s Day, not husband day.

Someone could have said something to him, yes he could be looking for a fight but similarly he could be feeling removed from his home and suddenly realised this or has a friend in his situation who gets at least something on both days (sil gets made a bit of a fuss of on the Irish Mother’s Day even though hers is a different day, but that’s because we all talk about the Irish one on WhatsApp a lot)

So basically he’s organised fuck all for you for Mother’s Day (assuming you have kids) and this is his get out clause

is he usually this transparent?

I also missed this was my DHs first father's day. We are currently in his home country but I did not see one single display for it, he did not do or tell me of any plans for his own father, or when it is or that it's different from in the UK.

After threatening a strop and me pointing out what a lovely day he had despite me not knowing what it was, just because we have such a nice life and I am such a great wife, he admitted that it's not really celebrated but saw some guys post what they got on SM.

I honestly don't think he even considered it for more then 5 minutes before or after this

I agree with others that he is wanting to have a fight over something. Any concerns over your relationship in general. He wants a fight so he doesn't have to put any effort or affection into mothers day because he is actually considering pulling back on this relationship for some reason.

What did he say when you pointed out he has not marked European Mother's Day?

Surely this isn’t actually about Father’s Day if you have never celebrated it on this day in the past.

He's starting to create a narrative that you aren’t treating him well.

I don’t buy the idea that this has anything to do with him forgetting to do something for Mother’s Day as,

a) he’s apparently been grumpy about this for days, time in which he could easily have orgnaised something nice even if restaurants were fully booked.

b) even if he wasn’t able to arrange the “perfect” Mother’s Day because her favourite restaurant was all booked up or the bouquet of her favourite flowers was out of stock, to respond this failure to deliver Mother’s Day perfection by ruining it completely by manufacturing a fall-out for such a preposterous reason is ridiculous. It would be like a man planning an perfect romantic proposal to his girlfriend suddenly breaking up with her because it was rainy on the chosen day.

He hasn't done anything for you for mother's day and he's starting this shit, this weekend, so you're bot surprised by his lack of effort or consideration. After all, you missed his special day (that you've never ever celebrated before). Did you get anything for international womans day?

Im confused, he’s your husband not your father? Why would you be doing anything at all?

So for ten years they've not celebrated it, but this year OP, as the woman, should have decided to check that it's still the same?

If he decides it's important to him, he should bring it up in normal conversation. OP isn't a mind reader, not is it her job to anticipate the changes of mind of anyone in her household, just cos she's the woman/mum/wife.

Yeah, you need to point that out to him, sulky man child.

How are you managing to live with a sulking whiny man @Joopy That is the crux of the issue.

How do some of these men get through life? Honestly I'm speechless at some of the posts on MN sometimes and wonder WTF has gone wrong and why does shit like this even register with them and why does it fall on the woman over and over to do something to massage their fragile egos - Jesus!

Denmark holds it on 5th June which is also constitution day.

And I'd be wondering why he's started doing that.

There is no European Father’s Day! Every country seems to do it on a different day, in Germany we have it on the religious holiday Christi Himmelfahrt which is May 29 this year. I agree with other posters, he is just looking for a reason to wrongfoot you, and for this, he is an arse.

So you've lived in the UK for ten years and have celebrated the UK Fathers' Day in June for those ten years, and this year he's sulking that you didn't celebrate it in March, exactly as you haven't celebrated it in March for the last ten years.

You failed to celebrate it on March 19th, he started sulking on Wednesday 26th, a whole week later and just four days before UK Mothers' Day. Interesting timing.

It's almost like he's scouring around for something to justify his already-planned non-celebration of Mothers' Day. Well, not almost - more like 'definitely'.

I'd be wondering what's behind this, because it's not the date of Fathers' Day.

So he’s realised it’s Mother’s Day on Sunday and decided to throw a pre-emptive attention-seeking strop, to get out of paying you attention. There’s something else going on here - why is he suddenly so resentful? Why detaching from you?

So the obvious answer is… detaching, looking elsewhere, making it your fault.

Maybe it's this. However, I'd tell him that if you as a bicultural start celebrating 2 Father's days, you're also going to do 2 Mother's days....