Calling my unborn baby they/them

[Irish24]

I am keeping the gender a surprise and the amount of people that are confused when I refer to the baby as they/them’ is starting to aggravate me. I don’t like referring to them as ‘it’ or just ‘baby’. They/them is a word and has been going around for centuries. It also is a singular pronoun and does not always mean multiple. My friends say they can’t get their head around it. I don’t understand. I know they/them is a controversial topic these days and more people are perhaps finding out the gender. I still don’t find it confusing at all and it never even occurred to me that it would be. Anyone else experienced this or am I being over dramatic here? It’s just tiresome having to constantly explain to people, I don’t know the gender so that’s why I’m calling the baby ‘them/they’

You had a baby before people were referred to as she and he? WOW

This is one of those threads that’s fascinating to me as an American. Over here, it’s generally seen as a little odd or rude to refer to an unborn baby as “it,” and we’re more likely to say “the baby” than “baby.” “I bought this for baby” would strike most Americans as a little twee/cutesy, whereas “I bought this for the baby” would sound matter-of-fact.

There’s not really a natural-sounding way to refer to a specific person of unknown sex. The only issue I see with referring to the baby as a they/them is that some people might be confused about whether you’re having twins. That, or people might wonder if you’re making some conscious choice to raise a “genderless child.” Some ex-friends of my husband’s referred to their unborn baby as “they,” and we figured it was because they didn’t know the sex. Then the baby was born, and we found out it was a little girl, and the mother (though not the father) still referred to this child as they/them. 🙄

I think any way you refer to an unborn baby will sound a little weird to some people. They/them is fine.

100%. “Someone left THEIR bag. I hope THEY come back for it.” It is grammatically correct to say they when the gender is unknown or irrelevant. It’s so funny to me people choose to pretend to struggle with basic literacy as a cover for their bigotry.

Well said @DaphneduMaureen

So people are saying that the baby is going to be non-binary because OP uses "they". What do you think they'd say if it popped out as a girl and OP had been calling them "Bob"?

Because it sounds like you’re having twins. I don’t get the issue with saying “the baby”

What’s the issue with people thinking she’s having twins then being corrected? OP should not have to calibrate every single sentence to serve people who can’t process grammatical nuances.

Not just over dramatic but utterly ridiculous. Sounds like your friends don't want to entertain this.
Call it baby or choose a cute nickname and stop being so pretentious

There is no baby. Pull the other one OP. Any sane person would just refer to the hypothetical baby as ‘the baby’.

I didn't find out with my second but did with my first. I think I would probably have used they/them for both pregnancies in the conversation snippet you have provided. I don't think anyone was ever confused by this. More people were confused that I didn't find out the sex but I liked not knowing and will do the same if I have another.

I called my first Newt and the second The Baby – can’t abide just “baby” without the the – but as both were surprises, also they/them a lot. And It. I’d rather It than Baby.

I don't think there's an issue with "THE baby" being used, I think OP just mentioned "baby" made her cringe, as it does many.

Apparently some people object to 'they', 'them', etc, being used at all... which just doesn't work in a normal conversation. You can't just say "the baby" multiple times, it doesn't flow. Only other thing would be "it", which many are uncomfortable with, me included. I even feel bad referring to a dog as "it" so have to ask the owner if it's a girl or boy before I ask anything else 😳😂

This. Some people might interpret you knowing the sex and keeping it to yourself as a bit precious or erksome.

OP has said many, many, MANY times that she doesn't know the sex.

If nothing else, this thread has proven that:

A. people don't read very well

B. grammar levels have slipped over the years

Cancel the cheque

This. Some people might interpret you knowing the sex and keeping it to yourself as a bit precious or erksome.

That's assuming that Op would be saying to people that she knows but isn't telling .

Wouldn't you just say that you didn't know?

Yes you do! You’ve literally just had dozens of people explain why they find it confusing. So either you’re using your words to communicate or you’re trying to make a point. If you’re choosing your words to communicate and people don’t understand you then logically, you’d change your words. If you’re digging your heels in And blaming people for not understanding you then I suggest you’re trying to make a point.

They is a plural pronoun so when you say "they" people are confused and think your having twins. Just refer to the baby as "baby", they doesn't make sense unless you are a woke, blue haired idiot or a self impressed, champagne socialist.

Completely agree.

I don't find it confusing at all. I also wouldn't like to call my unborn baby 'it'. I'm pretty sure I used they/them until I found out the sexes of my children, then switched to he/she.

What do you think people used to refer to unborn babys as before 5 minutes ago when it was decided by the wokerati that "they" was now a singular pronoun?

They/them is perfectly logical given you don't know although I agree with others that it could be potentially assumed you're carrying twins. Not a big issue to clarify so carry on. I prefer it to some twee nickname personally.

It’s reeeeeally not. If you’d read the thread you would have seen countless examples of referring to a singular person as ‘they’.

Never heard Shakespeare called a "woke, blue haired idiot or a self impressed, champagne socialist."

Personally I can't stand the they/them on people, or in your use for your unborn.

I've never thought it could apply to the singular anyway.

My dictionary says this-

THEM

pronoun
1.
used as the object of a verb or preposition to refer to two or more people or things previously mentioned or easily identified.
"I bathed the kids and read them stories"
2.
archaic
themselves.
"they bethought them of a new expedient"
determinerinformal•dialect
those.
"look at them eyes"