To have this reaction to Netflix’s Adolescence

[Marigoldsold]

This show has really got me and I can’t stop thinking about it.

A show about a murder of a young girl by a young boy.

I have cried over it , I have a little boy myself - I have gone and cuddled him tight after it. The scene at the end , the very last one … I cried like a baby.

What shocked me is that those tears and sadness was for the boy. The murderer.

I don’t think that he didn’t do it , or that the victim deserved it ( obviously ! ) . I don’t think he shouldn’t be in prison etc .

I feel desperately sad that a little boy , who slept with a Teddy , liked drawing and had child’s wallpaper on his walls ended up doing that. That after he did it and his dad knew .. he still reached out to him for comfort. That he was a child .

I think it’s really opened my eyes . We always hear of horrible crimes and pray our child will never be that poor victim and do whatever we can to prevent that. But we never sit and think that actually it could be our child who does that and that is also something we could prevent and should be trying to .

i think it’s the fact the show focused on the murderer rather than the victim and that it wasn’t a child who had been abused and neglected , it wasn’t a child that had had a bad life , it wasn’t a child that was so called “ born evil , it wasn’t a child that had psychotic tendencies or was a ‘ psychopath ‘ .. he was a normal child.

Everything you've said is exactly my take on it too......I've a son too and it reduced me to tears, that last scene is forever etched on my brain

I work in the justice system and DH works in criminal justice mental health with young people. There no excusing the behaviour, but when you set children go to prison it's desperately sad. I've not seen the show yet feels a bit like a busman's holiday, but lots of the people in the system especially the very young ones have often experienced significant trauma and adverse childhood experiences. I don't think that character had from what I've heard, but you're not strange for feeling something for a child OP, whatever they've done.

I feel desperately sad that a little boy , who slept with a Teddy , liked drawing and had child’s wallpaper on his walls ended up doing that. That after he did it and his dad knew .. he still reached out to him for comfort. That he was a child .

You talk about it as if it happened. It was fiction.

Most of the people I've worked with over the last twenty years aren't psychopaths, born evil, irredeemable etc, some of them have done horrific things, it's rare to not be able to connect with them on some level in some way, they are human beings.
In some ways it's easier for people to characterise then as monsters but mostly they're not, they're someone's son, brother, partner, father etc

Not just me then!

I can’t stop thinking about it . It was a powerful scene x

I think it’s this - it showed him as a person , a human and more hard hitting , a child .

Thank you. It felt like an odd reaction but it’s honestly really affected me.

I am aware.

But these things do happen. It’s fiction yes but it symbolises very real situations .

That's my job.
DH was late home last summer because he was in court cells with a 13 year old being remanded (not sentenced) the day before his 14th birthday, he'd stabbed someone and caused horrific injuries, but he sat in that cell sobbing for his mum, DH said he looked so young.
The profile for domestic abuse and knife crime is getting younger, children without the reasoning of adults, influenced by Christ knows who and what with weapons, the consequences are catastrophic and far reaching.

@HouseMouseHouse I think part of the premise of the programme is that it could be your child. If it was a drug riddled psychopath it might not resonate with you so much, but at the beginning of the first episode he looked like a lost bewildered young teen

I’m a primary teacher and eldest DD is a secondary teacher. She’s watched it and said it was really thought provoking. I’m scared to watch it and I’m finding it hard to put into words why. I guess it’s the reality of teaching youngsters and it being a bit too raw, close to the bone.

I think that's the whole point. We never truly know our children and we can give them everything in life, warm home, clean clothes, love etc and they might still do something awful.

When we talk about kids accessing porn, we aren't thinking of our kids. When we talk about misogyny, we aren't thinking of our kids. It challenges people on their "Not My Nigel" views. Because they aren't always nutters, they are our Nigels.

I feel like this every time I hear about an horrific murder.

As a society I think we need to do much more to find out why human beings act so disturbingly. I’m sure the vast majority of time it begins in childhood. (I’m not saying they shouldn’t be punished but the way)

I felt the same OP, I cried for him several times.

It really opened my eyes to the humans behind these crimes as well. The media does a good job portraying teenage offenders as tough yob types who know what they’re doing and want to be murdering/hurting people. Clearly there’s an element of that but it was interesting to see the complexities and beliefs play out.

That must be a very difficult job.

It’s scary , how young they are becoming .

What happens to lead a child to do something like that. It’s easy to say - kids have no discipline , some people are just born evil etc .. but I honestly believe that there are things that could be done to prevent it. The belief that you need to carry a knife with you that comes from outside influences.

There was a stabbing I read about a few years ago . 14 year old victim , 13 year old murderer . The victim had tried to mug the murderer , the murderer got away and called his Dad. The Dad was in the pub, drinking and got in his car to go to his son .. got his son in the car and drove around looking for the victim . I never heard the full details of what actually happened after in the news etc but I know the victim was chased by a group that included the 13 year old murderer and his Dad. He was then stabbed and died in the street.

The 13 year old was charged . But I think to myself , the dad came and got him and took him out looking for him and that surely shows the type of person he was and I think to myself is it any surprise it ended in that way.

I completely agree and I come up against arguments with people close to me about it.

Behaviour is learned , I really believe that.

He’s not a ‘normal’ child. He murdered someone. That is not normal. He stabbed someone repeatedly. Not once, multiple times. Not normal. This was fiction but sadly this happens a lot in real life.

Completely 100% agree !

Same here op and I have a son the same age, it has had the same effect on me after 1 episode

Until that point he was though . That’s what’s sad . It could have been prevented

I felt exactly the same and the final scene had me in floods. I have a toddler DS and baby DD and I’m honestly much more worried about how I turn my son into a good man than about how I protect my daughter. It just feels such an intense responsibility.

Child soldiers of that age carry out horrific acts in troubled African countries. May be something in the teenage brain - empathy not fully developed or a failure to fully appreciate the horror of what they’re doing. Terrifying.

People dont wake up and think im going to stab someone repeatedly. There a whole lot of issues which lead to that. Often not preventable as you don’t know what going on in these people’s minds

Yep, stabbing someone repeatedly isn't normal...

But his parents, his teachers, his friends, his sister, his neighbours... they all thought he was normal. They didn't spot the little red flags.

He wasn't out looking for someone to attack. He didn't have a knife of his own. He wasn't hooked on incel/manosphere culture, watching Andrew Tate back to back and embracing those ideas.

But he was the child of an angry man who didn't know how to relate to different type of boy to the one he'd been.
He was the artistic creative child who couldn't understand why he wasn't the tough nut sports kid.
He was silently observing his Mum being basically good at roast dinners and not a lot else whilst his dad was a hero to most folks, who occasionally got violent and explosively so.
He was certain his Father was ashamed and disappointed in him, that he believed he was weak, ugly and useless, even his friends weren't all that nice to him but thats acceptable as theres really no other choice.
Many of his peers were deeply into the 'manosphere' culture, which had its effect without him ever needing to sit watching incel anti-woman bullshit.
No one was looking at, or understanding the messages these kids were sending each other or the bullying that was being inflicted/recieved.

They're all things that could be happening to your kids or kids you know, to kids you think are 'normal'.

I think it’s harrowing op as it makes us reflect on the role of parenting and how much you could potentially mess up your child (most of us won’t to that extent!). As well as the detrimental effects that our society can have on our children.
Our children come into the world pure and good and then become a product of the environments and society we place them in. Including that of the family.

In Jamie’s case he was up against two things, the toxic online world he inhabited and the influence of his peers in school. As well as the influence and dynamics of his family which I took as his father’s trauma (& anger issues) from being beaten by his own father and the expectations and messages that filtered down to Jamie as a result. And the dynamics and roles between the males in his family and the females. I saw that Jamie’s mum was always trying to keep his dad emotionally regulated. And the sister did too.

The biggest mistake the parents made though in my opinion was allowing Jamie to sit alone in his room until 1am every night online. Do parents actually allow this?! I don’t with my teens. Phones are handed in at 9/9:30 and all computers are shut down. They are asleep by 10:30.