Friend lost to church

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Hello
Changed my username for this. I just need to vent I suppose. Friend of many years says she can no longer be friends with me (and a few others) as we are against her faith. She says she only wants friends who are Christians. I'm baffled by this. I grew up with parents who were Christians (mum more than dad ) and I enjoyed church, and have gone intermittently in my adult years. I really enjoy the volunteering element of church and helping with the projects etc but I've always been clear with everyone that I'm not sure I believe in God. There are a few people at every church I have been to who also share this feeling, it's not uncommon.
The church she goes to is pretty fundamental (no gay people, etc and when I went there once, Trump was mentioned in the sermon and half the people clapped. I'm in the UK btw)
I'm equally sad, baffled and annoyed.
I knowntheres nothing I can really do, but I feel like she is being radicalised!

My stepson is a bit like this...no advice just sympathy

I'd have to get in touch to say you're sorry she feels that way, and that you have concerns about the church and its teachings. If she is familiar with the story of Christ, it's not exactly difficult to see that his teachings are the exact opposite to the hatred spouted by Trump. I'm always really shocked by how people can square their Christian faith with a Trumpean mindset.

This. Send her a link to Mariann Edgar Budde’s sermon.

Standard abuse/cult tactic — cut people off from any external sources of support, companionship, or differing ideas. Oh, they'll try and gussy it up in fancy language and persuasive justifications, but that's what they're doing. Alongside, probably, showering her with attention, love, promises of endless support and a readymade community, and all the other stuff they do to draw (usually vulnerable) people in. IME there's no easy way to get people out when they're in the honeymoon stage, unfortunately.

Unfortunately there isn't anything you can do but it is sad. I also lost a friend to church. Not in quite the same way she just wasn't ever available to see me anymore. It's sad. I think people get consumed by the group and stop looking at anyone else around them.

There isn't a lot you can do unfortunately.
No mainstream Christian faith asks you to cut out others, it sounds quite extreme and cult like.
Organisations like this are very hard to break free from.
She's made her choice, I think you just need to move on without her.

Agreed. This is an excellent response. And one I’d like to see the reply to

I feel like this. Every church I have ever been to has been very 'live and let live'

I will look this up

It feels like a cult. They have a building etc but it's in a place with a lot of vulnerable people, and their services are very OTT , lots of people talking in tongues etc

Thats rough. The rejection and the loss of a friend.

Do you know what she is getting out of this church that she can’t get by continuing your friendship? Is she struggling with all the perceived changes and she is scared about offending people etc..

I think you say that her decision is sad but it is hers to make and that you will be here if she changes her mind. This kind of fundamental church can be deeply destructive. Some years ago for a while we attended one. We left realising the impact it was having. For example, a gay child could be ostracised and shunned. Friends who remained did have such a child who really struggled with his sexuality. For years he was in and out of hospital. Similarly they can ingrain deeply sexist views and abuse of women is quite common. I recall one preacher berating a man for “allowing” his wife to earn more than him. For yourselves steer clear and do not get drawn into this toxic life.

The Christian message is of love and any church that does not abide by this is not genuine!

I knowntheres nothing I can really do, but I feel like she is being radicalised!

Sadly there isn’t, and yes, she is.

I don’t know the sermon recommended by @AstonishedWaiting , but clearly it’s anti-hate common sense so definitely worth sending, but don’t expect it to be well received. She’ll be convinced it’s just a tactic to try to get her to deviate from her ‘true path’.

Sad and frustrating as it is, you probably need to just let the friendship go. She’s already drunk the Koolaid and the hold this ‘church’ has on her will be exponentially more powerful than any appeal to her rational mind.

They might call themselves ‘Christians’ but they are in fact the exact opposite.

There's a course there called "what to do if you're same sex attracted"

Sadly it is probably a cult not a church. Genuine Christianity has absolutely no barrier to friendship with non-Christians - indeed, living your life as a Christian among non-Christians is upheld as a powerful "witness" - a way of showing by example the difference a Christ-filled life can make. If she's being told to cut off all contact with outsiders it's because of fear from the leadership that she might hear a voice of reason and get pulled from their grasp.

You can't take responsibility for rescuing her but you can let her know that you'll be there for her when the dark side of the cult she's in starts to show (they will be love-bombing her and hiding the negatives until she's too enmeshed to leave) and will happily come with her to a different non-culty church if she decides to explore a more loving version of Christianity.

This happened to me and I AM Christian!
My former friend found a very radical ‘church‘ cult, got rebaptised, and cut off everything and everyone associated with her former life, family included.

Once someone has been captured by the anti woke pro trump crew they are a lost cause. Leave her to it and don’t accept her back once the tide turns.

Jesus spent time with all sorts of people considered social outcasts and “spiritually unclean” including tax collectors, lepers, prostitutes, those possessed by demons, Samaritans, adulterers and criminals.

If Jesus was alive today you’d be far more likely to find him with the homeless and drug addicts than in a church.

I lost my best friend from school this way - she was preyed on in a mental hospital when she developed psychosis and refuses to talk about our shared past at all. Everything she does for fun is church based now and she glazes over if I try to talk about anything else and can't seem to engage. It's tough because on one hand I am glad her meds are working and she is stable but it does feel like I am talking to a robot a lot of the time as she just parrots scripture at me and doesn't fully engage with the real world.

That’s not a church, it’s a cult.

There’s a real problem amongst a lot of evangelical churches and certainly the fundamentalist ones. They have basically nothing in common with the liberal Church of England or Roman Catholics. They harbour some very extreme American-inspired ideas. They also ask you to donate huge amounts each month.

Just be there for your friend in the hope she surfaces; sadly she may not. I say this as a practising Christian.