Ex on speakerphone

[FeedThatDog]

I will start with the backstory so as not to drip feed. When I met my husband I was still good friends with my ex who I share a child with. We had been separated 5 years and live at opposite sides of the country so good friends means chatting on the phone regularly, not always about dc, having a coffee at pick up (it’s a long drive so makes sense to have a rest). He was settled with someone else and happy, there was nothing in it but friendship.

My husband found this uncomfortable so I dialled back the contact to just about our child and then as child got older and got a phone I rarely speak to ex at all.

Yesterday I got a phone call from him at a time I would usually be in work. As it happens me and DH had a day off together and he was there when he rang. I answered the phone and EX sounded really upset, he had to leave the call but asked me to call him back soon.

My husband said I should put him on speaker phone when I call him back. He said it’s suspicious that he has rang me when I would be in work when he could have rang at the weekend.

I said I wasn’t comfortable secretly putting him on speaker as he sounded upset and he should be able to speak privately.

My husband insisted and said I was being dodgy and sneaky if I don’t and obviously have something to hide.

In the end I felt I had no choice so rang ex back on speaker and he told me why he was upset, something to do with his younger child with his partner, nothing to do with me but he was giving me a heads up as it will affect our shard child as they are his family.

So did I look like I had something to hide by being reluctant - YABU

or should DH have trusted me YANBU

I am unsure of the statistics. When a partner accuses you of infidelity or being sneaky. Isn't that because they are doing the same? Also if they are doing the same they feel guilty for doing it and so have to make your life hell to make themselves feel better. 🤔. Food for thought really. Someone with a healthy trusting mind wouldn't even go down this route.

Your Husband sounds insecure. It’s not as if he didn’t have knowledge about your life before you met him. It’s coincidence that your Ex rang you when your husband will normally not be at home. And telling you to put your call on Speakerphone? What the heck is that all about? He should be grateful you and your Ex are able to be civil regarding your child together. I have been through a similar scenario so I understand fully. I wish you all the best but in my experience don’t let anyone dictate to you, Husband or not. The small concessions can eventually grow. You are not being unreasonable in my humble opinion!! I personally would close that down pronto 🙄😊

He needs to address it within himself, not make his current wife pay for mistakes his previous partners (and he himself!) made.

Oh no! Why did you agree? Is it because you wanted to prove to your DH that there is nothing going on? Sounds like he might be a bit jealous. Tell him how he made you feel and tell him its not okay for him to listen in. If he needs proof then maybe he's just too insecur? Sounds like a DH problem, and not a 'YOU' problem. I agree with others who said that your child will be much better off, if you and your ex get on - like you do. Maybe DH just needs some reassurance. Whatever you do, he needs to know that listening-in was not a solution - it only creates further problems. It should never happen again. Keep well