Sister in law using same baby name

[Funinthesun20]

My sil has just given birth to my beautiful niece she and my brother have practically named the baby the same as my daughter 7.

Im talking close naming, think Grace/Gracie, Sophia/sophie, Rose/Rosie, Isabel/Isabella, Ella/Ellie….

Now, I know no-one has a right to a name and I know I don’t, that’s not what I’m saying, and I’m not even mad, just really confused! Surly when they were looking at names, they thought that one’s just like our nieces, not that one then? Like my husbands nephew is Theo and we liked Leo, but we thought that’s too close so moved on to other names.

Mine and my family’s reaction probably should have been better. But I was in complete shock when they told her name. I wasn’t rude, but my face said it all!

But the way they (sil and brother) are now acting as if they don’t have a clue why anyone would comment/react. As a lot of people are, as in family friends, wider family, even my work colleagues. Even my daughter is a bit confused “why does the baby have almost the same name as me?”
My mum is now laughing about having to list her grandchildren and say two with practically identical names!

I don’t know the point to this post I’m just…. Venting.

So depressing to blame SIL for the name of your brother’s child 🙄

I can go one better than that. My SIL hasn't spoken to me since my daughter was born because we used her daughter's middle name.

It's also 100% my fault even though it was actually my husband's choice of name.

I hadn’t thought about it like that

Isn’t op’s Dc about 7?! It wasn’t a very close-run race if so!

If you and your DH are the only link then surely it’s only you or your DH that would mention one of them and the other one of you not know who was being referred to, so come up with your own personal method to differentiate?

Otherwise assume if someone in your family mentions the name they mean the one in your family, and if someone in DH’s family mentions the name they mean the one in DH’s family?

I've not once asked for your opinion despite you feeling the need to quote me to shove yours down my throat.

My first post on this thread was in response to someone else. You've persistently tagged me in responses that are now making a petty chain of school-age bickering.

You've also refused to answer, both times, whether you genuinely thought I meant that classrooms have millions of children in them rather than meaning that millions of children have the same name and that many classrooms have kids with the same name, or whether you were trying to be clever.

It’s weird and inconsiderate, annoying for grandparents, the children themselves etc

especially because nicknames could overlap for example a nickname for Grace, might be Gracie , but that’s now her cousins name….

I’d be pissed off

but hopefully it won’t come up too much in the future , depends how much you all see each other

This wouldn't bother me in the slightest. For most of history people were usually named after relatives and it would have been more surprising if someone didn't share their name with any cousins. It didn't seem to do them any harm and I can't see why it's any worse for a child to have the same name as a cousin than having the same name as a friend or classmate. Typically they spend less time with their cousins. I would try not to worry about this, it's not really a problem.

My sil ( who had her baby a few years earlier) chose a name I like and at first I thought how annoying. If it had had special meaning for me ( eg grandfather’s name etc) I would have gone ahead probably - or thought about it - but it didn’t so we just chose something else and am so glad we did: I now MUCH prefer it, and am relieved she triggered us to choose something else.

I realise that doesn’t help op as she has already chosen and used the name, but my point was really that things kind of work out I think and it ceases to have much relevance once the big name reveal phase has happened. It’s more of a “ clash” when someone in the class has the same name. And several have married into our family with the same name and we just work round it. Usually context makes it clear who is who.

No big deal at all, just 2 sets of parents who loved the same name. My sister and cousin have the exact same name, born about 3 years apart, we’ve never confused one with the other, and they’re now very close friends.

Would you say the same if a son was named the same as his father? Or daughter named after a mother?

No you wouldn't. And in those cases - the two people probably live together!

If my sister named her child nearly the same as mine, I'd take the opportunity to rib her about copying me for the rest of our lives . But

I mean yeah, it’s pretty self absorbed and unimaginative. And missing the point of what a name is for.

I'm liking the way you've put the blame firmly on your SIL and not your brother in the title.

Actually a name is for identification but I’m not sure that always automatically means different from others in the family. In many families - and I believe even more so across the globe than in uk - having names running strongly in family groups is really important to them. Both DH and I have multiple family members with the same names and we all know who is who. It’s true we don’t have any two of the same generation except those who have married in, but there are nonetheless lots of purposeful duplicates ( and triplicates).

But you still end up with the name being unfit for its very basic purpose, even if it's two members who don't live in the same household.

If you have two cousins called Peter and you comment to your spouse that you bumped into your cousin Peter in Asda today, that then requires the question "Which cousin Peter?".

At its root, a person's name is just a noun, like for anything else. If every type of vegetable were known as a carrot, or every hairstyle were known as a perm, or every colour were referred to as green, it would clearly get absurd and terribly confusing very quickly.

In most families where they give multiple people the same name, they usually distinguish by using a middle name, or name variant, or nickname for each person.

If you're going to do that anyway, why not just give them different actual names in the first place?! The surname clearly shows the family link; you don't need to use the first name as an extra surname.

Agree!

Just prefix your niece’s name with “Baby”, so if your DD is Grace and your niece’s is Gracie you say:

“Grace & baby Gracie will be there on Saturday.”

And if you want to, you do this until the niece is well into adulthood, just to ensure people know who you’re speaking about 😉

Because people like the fact that names can tie families at a more fundamental level than a surname. Sharing a first name with your mother and grandmother is a stronger sense of kinship than just a surname that you share with possibly hundreds.

I think some of the reason for this practice dropping out of vogue in some circles is the broader breakdown of family units, something which I think lies at the heart of the very fragmented, unsupported society we now have, often marked by extensive MH issues. I suppose for that reason symbolic ties of family unity appeal to me.

Fair enough; different people will have very different views on it. But surely most of the common first names that are passed down the family are shared with even more people than most surnames?

George Foreman had 5 sons called George Edward Foreman, as well as a daughter called Georgetta - although his other 6 daughters have completely non-Georgy names, which I think seems even weirder.

Nobody can tell me that they would instinctively and primarily associate the names George or Edward with his family; yes, he was famous, but there are and have been countless men out there called George or Edward through the centuries - the vast, vast majority of them not related to boxer Mr Foreman in any way whatsoever.

Yes but George Jetson and his son George Jetson creates more of a tie than just Mike Jetson. And George Fairbanks has nothing to do with it.

There's five of us cousins all with the same name 😂 we were all named after our Grannie.
We get by.

Utterly ridiculous.

Very true. I do wonder where 'wanting to maintain the family links' blurs into 'this new baby is just an extension of me and not a unique individual in their own right', though.

My sister named her DC a name that rhymes with my DC's name, only the first letter different. I was really surprised and a bit perplexed. I didn't say anything other than 'that's lovely ' and I don't even think about now.