22 year old daughter cant stick a job

[Rebk14]

Can anyone help currently at our wits end with our 22 year old daughter just never seems to stick at anything. She went to Uni for a year then decided it wasn't for her which fair enough it isn't for anyone. Since then she hasn't worked and when she does get a job she either gets finished or quits saying its not for her. Me and her Dad have always worked our socks off we had her at 18 bought a house and have always managed to pay for a roof over our heads. It really frustrates us as I just want her to have some work ethic I've even offered to get her a job where I work. I am a cook in a kitchen and there are always various hours going. All I get is its not what she wants to do. She's making odd bits of money singing online but it's not a,regular income and we have never given her money whilst she's out of work. It's just the sense of entitlement that infuriates me and causes constant arguments with is all. Any advise as currently at our wits end 😔

Set a date for her to move out. She's 22, she isn't a child, she isn't studying or working towards anything. It's time.

How does she earn money op? The online singing? Is she on benefits? Impressing she lives at home…I think you need to have a chat with her about getting real. Not in a pressurised way, just make it clear you can’t support her (house, heat, feed) forever. I think there is such a thing as making it too easy and in the long run it doesn’t do any favours

That was meant to say ‘presuming’ she lives at home. 🙄

Stop feeding her. She buys her own food and cooks it. Charge her for the fuel used

Stop washing her clothes. She buys her own detergent. Charge her for the electricity and water used.

And so on. If she doesn't pay, she can leave - she's an adult.

Exactly this.

I wouldn't want to get her a job where I worked because it would make things awkward when she flaked out of it - keep her away from family and friends places of work.

Otherwise - well as pp have said, don't make things too comfortable for her at home and maybe give her some deadlines. Does she think you are going to keep her forever? She needs to pick something - course or job - and stick at it.

Can she say what it is she would like to do?

If she’s making money online by singing can she get into a band? My DS earns more than 1k a month in a wedding band.

You don’t say ‘what she wants to do’ but regardless, whenever this unicorn job offer materialises, one look at her CV screams can’t manage a job.

3 years not fully occupied/studying is a massive red flag, even for employers willing to take a chance on a junior with presumably no training in this ‘dream job’.

You’re enabling her and not doing any favours.

I know several well off parents with kids at Russell Group Uni’s who’ve made their DC work in supermarkets to demonstrate work ethic and team work.

She studied music at college and uni and has made money from singing at a couple of venues but other than that there is nothing going on. As soon as I question about jobs she gets on the defensive saying how hard it is to get one. Yes I get times have changed but I've always told her to never quit a job till you find another one. She dissapears to her boyfriends for a,few days if we have a row and it's just continuous of the same thing. I've told her any job is better than no job even if it's till you find the right one.@

Does she smoke weed? Our son has had the same problem for 20 years, started smoking at Uni. Left Uni, then a succession of jobs that he has walked out of. Not able to stuck at anything for long. Cumulated in a major breakdown and hospitisation then anti depressants and anti psychotics. He has now stuck at a care home job for 18 months and is doing OK. If she is smoking weed, try and do all you can to stop her. She may not have any long term problems, but if she dies it is a nightmare for everyone. We think his inability to focus and the weed smoking are linked. As far as we know he has not smoked since leaving hospital over 2 years ago, and he is much improved.

I've said to her exactly the same thing that all the gaps inbetween have done her no favours whatsoever. She always goes for office jobs but normally telly sales jobs, her timekeeping isn't great which I'm constantly telling her that it doesn't look good turning up late for jobs.

Ultimately she lacks motivation to stick it out. Perhaps she’s too comfortable even without a wage? Perhaps she thinks she can live with you indefinitely without worrying about finances? Is there any way you could make her periods of unemployment less comfortable? Have you given her a timeline for how long she can live at home?

were they temporary/ contract jobs or permanent op? To be fair if they are she can explain the gaps with gigs etc. Would she try hospitality/ healthcare if she isn’t clicking with office jobs?

Op I hadn’t realised she’d studied music. I think creative industries can be very very difficult for the person involved as ultimately they want to make a living from being a singer or an artist. Let’s be honest, that rarely happens. Could she do some supplementary training to teach music, or singing? Or working with kids in music therapy? Related, but more realistic. She’ll be ‘holding out’ for her big break, but she does need to get more in the real world. You can still enjoy singing without being actually on stage. I think she needs to come to terms with that.

Switch the WiFi off when you go to work. Boredom will have her at least doing chores..

Tell her that (assuming you go to work full time) she leaves the house when you do, and doesn't come back until you're home. If she's got to be out of the house, she'll soon realise she's better off doing a job, than walking the streets with no money to spend.

Is she claiming benefits OP?

Your son just needs adhd meds

How does she feel about this? Is she alright with it, or does she feel frustrated/guilty? What are her friends doing? Have you considered ADHD because it sounds a lot like it?

She's 22. If she won't get a job, she can move out.

There are plenty of jobs for people who want them, but a lot of young people seem to resent having to work for a living. She’s 22, so you need to be tough with her. She’ll never hold down a job while she’s got a comfortable set-up living at home. Give her a 1 month deadline to move out if she’s not working. Explain that she can’t stay at home unless she’s working full-time, paying a fair amount for bed, board, utilities AND she needs to pull her weight with all the chores.

Otherwise she moves out. But you’ll need to stand firm and stick to your ultimatum. The longer young adults drift with no job, the more resistant they become, and you’ll be in the same position when she’s 30 if you don’t take strong action now. Good luck!

To be honest I've even had this conversation with her. She could never cope in a school environment not being unruly just anxious and struggling with day to day tasks. She does tick every single box for adhd. Poor time management, disorganisation etc

She has been actually we've told her that it's no good but definitely know when she's had it by the smell and glossy eyes,etc

You seem to have avoided the question from Pp's!
Does she pay you any rent/dig money?

She's currently on jobseekers which I've constantly told her to go on as as thought it might encourage her to look for jobs . She said she hasn't received any payments yet though

Yes she is living at home or boyfriends house. He does work so I can't even say that he's a bad influence of not wanting to do anything