22 year old daughter cant stick a job

[Rebk14]

Can anyone help currently at our wits end with our 22 year old daughter just never seems to stick at anything. She went to Uni for a year then decided it wasn't for her which fair enough it isn't for anyone. Since then she hasn't worked and when she does get a job she either gets finished or quits saying its not for her. Me and her Dad have always worked our socks off we had her at 18 bought a house and have always managed to pay for a roof over our heads. It really frustrates us as I just want her to have some work ethic I've even offered to get her a job where I work. I am a cook in a kitchen and there are always various hours going. All I get is its not what she wants to do. She's making odd bits of money singing online but it's not a,regular income and we have never given her money whilst she's out of work. It's just the sense of entitlement that infuriates me and causes constant arguments with is all. Any advise as currently at our wits end 😔

To be honest no but mainly because when we argue she disappears to her boyfriends then comes back when she thinks things have calmed down. I do definitely need to stick to my guns a friend of ours knocked it on the head when he said how can she take accountability when there are no consequences for her actions.

It’s tough to learn that work is often (usually?) a bit sucky- especially if you don’t have higher level qualifications. Mind you I have to say, entry-level office jobs are far, far worse IMO than working in a busy pub or cafe. They’re so boring! I think if she can’t bear to stay in one of those she should find something where she’ll be busier- the time will go quicker and it might be quite fun. I’ve always enjoyed the jobs I’ve had like that. Maybe a cafe she likes or a shop she likes the stuff they sell? Indie places might be easier to get in on the strength of her character than big chains.

ETA this is sadly a life lesson, we (nearly) all need to work if we want to live, and life on benefits is tough. I agree with pp that it may be time to enforce rules around paying her way in your home, either in cash or in chores completed,

I know and I completely agree it's no excuse to just do nothing. There is a job for everyone out there if they are willing to work

That's screaming ADHD. Can't stick at one thing. Hopefully an appointment with a GP will help before taking this any further. Medication may help her stay focused if it is ADHD...

I know and yes we should of acted earlier I've just always hung on hoping she finally sorts herself out, but she's no child anymore and enough is enough

I have mentioned it to her but she took it as though it was an insult I said if you got the right help it might help you focus more. We always say its like when you have all the tabs open on a computer at once. That's how her mind is

If she can sing, can she sing at weddings, funerals etc? Get a basic website together, market herself on social media, doesn’t have to leave her bedroom to get the first few bookings in

Cancel the home WiFi for 3 months. She’ll find a job with free WiFi.

I would wager that if she’s given moving out orders there will be an “accidental” pregnancy not long after. Then she’ll be set for life either through her boyfriend’s support, or the tax payer’s.

I was diagnosed ADHD when I was more than twice the age of your daughter.... The difference being, I seemed fling myself from pillar to post to have any job - started filing (admin) at 16 after Gcses. During Alevel school holidays working at playschemes (to be fair, you didn't need childcare qualifications then!), dropped out of uni, back to admin, had baby, worked in a pub, did office cleaning, short term admin, long term admin, bookkeeping, sales... Bloody hell, my head was mashed!
I think the difference now, ADHD or not, is that people think they can achieve their dreams online, so school cook, or similar will just get a sneer.

My son grew up seeing me do all these jobs...
He's never had a proper contracted job. He's 28 and a father.
It's heartbreaking when you bring them up showing a work ethic, any work will do and... Lazy.
I love him but luckily he hasn't lived with me for years!

So true when I said to her how about working in a kitchen her response was that she didn't want to be a dinner lady. So that's what I'm labelled as I run my own kitchen manage staff the ordering and monitoring of food aswell as the cooking serving, washing up and cleaning but yes its just a little old dinner lady job 🙉. I honestly don't mind what she does even if it's till she can find something that suits her it's the entitlement of I'm not doing that like it's optional. The thing is we genuinely want whats best for her and for her to have some drive and goals to go forþ

You need to make full-time employment or education a condition of living at home. If she chooses employment you need to charge real rent, not a token. You can save the money for her when she moves out. She should be able to pay you at least 30% of full-time NMW a month for rent.

Coddling her is just going to let her coast.

Do you actually know wht the rental market is like these days? The OP will have to act as guarantor for the DD, and if the DD isn't sticking at any job she won't find anywhere to rent.

If she's applied for UC she'll have a job search commitment and turning down work won't be an option.

Classic sign of ADHD

You sound hard working OP. Must be very frustrating and worrying in equal measure. Got to be tough to be kind on this one.

Sounds like ADHD. I have it too, but have always had to work hard due to growing up in care. She will work if she has to. Thing is, parents and the state often mean they don’t have to. She’s 22 she needs to earn her keep, work in a supermarket until the dream job comes along. So disrespectful to ponce off mum and dad as an adult. ADHD is not an excuse.

Get her to contact residential care homes. They usually have an entertainment programme. They may not pay well but there are usually a lot around.

So, you manage a team of people. You ensure tight deadlines are met, hygiene, health and safety standards are adhered to.
You make budgeting decisions and aim to achieve customer satisfaction at all times.

My son would probably just - uh? She's a dinner lady. It actually hurts to write that. Some people blame the parents, and maybe it's partially true, but there's no denying there's is an entitled generation.

Only if the work is offered.

Applied for 50 jobs this week (show long list) still waiting to hear...

The job centre doesn't actually find you a job to turn down.

No but she'll have to apply for jobs and she'll be sanctioned if she's offered jobs and turns them down.

Good luck with your applications.

Yes, but they don't check what you've actually applied for. It's all bull.

Good luck with my applications? I should bloody think so seeing as they'd be imaginary. I'm not claiming job seekers allowance.

That’s a great idea. It will definitely get her experience and will help the care home residents.

I see what you mean from my previous post @ilovesooty

Thats based on previous experience.

The money and the sanctioning comes from putting people on shitty courses that many don't attend - sanctioned. Don't attend your appointment - sanctioned.

Attend your appointment with a list of what you've applied for - tick, and off you pop.

She could move in with the boyfriend. It's not the OPs issue This is a woman in her 20s not a 12 year old