22 year old daughter cant stick a job

[Rebk14]

Can anyone help currently at our wits end with our 22 year old daughter just never seems to stick at anything. She went to Uni for a year then decided it wasn't for her which fair enough it isn't for anyone. Since then she hasn't worked and when she does get a job she either gets finished or quits saying its not for her. Me and her Dad have always worked our socks off we had her at 18 bought a house and have always managed to pay for a roof over our heads. It really frustrates us as I just want her to have some work ethic I've even offered to get her a job where I work. I am a cook in a kitchen and there are always various hours going. All I get is its not what she wants to do. She's making odd bits of money singing online but it's not a,regular income and we have never given her money whilst she's out of work. It's just the sense of entitlement that infuriates me and causes constant arguments with is all. Any advise as currently at our wits end 😔

Op, she’s smoking weed, claiming benefits and taking her parents for a ride!! Sorry, I don’t mean to be harsh but as more details come out I’m with the posters who say give her an ultimatum. On no accounts supplement this lifestyle!! It’s terrible for her mental health.

OP if your daughter was good enough to get accepted onto a degree course to study music, could it be that at school she was alway the "talented one" as far as music went, and then she got to university and for the first time was in a group of peers who were just as talented if not more so, and it's given her confidence a wobble with a knock-on impact to her sense of purpose and worth? I'm assuming that to get good enough to study music at that level she's gone through periods where a lot of practice and dedication were required, so she must have it in her somewhere.

She's only 22. She might well find something she can stick to in the next year or two.

She's taking the absolute piss out of you.

I would be kicking her out, personally. She can go and doss at her boyfriends if that's how she wants to spend her time.

Hi sorry yes she did when she had a job which is the longest she'd stuck at we told her she had to pay £200 a month keep which she thought she was hard done by with us asking. I always had to pay keep when we were younger and my hubby did too other than that she's never stuck anything long enough

You need to start charging her rent. Yesterday.

Unfortunately it's not really an option not to work.

@Rebk14 When she returns from the bfs pick the conversation up where it left off.

She's an adult and can't run away from her problems - which she does when she leaves for her boyfriends for a few days.

She is in the cohort of those that the government are concerned about.
18 to 25, not in education, not training, not working therefore not paying tax. Just idling through life, being financially supported by parents and the state, (that's us).

I know she's gone to her boyfriends now I couldn't help losing my rag earlier especially when we are coming back from work knackered and she's refusing to take certain jobs. I've told her that until anything changes and she grows up we can't carry on like this. We love her but the stress is just no good with all the arguments

Might she have a look at tourism? 6 months on a cruise ship or as an entertainer in a resort or something could be really fun, and will help to build a better work ethic.

I think that you might also consider saying that whilst she is living with you she must work 7 hours per day, 5 days per week. She can choose between:

• getting a job for those hours and paying you X per week
• doing work at home of your choosing (cooking, cleaning, DIY, gardening, errands) and nothing to pay

She does she's very musically gifted and I've told her to use it to her advantage like doing gigs and venues but she also needs a long term goal in the mean time. She said the course wasn't what she expected so that's why she decided to finish it

OP - you haven't answered whether you're giving her any money?

Making odd bits of money singing online?
Erm, are you sure it's singing? Who pays for online singing by non professionals?
How can she feed herself? Is she on benefits?
Tell her she must seek out work as you need her to start paying board. Presuming she eats your food, uses your utilities etc?
People can do social and market research interviewing from home, I know one where they pay London living wage for all of the UK. You can pick your shifts so it's fairly flexible. Something like that at least will give her a few quid.

I’m always surprised how many parents let their adult children do nothing. I was sat down after uni and told in no uncertain terms that I needed to get a full time job asap, even if it wasn’t a job I particularly wanted. It was made clear to me that I did not live under their roof jobless. I also have autism, so I remember being a bit flustered but within 8 weeks of them sitting me down, I had a full time job in an office (which I hated, but it was just a temporary way to earn money, gain experience, get a reference etc). I just applied to anything I could because every day they would remind me that I needed to be spending my time actively looking!
I remember feeling a bit hard done by at the time, but they instilled a work ethic into me that’s for sure 😅

I think you need to lay down the law OP.

No we've never given her any money I refuse to do so if she isn't working

I've told her exactly the same thing I said if you had a roof to pay over your head you wouldn't have a choice. Its so upsetting as she's not been brought up that way at all. I've always worked even when she was younger and her Dad has too. I said to her whilst she's looking, to volunteer at a school where I work and her reply is I'm not doing it for nothing. I said well at the minute you aren't doing anything and doing something is better than doing nothing. Whatever I say I just feel like I'm banging my head against a,brick wall at times

I've told her this earlier that it's just an escapism from the real world and facing up to responsibilities

This is what worries me and the longer you leave it the harder it is to get back into. I just don't want her slipping through the net. I've explained this to her but she doesn't listen all I get is that I don't understand how it is now to get a job these days

Hard ball at wits end approach - Change the locks now.
Nothing will change till you change the cycle.

More mellowed than above.
Sit her down and tell her this is how it is and this is what it will cost from now.
You need to remind her she is an adult, has been for 4 years and this teenage life style is not being entertained a minute longer.
As an adult she makes the decision to live by your rules or move out and live by her own.

Good luck OP, it's never as simple as above in real life.
edit typos

I think its on tiktok I've actually gone on to the site unwilling to her as I also questioned if it was the only fans had my doubts I'm ashamed to say but it wasn't. It's so many views they get it's not a massive amount of money but I wish this online stuff didn't exist. Far too many people trying it these days

Plenty of us with ADHD or MH problems hold down a job - it’s called necessity and survival.

You’ve enabled this situation by allowing her to live at home for too long. Either she’s in full time education or she needs to move out of the house and fend for herself. Sorry OP but she hasn’t been made to grow up and stand on her own two feet and now you’re seeing the consequences.

If she’s claiming benefits why shouldn’t she pay rent? No one else is going to house and feed an adult for free.

Does she think every single person working is doing the job they dreamed of?
She sounds really immature and idealistic, I'd be giving her a letter for eviction and a month's notice, she's 22, she's an adult, she can stay if she pays or goes back into education, there's the line.

I think the above poster might have a good idea OP. While she's at her BF's, write out an eviction letter, giving her a date by which if she doesn't have a job, then she's out on her ear. It may just galvanise her to sort herself out.

I know I remember literally sitting down on the day I left high school and my mum saying we'll don't think this is it now you have jobs to look for and within two weeks I was working full time. I've done many jobs some awful bit fit in with kids school pick ups and most importantly paid bills. The amount of times I've told her that you are always so much more employable when you are currently employed. She doesn't stick anything to go on her cv and gain experience.