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Original poster

The most shocking thing about the maternity enquiries is how unshocked I am.

139 replies

GreyandWhiteBathMat · 24/03/2025 06:52

Reading this this morning

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/clyn8n3nyrlo

Which prompted me to read East Kents enquiry, I'm maybe a third of the way through. While I am angry and frustrated reading it nothing has shocked me. It's completely in line with my own experiences in my local (not under enquiry) maternity ward 25 years ago. The arrogance, dismissal and casual cruelty of the midwifery staff there is well known. I didn't have issues with obstetricians who were, on the whole, great if not particularly visible.

Why is this? Why are these features so common? I lean towards it being a long standing issue with midwifery education. It just seems so pervasive in a way I haven't seen across other services.

A pregnant woman holding her stomach

NHS maternity care: What are the problems at the heart of its failures?

An inquest into the death of Ida Lock has shone light on repeat mistakes - and wider failures in certain hospitals across England

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/clyn8n3nyrlo

OP posts:
KnitFastDieWarm · 24/03/2025 23:52

surreygirl1987 · 24/03/2025 23:47

Had a similar thing after my c section (second baby 4 years ago). They wanted me out, and got us to walk to the bathroom a few hours after the c section. They say it's important to aid a fast recovery - fair enough though I did say I didnt feel I could walk. I staggered there, next to a midwife. Bathroom was full of someone else's postnatal blood (which was obviously gross). Came out of the bathroom and the midwife who had walked with me to it had disappeared. Tried to get back to my bed myself but started blacking out. Staggered to a random wheelchair nearby (thank goodness it was there or I'd have been lying in a heap on the floor) and collapsed into it. And this was the better birth by far!

It’s unbelievable isn’t it? The most physically and emotionally vulnerable point in our lives, and we were treated like shit. I’m so sorry you had a similar experience, it seems it’s not uncommon sadly.

Bloodybrambles · 25/03/2025 01:34

KnitFastDieWarm · 24/03/2025 23:52

It’s unbelievable isn’t it? The most physically and emotionally vulnerable point in our lives, and we were treated like shit. I’m so sorry you had a similar experience, it seems it’s not uncommon sadly.

Show quote history

I echo similar stories to the many women on here.

The grand scheme of things my labour wasn’t that bad, as in I didn’t leave with life changing injuries.

I wasn't told that I was being sedated during my C-section. I obviously fought to stay awake as I thought I was dying. I woke up to DH shouting to me to look alert or they were going to formula feed DD.

I’ve always been a law abiding, polite, decent member of society yet I felt like I was treated like a criminal.

I asked for my prescribed pain medication and the midwife angrily got into my space and tapped her forehead saying ‘your pain is all up here’… less than a day after my C-section.

Lying in blood soaked sheets for over 12 hours. I couldn’t even cuddle DD as I felt too unhygienic.

Nobody being phased when I continuously blacked out when being told to move after my C-section.

Begging to get off my back during my back to back labour. It felt like I was being hung, strung and quartered.

Having a sweep done without my consent. When I told her ‘I do not consent’ she just rolled her eyes at me.

When a midwife was giving me an internal examination and I asked her what her name was ‘it doesn’t matter’.

Bloodybrambles · 25/03/2025 01:38

I want another child. I spent numerous times a week falling down rabbit holes on how I can possibly have another child safely and humanely.

I do not understand how a successful birth is one that ends up with everyone surviving. You’d think in 21st century Britain that would be the bare minimum.

MidwichCuckoo · 25/03/2025 02:26

I don't understand why some staff speak to mums as if they are delinquent or stupid. I feel like they are taking advantage of us being in a vulnerable state as I don't normally get spoken to like that by professionals.
I had my kids a while ago now, but do they ask for feedback on your experience now like ofsted ask parents and kids for their experience of schools? You get asked by text to rate your experience of dentist/shops/amazon.

RogersOrganismicProcess · 25/03/2025 06:15

It is heartbreaking to read the treatment on this thread. I was having my 4th DC I had been in labour for some time with contractions thick and fast. I was in a lot of pain.

I told my midwife that my waters had needed to be broken for all three of my children, that they had been extremely tough to break- requiring team effort. For my third the midwife had said they would never have gone naturally.

The midwife said she would do no such thing, that it was better for the baby to be born in caul as it meant they experienced less pain. She expressed pity that I would put my own comfort above my child’s. That was enough to silence me. I grew up in an abusive home and was determined not to harm my children the way I had been harmed.

Devastatingly, when they next checked my baby’s heartbeat it had stopped. They wouldn’t deliver her as an emergency, I had to endure a scan to confirm it had stopped despite my begging them to help her.

Ironically, the consultant broke my waters there and then and she was born just over an hour later. There was meconium in the waters so I think she was distressed. Post Mortem showed a happy healthy baby and unknown cause of death.

goneaway2 · 25/03/2025 08:08

suah · 24/03/2025 11:06

Is there anything expectant women can look out for when making choices about where to give birth to hopefully have a less traumatic experience? I’m guessing avoiding midwife led units but anything else?

Put it this way, after my first I had homebirths for my next two. If you can hire a doula or have one or two people at home with you that can advocate for you. I used a private midwife service (hired through nhs) for my 3rd.

Puppupandaway · 25/03/2025 08:51

RogersOrganismicProcess · 25/03/2025 06:15

It is heartbreaking to read the treatment on this thread. I was having my 4th DC I had been in labour for some time with contractions thick and fast. I was in a lot of pain.

I told my midwife that my waters had needed to be broken for all three of my children, that they had been extremely tough to break- requiring team effort. For my third the midwife had said they would never have gone naturally.

The midwife said she would do no such thing, that it was better for the baby to be born in caul as it meant they experienced less pain. She expressed pity that I would put my own comfort above my child’s. That was enough to silence me. I grew up in an abusive home and was determined not to harm my children the way I had been harmed.

Devastatingly, when they next checked my baby’s heartbeat it had stopped. They wouldn’t deliver her as an emergency, I had to endure a scan to confirm it had stopped despite my begging them to help her.

Ironically, the consultant broke my waters there and then and she was born just over an hour later. There was meconium in the waters so I think she was distressed. Post Mortem showed a happy healthy baby and unknown cause of death.

I’m so sorry, how do you ever get over such a thing? Sending hugs xx

528htz · 25/03/2025 09:06

Wiltingasparagusfern · 24/03/2025 07:30

There seems to be a very strange attitude towards pain from some midwives. I wonder if it goes all the way back to the deeply ancient roots of the profession (or indeed the Judeo-Christian notion that labour pain is punishment for all women.) The focus on unmedicated birth at all costs has led to the loss of women and babies’ lives. It’s this idea that pain is virtue, almost, and anyone who wants help to manage it is a whiny drama queen.

I think the NCT and Gaskin et al have a lot to answer for on this as well.

During my birth I was in the most extraordinary pain. It surprised me, as someone with a high pain threshold. I was told I wasn’t in active labour or even having contractions by one midwife. Another said I was only 1cm dilated. I kept yelling for a doctor until eventually one came and when I insisted on a vaginal exam I was 6cm.

I received an apology for having to wait an extra hour for my epidural.

I had a complicated birth and it was in the main part handled well by a brilliant team of doctors and midwives. But these experiences also gave me a shocking insight into how it must feel to not be believed or listened to when in labour.

I think this attitude towards pain has permeated all aspects of health care, as I worked in elderly and palliative care and they were under medicated too, as well as other distressing symptoms being ignored and just accepted as natural and part of the experience. Christianity teaches that we must bear our pain and difficulties the same way Christ bore his pain on the Cross and that suffering brings us closer to God. This is mainly a Roman Catholic belief. I believe that there has to be space for compassion. It's interesting to see how belief has firmly stamped itself unconsciously on the population though and seems to have been passed down through the centuries.

HellsBells67 · 25/03/2025 09:33

My experience was bad from the second I rang to inform them my waters had broke, as they had told me to do! Got laughed at and told I was so not in labour. I said I know, but my waters have broke and you said to call. Told to go in, the midwife then sneered at me for having blow dried my hair and applied make up (all done before waters broke!) and laughed she'd like to see what I looked like after twelve hours of labour. DH threw her out of the room and demanded she was not allowed near me again. But it didn't improve thereafter and it's difficult to talk about twenty years on.

jjeoreo · 25/03/2025 09:39

Bloodybrambles · 25/03/2025 01:34

I echo similar stories to the many women on here.

The grand scheme of things my labour wasn’t that bad, as in I didn’t leave with life changing injuries.

I wasn't told that I was being sedated during my C-section. I obviously fought to stay awake as I thought I was dying. I woke up to DH shouting to me to look alert or they were going to formula feed DD.

I’ve always been a law abiding, polite, decent member of society yet I felt like I was treated like a criminal.

I asked for my prescribed pain medication and the midwife angrily got into my space and tapped her forehead saying ‘your pain is all up here’… less than a day after my C-section.

Lying in blood soaked sheets for over 12 hours. I couldn’t even cuddle DD as I felt too unhygienic.

Nobody being phased when I continuously blacked out when being told to move after my C-section.

Begging to get off my back during my back to back labour. It felt like I was being hung, strung and quartered.

Having a sweep done without my consent. When I told her ‘I do not consent’ she just rolled her eyes at me.

When a midwife was giving me an internal examination and I asked her what her name was ‘it doesn’t matter’.

Show quote history

For some reason that has shocked me most of all (the it doesn't matter comment). Of course it fucking does

Sunshineandrainbow · 25/03/2025 09:45

RogersOrganismicProcess · 25/03/2025 06:15

It is heartbreaking to read the treatment on this thread. I was having my 4th DC I had been in labour for some time with contractions thick and fast. I was in a lot of pain.

I told my midwife that my waters had needed to be broken for all three of my children, that they had been extremely tough to break- requiring team effort. For my third the midwife had said they would never have gone naturally.

The midwife said she would do no such thing, that it was better for the baby to be born in caul as it meant they experienced less pain. She expressed pity that I would put my own comfort above my child’s. That was enough to silence me. I grew up in an abusive home and was determined not to harm my children the way I had been harmed.

Devastatingly, when they next checked my baby’s heartbeat it had stopped. They wouldn’t deliver her as an emergency, I had to endure a scan to confirm it had stopped despite my begging them to help her.

Ironically, the consultant broke my waters there and then and she was born just over an hour later. There was meconium in the waters so I think she was distressed. Post Mortem showed a happy healthy baby and unknown cause of death.

Absolutely horrendous, did you ever get chance to speak about your concerns during labour.
💞

Comtesse · 25/03/2025 09:50

Holy moly. I am so sorry. So much pain, cruelty, loss at such a sensitive time. My first birth was rocky but not like this, good grief Flowers

Bbq1 · 25/03/2025 09:59

My experience was good from start to finish. We chose the smaller maternity hospital hoping it would be more personal and it was. Two lovely midwives attended me during my the birth of our son and a Dr arrived to break my waters. Care afterwards (they kept me in for five days due to ds having slight jaundice) was kind, supportive and empathetic. I'm sorry for people that have had bad experiences but it's unfair to say most women have poor experiences.

MidwichCuckoo · 25/03/2025 14:16

Bbq1 · 25/03/2025 09:59

My experience was good from start to finish. We chose the smaller maternity hospital hoping it would be more personal and it was. Two lovely midwives attended me during my the birth of our son and a Dr arrived to break my waters. Care afterwards (they kept me in for five days due to ds having slight jaundice) was kind, supportive and empathetic. I'm sorry for people that have had bad experiences but it's unfair to say most women have poor experiences.

That's great. Lucky you! Have you read the article about all the babies who've died unnecessarily? You having a good experience doesn't mean women shouldn't talk about their negative experiences on a website for mums.

Bbq1 · 25/03/2025 14:25

@MidwichCuckoo
That is exactly why I said i am sorry for people who have appalling experiences and I am saddened and sickened by babies dying due to poor care. I did not say women should nit talk about negative experiences, I was just trying to give balance by relying my good experience and because lots of women besides me have positive birth stories. I was actually referring to the Op or a pp who said it was a nationwide issue. Maybe ii is but it's not happening everywhere with every birth or in every hospital.

Gemmawemma9 · 25/03/2025 14:49

@MidwichCuckoo thats a really unfair post. @Bbq1 simply shared her own experiencing whilst acknowledging that unfortunately this isn’t the same for everyone. She wasn’t minimising at all. Some women DO have good experiences 🤷🏼‍♀️

MidwichCuckoo · 25/03/2025 16:30

Bbq1 · 25/03/2025 14:25

@MidwichCuckoo
That is exactly why I said i am sorry for people who have appalling experiences and I am saddened and sickened by babies dying due to poor care. I did not say women should nit talk about negative experiences, I was just trying to give balance by relying my good experience and because lots of women besides me have positive birth stories. I was actually referring to the Op or a pp who said it was a nationwide issue. Maybe ii is but it's not happening everywhere with every birth or in every hospital.

It is a widespread issue in this country that needs to be tackled. No one at all has claimed that it is "happening everywhere with every birth or in every hospital."

Porkychops · 25/03/2025 16:42

Another one here...i had someone who was clearly in a bad mood and was nasty to me when I asked her something. I have had to deal with it as my complaint was dealt with by gaslighting. The way I dealt with it was to realise that I had an unassisted birth and how strong I was to do that. There was a midwife in.the room but I was on my own. That helped me and it might help someone else. I used to get upset watching One Born every Minute and wondering why I couldn't have had a nice midwife like that.

Bbq1 · 25/03/2025 16:43

MidwichCuckoo · 25/03/2025 16:30

It is a widespread issue in this country that needs to be tackled. No one at all has claimed that it is "happening everywhere with every birth or in every hospital."

Show quote history

Clearly you are going to twist everything I say - despite me agreeing with some of what you say. I'm not wasting anymore time just for you to belligerently pick apart everything I post on this thread
You are so frantic about being "right" and shouting down anybody that had has a good birthing experience that you have completely ignored a pp's comment that you were responding unfairly. Which you were. However, I'll now I'll leave you to enjoy shouting into your negative echo chamber.

JandamiHash · 25/03/2025 17:15

I had a complicated pregnancy with DS and was awaiting a scan and examination after my waters slightly broke at 27 weeks and had extremely reduced movement . I was in a bed in the postnatal ward (awful place to be for a woman thinking she was perhaps miscarrying) and the woman in the next bed was in agony after her c-section. She begged the midwife for something stronger than paracetamol and the midwife said “The thing is I COULD give you something stronger but you’re being discharged tomorrow and I can’t prescribe the stronger medicine. if you get used to the strong pain killer today and only went away with paracetamol tomorrow think how awful that would be” !!!!

Luckily her mum was there and said “Well get a doctor to prescribe it if you can’t but you aren’t fobbing my daughter off with paracetamol she’s had major surgery!”

My DH was amazing when, after having DS, another husband had taken food from the trolley, meaning I had none as I was changing rooms, and DH complained to the staff at the desk. The midwife said to him “We can’t tell them off because people get abusive to staff”. He pointed out “Well you didn’t mind telling my wife off when she was in labour and in agony and was pushing when she apparently wasn’t supposed to so I’m sure you can tell someone off for stealing her food”.

In the end DH went and bollcoked him. DH is well built and this guy was all “Sorry mate I thought the food was for parents”. I discharged me and DS against medical advice and went to get a Chinese. No way was I staying in that hell hole!

JandamiHash · 25/03/2025 17:31

I find it so sad that basic care (kindness empathy and support) is considered “excellent” and a win. It’s the bare minimum we should expect

ilovemoney · 25/03/2025 17:41

The replies on here are bone chilling. I am so sorry to hear of all your horrendous experiences. The care you were all given was shameful.

hotnotgrot · 25/03/2025 20:22

@Bbq1 your experience sounds lovely. In my neck of the woods it would be very unusual to be allowed to stay for 5 days due to mild jaundice. In my first Labour, I had to have my waters broken but no sight of a doctor until it became critical for me to have the EMCS that had become needed a while ago (but all the midwives dismissed me as being hysterical and in transition). Just the fact that you got a decent spell in hospital and to see a doctor in early labour would be so unusual I where I am. Sad, but true.

Bbq1 · 25/03/2025 20:51

hotnotgrot · 25/03/2025 20:22

@Bbq1 your experience sounds lovely. In my neck of the woods it would be very unusual to be allowed to stay for 5 days due to mild jaundice. In my first Labour, I had to have my waters broken but no sight of a doctor until it became critical for me to have the EMCS that had become needed a while ago (but all the midwives dismissed me as being hysterical and in transition). Just the fact that you got a decent spell in hospital and to see a doctor in early labour would be so unusual I where I am. Sad, but true.

I'm very sorry to hear that @hotnotgrot
It was some time ago but yes, I'm seeing not only was it excellent care it appears to be quite unusual. At the time, we were all quite suprised at the long stay as I was well and my ds only had mild jaundice.

surreygirl1987 · 25/03/2025 21:02

Bbq1 · 25/03/2025 09:59

My experience was good from start to finish. We chose the smaller maternity hospital hoping it would be more personal and it was. Two lovely midwives attended me during my the birth of our son and a Dr arrived to break my waters. Care afterwards (they kept me in for five days due to ds having slight jaundice) was kind, supportive and empathetic. I'm sorry for people that have had bad experiences but it's unfair to say most women have poor experiences.

That's lovely for you and I'm glad someone has had a good birth; out of 8 mums in my NCT group, only one had a positive experience. None of us saw a doctor in early labour, so I have to ask: was your birth recent or a long time ago?

But why do you say it's unfair to say most women have poor experiences? Do you know for a fact that most women have good birth experiences?? What data have you based that on?