To feel scared about having kids, especially boys, after watching Adolescence on Netflix?

[ByCheekyDreamer]

Just watched Adolescence on Netflix and it honestly terrified me. Seeing what teenagers, especially boys, go through in today’s world - social media, peer pressure, mental health struggles - makes me wonder how anyone navigates parenting without constant fear. Am I overthinking or do others feel the same?

Maybe this will work for your kids but it wouldn't work for most. You're probably in for a rude shock when your kids reach teenage years 🤷🏼‍♀️

You bring your kids up to have good values and aspirations and treat them well and expect them to treat others the same and you won't go far wrong.

Well that's what the argument was, the school were focusing on the girl's skirt length making it their fault, many parents objected to this belief and the teenage boys felt the same to the the point of gathering around girls to hide them from teachers that wanted to measure skirts and dish out behaviour points.

Hardly. I'd have to live under a rock to not be aware of the extent of male on male violence. I was making a specific point in response to OP referencing a drama where someone's son became a killer and someone's daughter was murdered, so please don't patronise me.

For the people saying it's fiction, of course it is, but the reason it has made such an impact is because it resonates so strongly with real life. Andrew tate, thr incel movement, the crossbow killer, the boy who shot girls on campus for not sleeping with him... On and on. Its clearly struck a nerve and opened up a conversation, that's a good thing. If it didn't feel horribly relevant we wouldn't be taking about it.

Also for those saying, weird youre worrying about boys when its the girl that gets killed, girls have it harder etc. I do feel the whataboutism derailment makes discussion difficult.

The truth is young girls and women are baring the brunt of toxic masculinity, they are losing their rights and their lives. But they aren't doing it to themselves. By pivoting the conversation to them we are taking about the symptoms not the cause. It reminds me of growing up and being taught how to not get raped, like it was a me issue. Truth is while i can limit risk I can't not get raped anymore than I can not get robbed, not be the victim of someone elses sexism or not get hit by a car. We need to look at the people causing these issues. In this case young men.

Boys and young men are more conservative than theyve ever been https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/ng-interactive/2024/aug/07/gen-z-voters-political-ideology-gender-gap

Young men feel its harder to be a man than a woman and support returns to traditional gender roles https://www.kcl.ac.uk/news/masculinity-and-womens-equality-study-finds-emerging-gender-divide-in-young-peoples-attitudes

We only have to glance at the relationship board to see the effects of these beliefs and trends play out as boys become husbands and fathers. If we want to stop it there is an onus on all parents of boys/ young men to step in and challenge these beliefs.

How many times do we see threads on here where posters say ‘it’s just banter’, ‘it’s what boys/young men do’, ‘they all watch porn’. Is that raising boys to have good values?

This is in no way representative of boys - a vast majority are absolutely normal.

There are also toxic teen girls- but they are more psychological in the way they behave compared to physicality of males.

I agree that the toxic shit of incels and misogynists needs to be addressed but we should not be demonising teen boys.

@Goldenbear did the boys then ask the school what they were doing about upskirting? Did they surround the boys that were doing that to stop them?

It’s great that they were calling out the school on focussing on the girls (although I don’t have a problem with having a uniform policy on length of skirts in the same way you can say no to skinny jeans instead of school trouser) but now we need boys to call out boys’ behaviour.

Sexism is rife. It always has been. Look at how many men criticise everything women do. They hate it when a woman is the lead in a film or tv show. They hate female comedians. They hate female mps. They hate women who wear tight or ‘revealing’ clothes yet they hate women who wear headscarves. They hate women drivers. They hate women for taking up space.
They hold women to different standards.

I mean, I can honestly say DS and friends (late teens)are disgusted by these attitudes. My DS has a playstation but plays FiFA online, not violent games. He doesn't got to clubs, sometimes plays five aside football, he is on track for As at A level, one of his A levels is Politics, he listens to The rest is Politics, The rest is History, he's on his phone probably too much but is watching Politics Joe and listens to Any Questions on Radio 4 on his phone. He probably has more understanding of these issues (societal and political issues) than most of the adult British population. I think we should be wary of hyperbole and oversimplification of the arguments, it isn't just about having a play station in your bedroom or even a phone, what is happening in your formative years, what is the moral make up of your parents, what is your life like as a young child. I was in a coffee shop at the weekend and watched how a toddler ran out of a loo with his Dad, his Dad was straight back on his phone, the toddler constantly tapping him as his trousers were at his ankles and hadn't been pulled up, he was so fixated on the phone that he didn't even notice his child it was incredibly sad to see!

This is in no way representative of boys - a vast majority are absolutely normal.

I'm very much afraid this attitude is wishful thinking. It absolutely is not a small minority with the damaging and toxic attitudes. It may be a minority but it's in no way small. And it's growing.

We cannot afford to be in denial about this issue.

They absolutely did actually. It wasn't about up skirting the school didn't introduce the policy for that reason, they would've absolutely said that if that was the case they introduced it for notions of decency. The parents were outraged by the sexist attitude of the school, victim blaming so they abandoned the policy, they also abandoned laddered tights policy and girls can wear than now.

It’s not demonising teen boys, it’s recognising what impact various influences can have on them and where these influences can come from.

Because your child doesn’t go out late on a school night doesn’t mean they are safe from influence.

Children are being bombarded with stuff nowadays so much more than we were. Young kids seeing porn. Years ago an 11yo might have caught a sneaky peek of their older brother’s playboy magazine. Now they can see all sorts, and think what they are watching is normal.

Years ago how many children shared photos of themselves nude with another child, how many other people would have ended up seeing that photo.

The list goes on

@atmywitsend1989, do you feel that you have access to any support with your ds, e.g. to help challenge his views? Where a child is showing signs of having been groomed into this shit, what can we as a society do to help them get out of it, and what support do you need as his parent?

HansHolbein

Well, your first red flag would be allowing your 13 year old child to be out at 2230.

watched the first two episodes with 15 and 17 year olds and the first thing they were talking about was ‘how the hell are there 13yo out on their own at night?!’ They went on and on about it!

'Adolescence' is an extraordinarily worst-case scenario. My kids have got to 13 and 16 without experiencing terrible bullying, or self esteem problems from social media or in school, and they are both neurodivergent and one is non binary so we're talking about kids who have a higher than average chance of being targets but nothing terrible has happened

Obviously one should be vigilant about radicalisation through vile people like Tate, but it's not inevitable or unstoppable.

Eh? It literally is fiction. It’s a fictional Netflix drama. Facts.

I also questioned why the kid was out on his own late at night but maybe that’s a red herring. Kids can be stabbed at any time of day and have been. Although if he had stayed in his room he couldn’t have killed anyone!

The attitude from boys and men perhaps explains why so many teenage girls are identifying as trans - to get away from being pigeonholed as a sex object - when at such a young vulnerable age.

OP, I think the issues raised in the series are important but they shouldn't detract from your enjoyment of raising boys. The conversation around 'Adolescence' and AT is all very heavy (and divisive at times) but hopefully these issues won't affect you if you keep busy being involved in healthy activities with your children (and being involved in their lives). The love and respect learned at home and from their role models provides the armour that protects them from the kind of ridiculous nonsense AT spouts.

My sons have lovely friend groups with both girls and boys, both play sport in teams with girls and boys. Both of my sons and their friend groups are completely dismissive and uninterested in anything AT has to say. He is an idiot in their view and they tell me their friends all feel the same way.

Since I'm saying parents should not be allowing teens unlimited access to the net and should know what their kids are doing and where they are, I'm not sure what point you're making in relation to my post.

Is it yes you agree with me that parents should be in control of the Internet their children have access to?

To be fair I think this series is quite groundbreaking in starting a very, very important and long overdue conversation about the toxic influences our boys are open to, the devastating impact it has and how much it’s largely been ignored until recently.

And for me it shines a huge fucking light on some (not all) parents who refuse to get a better balance on the monitoring internet use vs give your kid privacy, debate.

👏

I have several friends with DS’ with your DS profile.

Firstly, yes, keep him away from the internet. It is dangerous! However, accept that for social reasons he will likely want to game on a console - and supervise very carefully.

Get him into things like rock music, Vinyl etc all the stuff boys in previous generations used to do.

And finally, there is no such thing as “not sporty”. That profile will resist traditional team sports, but you must find individual sports eg park run, ping pong, whatever is easy. All children need exercise, especially those with ADHD.

Diet is also important. Lots of protein and fruit and veg etc. Even if diet is restrictive, does not matter as long as you find some healthy stuff. Stay away from giving money for too many sweets and E numbers etc. If you can, get him involved in food prep.