To feel scared about having kids, especially boys, after watching Adolescence on Netflix?

[ByCheekyDreamer]

Just watched Adolescence on Netflix and it honestly terrified me. Seeing what teenagers, especially boys, go through in today’s world - social media, peer pressure, mental health struggles - makes me wonder how anyone navigates parenting without constant fear. Am I overthinking or do others feel the same?

It was a girl who was murdered in Adolescence.

I think toxic masculinity is becoming a real problem.

My boys (men now) have always been encouraged to show their emotions, I've tried to teach them how to handle them appropriately. They don't think they are "better" than girls in anyway (unlike my nephew who has been told he's more important than his sister). They also don't think girls are better than them. They are equal. In our house all opinions are valid.

Yes, kindness was/is important in our household. I think you have to work hard at the foundations so they make good or at least considered decisions when older. It wasn't that hard for me though as my upbringing was similar, this was in the 80s/90s and my parents would probably be considered 'gentle Parents'. Lots of creativity and tbh political/philosophical discussions from childhood, not just teenage years. My Dad was a bit of maverick though which sometimes had its own issues especially as a teenager.

Tbh I am pretty good friends with both of my teenagers, easy to be like that with the adult one I suppose- first and foremost I am their Mum but I don't see them as adversaries and never have done.

I think everyone suffers in different ways, which is part of what makes parenting feel so daunting. The programme just really made me think about how tough things can be for boys growing up today.

I have one of each. The girl definitely had a harder time growing up and a lot of that was due to being much more aware of social media and year group gossip. Girls can be much more social and therefore more sensitive about what’s being said.

It’s . Fiction.

It's a piece of TV drama. Why are people losing their minds and all sense of proportion over it. Its disturbing to me to see how a scrap of fiction can distort so many peoples perception of reality

oh my god.

Katie was stabbed seven times and it made you think how hard life is for teen boys.

I can see your point about being worried about parenthood and the series is very thought provoking. However, the other side of the coin is there have always been threats to the safety of male teenagers even before the advent of social media. Previous generations may have thought I don't want to have children in case they are called up to serve their country in a world war or what if they get drawn into being a skinhead or gang culture, end up in prison etc. The only thing we as parents can do is guide, support them and hope for the best.

@Flomingho "However, the other side of the coin is there have always been threats to the safety of male teenagers even before the advent of social media."

okay, these threads are just some sort of sick joke now.

I was replying to the OP, about their worries of parenting a boy, as the series was written from the point of view of the boy's family. The intention of my post wasn't to down play what happened to the girl. Apologies if there was anything in my post you found offensive.

Quite! It's utterly ridiculous.

No families I know let their 13 year old wander the streets at 10.30 or let their children have a computer in their room and unfiltered access.

The hype for this series is bonkers.

My take on that show (as others have rightly pointed out) is that the parents let their child wander the streets at 10.30pm at night and stay online until 1pm in the morning. That is NOT parenting.

My DD is 11 and I’m completely shocked at some of the parenting style of her peers’ parents. The various TikTok and Snapchat accounts, staying out late (more than once I’ve got a text saying it’s Jacob’s Mum has your DD heard from him at 9pm on a Sunday!) and not long ago one girl got suspended for bullying and we saw her on the Saturday up the town laden with shopping bags, parents in tow!!

So many parents seem terrified of their kids these days. They don’t want to say no or punish them properly. It pisses me off because I then feel like I’m Mean Mummy because DD bleats on about how all her friends have X Y Z and she isn’t allowed. It’s easy to blame social media, but who is letting them on social media in the first place?

However I agree with the PP that a TV show causes panic. It’s not real! I haven’t seen it, I do plan to, but the realities of life as a teenager aren’t all that unreachable to adults - build trust with your kid and they’ll be open to you.

Everyone

@TeaRoseTallulah then you must live in a very specific area because letting kids go online in their own rooms is very very common. Most kids have very little parental controls. Parents might think they do but they don’t

Many secondary schools (and it is creeping into Primary schools) have a huge issue with misogyny. Huge.

We ignore this at our peril. If this drama can highlight some of the issues, get sensible discussions going especially with men then it has to be a good thing. There is access and influence to so much stuff on social media.

When DS had his first phone (a hand me down from one of us) when he went to Secondary it was on the proviso we had access to everything on there. We would look over the chats etc. He is an adult now so obviously we can’t do that anymore. The other day I saw a list of emojis that are referenced to in this drama. I would not have known what they meant if I had seen them in any of the messages on his phone.

Not all teenagers/young men are going to end up killing women but many of them are going to grow up with some horrendous and harmful attitudes towards them. As they grow up the influence we have on them is replaced by that of their mates and what they are being bombarded with.

The statistics for sexual harassment etc of girls in schools are horrendous. This cannot be down to 1 or 2 boys. So no matter how we can say we have brought our boys up well some of them are ignoring their parents. All because you don’t let your 13yo old at 10pm doesn’t mean they aren’t in communication with/reading about unsavoury influencers. Andrew Tate and the like are having a huge influence. Again this won’t just be in boys from dysfunctional families. Boys might not be out late at night, but many 13yo boys spend many hours gaming, are they being influenced by people they game with, the games they play.

@TeaRoseTallulah many teenagers have games consoles in their rooms. We had a family one in the lounge but we were very much in the minority amongst our friends. Some pupils in DS’s class were playing 18 rated video games in their rooms from about age 7. DS’s Primary school ran regular online safety sessions for parents, very few parents attended.

Many parents have no idea what their children are accessing. You might have strict parental controls on their tech, but you can’t stop them watching something at their mate’s house where controls might not be as strict

Unless you’re super young so social media was around when you were a teen, you are being naive thinking that you are prepared for your DDs adolescence. I have no clue what it’s like growing up in a world where my mistakes can be screenshot, filmed and posted for all to see. For example there’s very few records of my dodgy fashion sense and there’s no pics of me vaping, smoking a joint or posting a thirst trap online when there’s many teens who have done this. I was never asked for a nude from someone who I thought could trust or received an unsolicited dick pic either where as this is something that many girls have encountered. There were no filters for photos so I didn’t feel the pressure to touch up pics so I looked older and prettier and I wasn’t bombarded with algorithms telling me to buy expensive items to fit in.

Most kids are normal like we were. They never go to prison and get jobs and have happy lives. They enjoy listening to music on their AirPods and behaving like we did - hanging out with their friends and doing stuff like gaming or window shopping at the local shopping centre. Their friends are probably just like them but don’t face the grumpy hormonal version of your child as much as you do.

Meh, not all boys are like those. Mine are more of the woke variety, likely to bullied by the Tate acolytes.

We live in a very rough area and they have internet access, it's not inevitable.

Every generation has its issues - I wouldn’t let it fill you with too much anxiety.

I agree with @madamweb
Protecting your children from others, particularly protecting your daughter from men, feels scarier.

However I want to add that we are protecting children - both boys and girls. We (as a western society) are very vocal about our protection for girls, but what about our boys? And I’m not talking about men, I mean boys - who are vulnerable. Children are vulnerable.

I have a son and daughter - and whilst I tell my daughter to hurry home (to dodge the sexual predators and boys). I also tell my son to hurry home (to dodge predators and groomers).

I tell my daughter don’t speak to any boys or men, if you feel unsafe then this is what you need to do; turn on your location so I know where you are if anything; tips on self defence etc.

My son needs the same advice, and I’ll add don’t take money from anyone as that’s how gangs and groomers try to have you indebted to them; being weary of XYZ neighbourhoods because those places are known for postcode wars; remember that you don’t know what weapons anyone is carrying - so don’t fight or go out looking for fights; don’t carry a knife… and there are a bunch of issues that affect our boys more than girls. We can’t keep ignoring that boys need us to protect them too.

I say this to highlight that whilst they are children and young people - I don’t care what gender they are, but they are vulnerable.

I believe there are many parents out there doing a good job, but I see this all the time - groups of the same boys in the neighbourhood doing wheelies on bikes. Out past 8pm. And it tends to be boys - as opposed to girls - and I wonder what their parents are doing - but also who is raising them if their parents arnt. And is society generally softer on raising boys vs raising girls?

So with thousands of fictional tv shows and movies out there with thousands of different stories out there we have to wach them and be scared that this means our children will be what is on screen?

people kill, sure they shouldnt but if you let fictional tv or films make you question being a parent then I would say you have much bigger problems going on

It's a drama, not a documentary.
YABU.

Good question.