To feel scared about having kids, especially boys, after watching Adolescence on Netflix?

[ByCheekyDreamer]

Just watched Adolescence on Netflix and it honestly terrified me. Seeing what teenagers, especially boys, go through in today’s world - social media, peer pressure, mental health struggles - makes me wonder how anyone navigates parenting without constant fear. Am I overthinking or do others feel the same?

Wtf. Boys can also be victims of violence. I have a boy and a girl. I am aware every day how vulnerable my daughter is. But it would be astonishingly naive to not realise my son could be a victim too , so I worry about him as well as trying to raise him to treat women well

Do you have children or boys? I do and see it very much as my duty to protect both of my DC - a bit and a girl, I've had to bring them up and guide them as that is the responsibility of a parent. An absence of that is what leads to complete anarchy!

In fact, my son at 13 was punched in the face by a boy as he tried to stop him bullying this child in the changing room at school, the bulky was trying to shower the boys backpack, my son tried to stop him. He was definitely a victim.

I think the programme showed examples of poor parenting which are easily avoidable. Don't let your 13 year olds have unfiltered access to the internet 24 hours a day and don't let them wander the streets till gone 10.00.

I don't understand how the parents in the programme thought their son was safe when he was in his room on his own watching god knows what. Maybe this would ring true 10 years ago but not now when the dangers of the internet are well known.

My kids who are young adults now were made to leave their phones downstairs when they went to bed. Some of their friends were on their phones half the night. Set boundaries and your kids, like most kids will be fine.

Completely agree.

Teen DD is disgusted by the conversations and comments of most of the boys in her year. This is a fairly tame secondary in a quiet area.

I'm sure most of their parents are totally unaware of what their boys are becoming. To the detriment of girls right now and women later.

There's only a small window to stop this and so so many are missing it.

There’s plenty of boys stabbing other boys though, isn’t there?

Haven’t watched it and won’t watch it. Why do people watch these things and increase their stress and anxiety?

It's pretty basic parenting though really.
Don't let your kids stay out late, know who their friends are, don't let them have unrestricted access to the Internet, etc

They aren't born teenagers. You put the work in from the start.

Interesting, at my DS's school, a couple of years ago (he's not there now) the school introduced strict skirt length policy, some teachers were trying to measure skirts, some boys as in a large majority would circle around a girl to stop a teacher getting to the girl to measure the skirt as they thought it was wrong to be so sexist, it was even covered in the local press. I think nationally were we live is particularly known to be 'progressive' so maybe bucks the trend but I don't think we should oversimplify the arguments.

Again, you must be living in a bubble.
It is common.

I have to admit, my first thought upon watching the programme was 'what the hell was he doing out at that time of night at 13?' What parent allows that?
I had to be in bed by 8.30 on school nights and 10pm at weekends!

@Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast so why are schools having so many problems with attitudes towards girls (and female staff)?

And for parents saying my son wouldn’t do this, keep them busy, mine go to clubs so not spending time on the internet, not roaming the streets, what amazing parents we are. Our local Secondary school is working with some of the local clubs, especially sports ones, as they have identified some of the misogynist attitudes are being fuelled by these clubs. One particular club is very popular with the youth in the town, starting from a young age. At least a third of DC’s peers attended, so a large number of boys can be influenced.

By age 11 27% of children have seen porn. You might have strict parental controls on their phones, but their mate or their mate’s elder brother might not. And the porn they can view can also breed some horrendous attitudes.

I think that incidents such as the young man in Luton, the fact that the government and looking at changing the law for non-terror related incidents, the incredible mass shooting statistics in the US, show that male violence and incel situations are a growing problem. No one is saying this is rife, but it’s an area of concern and dramas such as this draw attention and discussion.

@Goldenbear upskirting is another big issue in schools. Need to focus more on the perpetrators not the length of skirts.

I have a son and a daughter, both teens. He spews similar andrew tate crap. Daughter has learnt to tolerate it (yes I shut it down)

That's happening everywhere. Young boys acting out horribly or just making comments as jokes that would get them punished 20 years ago. The girls are taught to tolerate it. You should be worried in my opinion

That's not a reason to avoid sports clubs and other clubs, but I agree it is a reason to vet them.

I pulled my son out of scouts the moment I realised the leader was a misogynistic bully

He does climbing now. The instructors and staff at the centre are a mix of male and female and I chat to them each week and they are exactly the kind of people I want my son to spend time with

I asked my 22yr old son who is autistic and generally socially isolated. The ideal target for groomers and extremism.

I showed him the emojis and he said (and I quote) “what is this shit”?
I explained and he said no he’d never seen emojis in this way. He also added that Andrew Tait was “a dickhead” and that his followers were “losers.”

I was quite proud. 😁

Talk to your boys, they may surprise you.

it’s not inevitable that they will become extremists.

Yup, girls have their own struggles and both sexes going through adolescence end up feeling like shit. I don't understand this focus on boys, unless all your children are boys.

And the big issue will be that the parents who allow that to happen won’t probably watch it…. However even if a few do that’s a good thing. My dc has friends at school y8 who have similar “freedoms” or when his phone come out of it’s overnight shut down messages from friends ping in allowed there phones overnight sent at midnight, as a family we are watching the c4 USA/uk school swap and the girl in last week’s episode who was addicted to her phone was on it in the early hours. Others have also said the “class” issue of Adolescence is also something to be considered 😥

I said to dh why was he allowed out until 10.30pm, that was never addressed. Far too late for a child to be out.
It was definitely thought provoking that’s for sure.

It's not vastly different from parenting girls. The lens of conversations might alter and we have a much bigger focus on the bits that society put pressure on for men/boys. Role models can be lacking but role models can be women too. A great person is a great person. A penis of vagina has very little to do with that.
The main bulk of it is conversations that start early. Empathy building. Regulation skills. Coping with dissapointment. Naming emotions and understanding them.Tackling entitlement. Porn and sex/bodies/social media we start talking about very early. I expect them to do their share of contributing to household running cooking cleaning etc. We talk lots about day to day interactions with society or school. So we are bringing up any boys will be boys type attitudes we encounter.

Our dinner table talk can absolutely be hey mum/dad I heard someone say blowjob today what's that. We chat about periods about pregnancy nothing is off limits. It's no different to how I would raise girls. Just the lens in which they relate to but we absolutely discuss the lens from a womans/girls point of view too.

You have been affected by propaganda designed to do just that.

It comes down to parenting and setting rules. It is hard work.

Unpopular parenting style but I dont care:

Unless they can afford a roof over their head my house my rules.
No TV in the house, no smart phones until they can afford to buy one themselves with their own money from a job.
Friends are vetted and parents are too.

Homeschooling.

Bit dramatic. You’ve been caught up in the hype mate

@madamweb I’m not saying avoid clubs, but I think many parents are naive to where influence can come from. If a third of the town’s DC go to that club that is a lot of kids having contact with sexist attitudes, and from coaches and team mates they look up to.