Is it cheap not to cater?

[Itrtttyy]

it’s a significant birthday and a function room is being hired out 4-6pm for around 40 guests then afterwards carrying on in nearby (nice) pubs. The function room place serves food as do a few nearby pubs.

Does the event need catered (a buffet)?

Yes - YABU
No - YANBU

Most 40 year olds cracked not standing left on a pavement 20 years ago.

I’m pleased you made the classy jibe though. Much of this thread has been thinly veiled snobbery. Good to see it with no veil at all.

Right.

So should she put on a buffet?

Honestly due to the timing it doesn't matter if she puts on a buffet or not. 4-6 isn't when food is needed so a buffet then wouldn't change my plans for the evening. I wouldn't mind paying for my own food so not fussed if she put a buffet on later either I'd just want a more organised point to plan in dinner. I don't think it's any more cheap than if someone organised a meal out and everyone paid for their own which is pretty normal

So what's the point of the two hour gathering?
No food, no drinks, no gifts.

I didn't see any snobbery.

Thats so rude. A party always includes food. Or it's not a party.

Start the night to do what?

If no food or drink, what's the point?

Ah, the eternal question: to cater or not to cater? A decision that might seem trivial on the surface, but trust me, it carries far more weight than you realize. Let’s break it down.

You’ve got a significant birthday on your hands, a hired function room, and 40 guests this isn’t your average afternoon. And yet, here’s the rub: the venue serves food, the pubs serve food, so why throw in a buffet?

Is it cheap not to cater? Well, that depends on how you define cheap.

Cheap is not about money; cheap is about making a decision that’s driven by convenience over consideration for the guests. You’re not saving pennies by skipping the buffet; you’re sending a message whether you intend to or not.

The real question is this: how do you want your guests to feel? Do you want them to wander into a room and feel like they're part of something special, or are you content with a couple of drinks and the leftover crumbs from the pub?

Catering isn't just about the food it’s about the experience, the effort, and yes, the image you project. It's about saying, "I’ve thought of everything. I’ve planned this celebration with the kind of care and attention it deserves."

Sure, you could get by without a buffet, but that’s not what this is about. It’s about creating a memorable event, one that’s thoughtful and complete. And frankly, if you’re willing to cheap out on this, then why bother with a function room at all?

So no, it's not cheap to cater. It's smart. And it’s what makes the difference between a forgettable gathering and one that leaves a lasting impression.

This was literally in response to you asking "If I’d said my friend was having a 40th celebration and had booked afternoon tea and complimentary champagne in a private room at the Ritz from 4-6pm because she wasn’t much of a party girl, I wouldn’t be told it was a kids’ party time. I dare say people would say it sounds nice."

That's a completely different scenario; yes, of course people would say afternoon tea at 4pm sounds nice - because there's an actual "thing" and 4pm is an expected time to be doing that "thing") and why people are saying that 4pm in an empty function room sounds quite the opposite (even if the function room also happened to be at The Ritz).

The irony of getting annoyed at people for including "entirely pointless information", when you yourself are introducing wildly different comparisons and superfluous information yourself, such as booking lunch at 2pm or an afternoon tea at 4pm.

She may not expect them, but she wants the attention and I bet, deep down, she wants gifts. She wants a fuss made over her and I am betting people will be buying her drinks and maybe food.
So, she is celebrating a big birthday and wants to spend zilch.

I avoid these types of ordeals, I mean, parties. If you want to have a party, have a party. Feed people, let them buy their own drinks, have a cake and then whoever wants can do a pub crawl.

A bunch of people in one spot with nothing provided is a gathering, not a party, decorations be damned.

But, that's just me. YMMV.

By the time all the people get served drinks, pay their tab and order food (the smart ones that do), it will be time to move on. It takes a while to serve 40+ drinks and get paid, especially when there will be others in the main bar also drinking/eating.

This sounds like a future Reddit AITAH thread.

It's not snobbery, it's the truth.

Just like weddings, celebrate your milestones in the manner that you can afford. Not in the way that everyone else can afford.

Would you go to a large wedding organized like this? A formal one?
I say formal because my wedding was at the courthouse with Morticia Addams and Forrest Gump as our attendants. Our "reception" was in an ice cream parlor, but at least we paid!

This made me laugh WAY too loudly!

"Thank you for stopping by and sitting at a table. Thank you for paying for drinks and for mine. Now, off you go if you need food, because we need to get our drunk on!"

Don’t be ridiculous. It’s snobbery. Would I go to a wedding celebration in a function room in a pub? Yes, of course I would.

There will be drinks. It’s a pub.

No idea where people are getting no drinks from.

Very well explained.

And what was I replying to?

See this I don't get. You say the worst is that the groups will separate.
It is a birthday celebration, if people get separated from the group that includes the birthday girl then there is no longer a celebration, it's just a group of friends and acquaintances who have been ditched by the rest if the group who will then either go home or continue the night their own way elsewhere.
Or do you really think you can all just roll out of a pub, leaving the 3 people who's food finally arrived at a table to finish eating and that they will trail after you all to the next place? Sounds very odd to me.

And to answer the initial question- yes, given the expectation is that there will be some people who will only come for the first part then if you are hosting a party you should be providing either food or drinks or both. Hiring a room implies the hosting imo, whereas if she'd said 'let's meet at x pub' it would still be a bit shit but could be less weird to not be providing something for the group as a whole.

I know you said you can't offer to pay as she would feel judged- but what about bringing/organising cake?
It's not dinner- but it is a socially acceptable thing to bring to a birthday!

Yes and if it's a 40th it's fair to assume many will have children who need feeding in this slot, when I was 40 I woukd have really struggled to come and if I had made that effort ( babysitter, including part of the afternoon, feeding and bedtime as well as getting dolled up super early- unless it is acceptable to turn up in the cleaning the bathroom clothing) I would have felt incredibly short changed by the no food function room senario. It is valuing other peoples time at nought.

A pannini for a 40th Birthday party ?
Ok I am a snob but this is totally shit.

You're right, it's not a party. It's a pub crawl.

If the bride and groom are just having everyone show up in a function room and then decide to have a pub crawl, I want to film great-grandma walking hither, yither and yon, getting her drunk on. 😆
Maybe you would go, but it isn't snobbery to say, it is rude and it is cheap. Because it is.

She might as well have just used the function room for 6 hours and let everyone stay there while they drink and eat, and then those still on their feet could go on the pub crawl. That, at least, makes a modicum of sense.

Op I have been to events like this.

It usually is either:

Canapès and drinks which is lovely
Drinks, tea and cake
A full sized buffet and drinks

No food at all isn’t very welcoming. Even bowls of olives and crisps, glasses of breadsticks and hummus would suffice on a budget.

I think it is cheap not to cater. That was your original question. This is such a weird post, you've asked a question, people have agreed with you and then you are getting all offended on your friend's behalf. All the invitees are aware there is no food and if they are happy enough with that then fair enough.