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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it cheap not to cater?

464 replies

Itrtttyy · 23/03/2025 20:12

it’s a significant birthday and a function room is being hired out 4-6pm for around 40 guests then afterwards carrying on in nearby (nice) pubs. The function room place serves food as do a few nearby pubs.

Does the event need catered (a buffet)?

Yes - YABU
No - YANBU

OP posts:
justasking111 · 23/03/2025 22:53

There's also the problem of babysitters for some I suspect. With the strange hours of the event.

Topsyturvy78 · 23/03/2025 22:55

Why bother booking a function room for 2 hours if your not providing food? At least put some canapes and nibbles on. I can't see many wanting to come. What do you plan on doing for two hours? It's an odd time for an adult birthday celebration.

Franjipanl8r · 23/03/2025 22:55

Itrtttyy · 23/03/2025 22:52

Because they’re opinions which are completely irrelevant to my question about whether there should be a buffet put on between 4-6pm.

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The question should be “why is there a party between 4-6pm”. It’s impossible to answer the food question because the party time itself is so odd.

4pm-6pm is a kids party time.

FondantFancyFan · 23/03/2025 22:55

Sounds like a shit 'party', imo you need food to absorb the alcohol and prevent a quick decent into drunken mayhem.

Original poster
Itrtttyy · 23/03/2025 22:55

TheBunnyLover · 23/03/2025 22:35

Yes.

But it started at 20:00. People had plenty of time to eat beforehand, even thosefor whom it was a journey . I think is the main difference. Some of my friends live/d an hr to a couple of hours away and were welcome to stay over. Those who didn't live further afield of course could eat then turn up and then come for drinks everyone welcome to come and drink/eat with me once the pub/act was done.

A few people who came from further afield and staying over were offered food before we went out but all had eaten already anyway, I offered to pay for takeaway before going out too but no takers, we all just had a couple of champagnes!

Were it at 16:00 however.. If for some reason I'd have wanted that I'd have definitely put on food. I'm not particularly well-off but people drinking tend to just want some carbs and sustenance, so I'd have hired someone to cater or if I couldn't afford that I'd have made food myself.
And I'm the sort who doesn't ever eat much at such parties! But I know other people do, for social reasons as well as anything else.

I think it is quite different to a wedding where you're 'captive' all day and a guest who should absolutely be fed. Yes my friends were guests at my birthday but it was a night thing, not a day thing, I still made food for those who'd travelled/wanted to make it a longer night anyway, and for 90% of my guests it was a case of a 5 minute walk to the pub or at most a 5-10 minute taxi ride and then home or back for drinks and food if they wanted.

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I think I’m maybe too fixated on serving food. I can’t imagine hosting and not serving people food. I’d be mortified if it ever ran out. Maybe it’s just me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Itrtttyy · 23/03/2025 22:57

Annascaul · 23/03/2025 22:36

To be fair, all people are doing is telling you that it sounds absolutely shit.
The guests will doubtless be so underwhelmed they’ll leave early (in search of food / atmosphere) and she’s almost certain to be disappointed.
Why are you so certain this isn’t so?

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Why would they have to search for food?

OP posts:
Original poster
Itrtttyy · 23/03/2025 22:59

DeepRoseFish · 23/03/2025 22:36

I just really don’t understand when people are supposed to eat on a pub crawl? Yes there might be food available but who realistically is going to be ordering and eating a meal 4-6pm? And then when are you going to eat if you don’t do that?

You just order food at whatever pub you’re in, and then you eat it. It’s not clubbing, it’s going to different pubs.

OP posts:
friendlycat · 23/03/2025 22:59

Franjipanl8r · 23/03/2025 22:55

The question should be “why is there a party between 4-6pm”. It’s impossible to answer the food question because the party time itself is so odd.

4pm-6pm is a kids party time.

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It is an odd time for an adult birthday celebration especially if a pub crawl is the intention afterwards.

I think you can see here the overall consensus is that it’s not what people would expect. Fine for a pub crawl on its own, fine for a catered drinks event or fine for your suggestion of a lunch earlier.

Sosoftandfluffycat · 23/03/2025 22:59

Sosoftandfluffycat · 23/03/2025 22:50

Can't some of you club together to put on a bit of a spread?

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If she's well loved by friends and family do it as a surprise for her. It doesn't have to be expensive if a few of you chip in

Original poster
Itrtttyy · 23/03/2025 23:00

Regretsmorethanafew · 23/03/2025 22:38

It's not the night though. It's 4pm, it's the afternoon.

Are you expecting people to start drinking at 4pm, with no food, and then carry on all evening? That's going to be a total disaster. Either everyone will leave to eat or everyone will get messy drunk

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She isn’t expecting people not to eat if they want to eat (which I will). She’s just not providing the food.

OP posts:
crockofshite · 23/03/2025 23:01

Who's buying the rounds in the pubs? 40 drinks and 40 different tabs each time? Most pubs would be overwhelmed by that many people to serve at the same time.

Anyway, in response to the OPs question, yes, I think birthday girl SHOULD put on a buffet in the function room before heading out on the pub crawl.

Original poster
Itrtttyy · 23/03/2025 23:02

justasking111 · 23/03/2025 22:42

Because I'd like to be sure that I got a table and prefer to choose where I eat and what the standard of catering is. I've never been out for a curry as a meal.

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Well then you wouldn’t be happy with a buffet either.

OP posts:
VivX · 23/03/2025 23:02

Itrtttyy · 23/03/2025 22:50

I don’t know. If it was me I’d have arranged a big lunch somewhere at 2pm or so all together and then just gone on the drink reserving tables in the first couple of pubs. Which wouldn’t be me spending any more money which is what led to be posting. I don’t think that plan is unreasonable. I do think booking a room and telling people to order their own food is unreasonable and it’s insanely cheap not to do a buffet. I don’t really see why there’s a difference because in both scenarios people pay for themselves, but there is.

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Because in the first option, you've booked tables for a lunch/meal at a set starting time and everyone understands what booking a table for a meal implies;

in the second, actual option, you've booked a room for a period of time, which people will drift into at whatever time they feel like - most people will arrive "fashionably late" rather than dead on 4pm - where there is no clear social norms as to what would or should happen when the hostess has booked a room for a "party" but literally nothing else, certainly no provision of an actual party.

Original poster
Itrtttyy · 23/03/2025 23:03

Avatartar · 23/03/2025 22:38

Sounds like it’ll all be over by 8pm. Ever tried to move 40 people en masse, go to the loo, walk to next pub and then surprise the bar staff and try to serve people quickly. Shambolic at best, can you get her to think it through?

It’ll be carrying on at 5am. I’d put money on it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Itrtttyy · 23/03/2025 23:04

Annascaul · 23/03/2025 22:45

But it’s her cheapness that will encourage her guests to act like this!
What aren’t you getting??

Edited
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I don’t get why anyone would accept the invitation, knowing what it is, and then choose to go and eat in the Indians next door to the Wetherspoons everyone else, including the birthday girl, is in.

OP posts:
friendlycat · 23/03/2025 23:05

Itrtttyy · 23/03/2025 23:03

It’ll be carrying on at 5am. I’d put money on it.

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Then why on earth start at 4pm in the afternoon with a function room with no catering or free bar as a precursor to the evening ahead?

Original poster
Itrtttyy · 23/03/2025 23:05

Sosoftandfluffycat · 23/03/2025 22:50

Can't some of you club together to put on a bit of a spread?

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Happily!

OP posts:
Sosoftandfluffycat · 23/03/2025 23:07

Itrtttyy · 23/03/2025 23:05

Happily!

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Do it then!! It would be a lovely surprise for her!!

Original poster
Itrtttyy · 23/03/2025 23:08

friendlycat · 23/03/2025 22:52

Then what will happen if you think that the majority are going to come to this bit is that they will then drift off afterwards and go their separate ways. A few will come to the next venue but you aren’t going to get everyone who has gathered in a function room to then join a pub crawl if they’ve already bought their own drinks and no food.

It’s odd timing as well. 6.30pm meet up ok but 4pm is not really the timeframe for a precursor for a pub crawl as someone else has said.

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Buying 40 people their drinks on your birthday isn’t really any sort of expectation in our circle.

OP posts:
TheBunnyLover · 23/03/2025 23:08

Itrtttyy · 23/03/2025 22:55

I think I’m maybe too fixated on serving food. I can’t imagine hosting and not serving people food. I’d be mortified if it ever ran out. Maybe it’s just me.

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Even having done what i did, I was reasonably mortified that some of my city-living friends were affonted that no takeaways open once we got back! Yes I had things to give them, but they were used to being able to use justeat. I'm not rural but in a village where things close at midnight. So I understand somewhat the 'feeling mortified'. It's just a matter of wanting to make sure people are okay. You can't please everyone ever but not even trying is quite different!

Hayley1256 · 23/03/2025 23:09

Itrtttyy · 23/03/2025 23:04

I don’t get why anyone would accept the invitation, knowing what it is, and then choose to go and eat in the Indians next door to the Wetherspoons everyone else, including the birthday girl, is in.

Show quote history

I would do this, I'd stay for the function bit, then maybe have a drink at the next place then go to whatever resturant/pub I had pre-booked. If I had other friends there I would invite them too. No way would I eat at a weatherspoons and there's a risk you may not be able to get a seat at some of the other pubs to sit down and eat. I would see this 'party ' as a stop off then go out for a nice dinner

Original poster
Itrtttyy · 23/03/2025 23:10

justasking111 · 23/03/2025 22:53

There's also the problem of babysitters for some I suspect. With the strange hours of the event.

I don’t think she should need to think about other people’s babysitting arrangements, to be fair.

OP posts:
Original poster
Itrtttyy · 23/03/2025 23:10

Topsyturvy78 · 23/03/2025 22:55

Why bother booking a function room for 2 hours if your not providing food? At least put some canapes and nibbles on. I can't see many wanting to come. What do you plan on doing for two hours? It's an odd time for an adult birthday celebration.

The plan will be to drink and mingle.

OP posts:
NewMoonred · 23/03/2025 23:12

After the first pub(functional room) what are the chances of getting a table in all of the pubs?
All the pubs in my local town centre, no chance of a table. When adult children go to Wetherspoons they stay at the table they have and just order food and drinks.
At least the taxi will be easier to book for getting there.
You must have quiet pubs where you are unless it’s midweek.

Darkclothes · 23/03/2025 23:14

If it was me I’d have arranged a big lunch somewhere at 2pm or so all together and then just gone on the drink reserving tables in the first couple of pubs. Which wouldn’t be me spending any more money which is what led to be posting.

So you ARE are tight as your 'friend' then OP.😆